A blank paper...

Hey guys!

So one struggle when it comes to writing that I struggle with, and I know a lot of other people do as well, is that damn blank paper in front of us. Not life, not "where is this novel going to go?", "what's the next chapter?" Simply, paper. And I'm writing this because I just realized it today. When it comes to writing, most people nowadays do it on a computer, some still do it on a typewriter and some still use pen and paper. I start out with pen and paper, then when I have somewhat of an idea I rewrite it on my computer, print that out and rearrange it, re-write it on paper then add it to my computer, because why make it easy?

And I realized that it got so much easier for me to write when the blank paper in front of me wasn't white. Obviously white paper is what we almost always buy, it's the original, it's the basic, it's the typical. But is it the best for your creative writing? I'm pretty sure it's not because a blank, white paper is so.. Empty, there's nothing at all to it, it's just staring back at you like it's challenging you to do something, whatever, with it but it just looks so freaking empty. And I can't handle that. SO, I started to write on lightly pink paper instead and that actually helped a lot more than I'd like to admit. It's not empty anymore, it contains somthing and it's not challenging me in a way that white paper do.

So my *I'm a special snowflake who can't handle white paper* tip today is that if you're writing with pen and paper and you're very much stuck, switch it up to another color of the paper and see if that helps. It's such a simple thing to do, and suddenly it doesn't look that empty anymore.

And this whole emptiness takes us from one point to another; I want to apologize for being so lazy when it comes to writing here, I've given up on most tips and things that I've wanted to share and I don't think that's fair to you guys so if you decide that this lazy blog isn't for you then I totally understand. But at the same time, I am a pretty decent person who have up's and down's and I'm just in a shitty point in my life right now and it affects me a lot.
If you don't suffer from any mental illness (first of all, I'm genuinely happy for you, life can be bad either way but you've got something going for you), especially depression, when you feel bad you shy away from people because you don't want to constantly remind people that "look at me, I always feel bad and you're gonna get nothing but a bad time hanging out with me."And I'm saying it like this because that's how it feels. When someone asks me how I am I say I'm fine. And then they ask how I really am, and I say I feel like shit. And if someone keeps asking me that whenever we talk or hang out, I feel like a burden because I can't contribute with anything good. I can't say "Hey, I'm great thanks for asking, do you wanna hang out and do something fun?" And I want to be that fun person, but at the moment I'm not. And it's very common to feel guilty, to feel like a burden and to feel like you don't deserve intimacy or friendship when you feel down or depressed because you feel like you're constantly weighing down other people. How can I deserve something good, if all I do is give something bad?
This post turned out way sadder than I thought it would, I'm so sorry, but I just want to give you guys a reason for me being a lazy piece of shit. I'm not lazy, I just don't want the only thing I write about is me feeling depressed or sad.

So moving on! Todays picture is actually from my notebook, where all my ideas are right now, and the color of the paper is pink and I feel really fucking good about that. And I am extraordinary.

I love you guys, I love this blog and I love you mom.


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