She finally saw me

Hey guys!

Today was a.. It wasn't a good day, but it was a better day. For me at least. It's currently 11.22 pm and I just woke up from a nap, which isn't the best thing to take right before going to sleep. But it felt sooo good!

I woke up around 12 am today because I'm a lazy piece of garbage. I then had a quick sandwich, got dressed and put on makeup and ran to the bus, because I had a doctor's appointment to get to today. I felt really bad about it because I haven't always seen eye to eye with her and I've always had this feeling that she doesn't listen to me and that she thinks I'm annoying or something. It's literally been to the point when I've cried while going there, and leaving there because I hate getting yelled at, which is something she does pretty often.
Anyways, I told my psychiatrist about the problem with my doctor and I think she told my doctor to slow down and actually talk to me instead of making me feel bad and then rush to get me to leave. So when I came in today my doctor was ready with a bunch of papers that we were gonna fill in and then send to the Swedish social insurance agency because, like I've said, I feel like I can't take anymore. I feell worthless, I feel like I've hit a brick wall or I've fallen down a huge pit that I can't and won't get out of. And up until today, the doctor who handles my medication for my bipolarity and aspergers has just been like "nah.. I don't believe you feel that bad, I don't think you're bad enough to report you sick". Like literally, the doctor I go to for these things haven't believed in me, so that's been creating this huge hole in our supposed trust in each other. So today we finally filled in all the papers to report me sick to SSIA, and this is a massive relief!!!
We also actually talked today, and I really think she saw me for who I am and how I'm feeling right now which feels amazing, so she prescribed a new medication for me and I have another meeting soon about anxiety, which I'm kinda looking forward to.

I took the bus home, played some Pokémon and cut my brother's hair when I got a phone call from my dad. "Hey, your sister's run away from home." My good mood just dropped. You know the thing I've been hinting at these past months but never said out loud? Well, we're going through a massive custody battle for my youngest half sister and it's between my dad and her mom, and there's cops involved, doctors involved, schools, dentists, child protective service workers (several), lawyers, a lot of people. And then there's family; we're eight siblings, a bunch of parents and then my sister's mother's side against us. It's too much! Too many people who refuses to take action or decide something because if someone decides something and it all goes to hell, then it's that person's fault. HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK?
I'm feelings relatively okay with writing about this since the majority of people around me doesn't speak or understand english and I don't think anybody that I know personally besides my mom is reading this. Hi mom.
I called my sister 8 (?) times and she didn't pick up, she usually doesn't when I call most, likely because of her mother, but my dad got a hold of her after some hours and she walked home to a friend when she decided to run away.

So like I said, it was a good day for me, but maybe not for some people around me. Now I'm going to watch some youtube and hopefully go to bed soon. I hope your day's been better than mine and that tomorrow will be an even better one, full of creative writing or painting or whatever you like to do!

Love you guys
Love you mom


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