"Not today!" - The Bipolar Rant

No really guys, not to-fucking-day. (Also, sorry for stealing the picture, this is not GoT related).

First of all, hey guys, welcome back to my humble abode, which consists of my messy thoughts and my dreams that I sometimes feel may never come true. You know, those days when everything's gone to hell (but somewhat back), and you start to question yourself alot.
Maybe I should explain why I feel like shit today?

"So in this weeks rant".. I've talked about it before because it's important to know if you know me and are reading my blog: I am (at the moment) bipolar. I've had the diagnosis for 3 years now I think and I take my medication and everything is just fine. I'm bipolar type 2 and from what I've learned about this bipolarity everthing checks out and I'm fine with being bipolar (if you can be fine with a diagnose like this one), because I'm used to it, I've accepted it and I'm living my life each day keeping in mind how and who I am and what can "trigger" my depressive periods and hypomaniac episodes etc. I'm gonna dig further into the diagnose at a later time because I'm extremely tired right now but I need to get this out.

I got the diagnose like I said in 2014. I had gone to this clinik before because I needed someone to talk to because my life weren't so pleasant at times. So I called them up, having not been there for a year or so and I tell them about my feelings and they tell me to come in right away. When I get there I get to fill out several papers and two doctors are asking me all kinds of questions and at the end of the meeting they just went "hey you know you're bipolar right?", and I'm like "no, I came in because I felt stressed but thank you for not throwing this in my face". It was a shock, I did not expect it going in and I was freaking out when I left the building. I called my mom and I called my then-boyfriend and neither picked up so I called my mom and went "hey mom I'm bipolar hope your day's good" or something like that on her answering machine and that is not the right way to tell people that, either.

SO NOW TODAY, I went to my usual doctor about this stuff and she's the one who handles my medication and she had the audacity to tell me that she doesn't think I'm bipolar. And why I'm making such a big deal out of this because not only did she say "I don't think that you suffer from bipolarity", she went "I'm sure that you're not bipolar, you're probably just stressed because your family is messed up and they're doing this to you. And by the way, your parents said you were totally normal during the interview (which you have to do to get the diagnosis), so the only one thinking that you're sick.. Is you. I don't believe you and you always come in here so happy and talkative so I'm sure you're not sick". But she "promised" to not remove this stamp that I've now gotten used to and embraced, so that's something. She also on several occations called me a liar, that I can't keep track of anything (which is because of her), and that I should just... Go on with my life.

It was just a big slap in the face after everything I've been through so yeah, now you know that.
The rest of the day though?!
I had to "babysit" my younger sister; she's 11, very active and full of energy and me just being hit with this doctors visit was completely drained, then my phone died, my credit card was messing with me and I completely lost it. I'm not gonna go into details because I don't wanna hang out other people on my blog that can be easily identified, but there's been a big court deal with a relative of mine and it's blown the fuck out of proportions so we're all more or less suffering from it, and one of the ones suffering is my sister and it's hard to just stand by when you see someone being treated maybe-not-as-great-as-they-should-by-other-parties-in-this-court-deal. It's gotten a lot better and nobody is hurt, so no need to worry, but it always hurts standing when you don't know what to do.
I will not go into further details about this on here unless something drastically changes for the better, even though it could need some recognition, and now you know that. Veeeery vague.

But let's end on a happy note! One of my best friends is currently giving birth to her 15 days over-due baby and I'm so happy for them and I'm soooo looking forward to the baby snuggles.

❤️

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