Why is everyone having babies?! and my sexual orientation reveal

Honest question though, it does bother me a little bit.
Hey guys!
First of all; this will be a very personal post for me, so if you're not into that, then feel free to skip ahead to the next post.

So I recently found out that one of my exes has had a baby, and I'm happy for the person, but it's a strange feeling when someone you used to be happy with is now happy enough to create a life with someone else. I don't want the dude back, I don't want any of my exes back because we've all ended on pretty bad terms and there's like one person who isn't complete garbage. It's not that I don't want them to be happy, (even though I totally don't want them to be happy), but I'm at that age where my friends are having kids and me not wanting kids right now makes me feel a lot like I'm on the outside. A bunch, literally a bunch, of people I know had kids last year, and some are pregnant and expect kids this year. Good for them, they're happy, doing what they love and want to be doing, but it does separate the "want kids" from the "don't want kids/don't want kids now". It's kinda like smoking, where if you're a smoker, you get a reason to walk outside and talk a little extra with each other because you're both out there smoking and having something in common. Whereas I would show up like "hey, I just came here to see what you're up to and breath in this lethal air, what's up?"
So I thought that today I want to talk about the future and how I view it right now. I haven't written that much about me, more as what's happening around me and what I'm currently working on. Here goes.
I consider myself asexual or demisexual. It has taken me a lot of time to figure this out, and I've hurt (and gotten hurt) along the way.

In short, asexual means that you lack sex drive at all, or have a very low sex drive, and doesn't feel any attraction to people in a sexual way basically. You can find a longer description here, but that's the basics. An alternative is demisexual, that means that you can't have sex or see someone as attractive if you don't have a deeper connection with them. I've had sex before, but it's usually not for me, as much as it is for the other person, or to feel a bond or connection to that person, so I don't get very much out of it. I'm not interested in it, I don't think about it, I don't have the desire or drive to have it.
Moving on from just sex. I am currently not in a relationship, nor do I desire to be in one. I don't like who I become in a relationship because I feel trapped, smothered, and I get very jelous and depressed.
Besides from asexual and demisexual, there's also aromantic and demiromantic, and I fall under demiromantic. This is again when you have to have a deeper connection with the person before you develop romantic feelings for them. You don't feel immediate romantic attraction to someone.
A third thing that I also want to touch base on while we're on the topic is that I don't feel like "oh I can only be with a man", because it is much more than gender to me and I could be in a relationship with a woman just as well. This was something I first noticed when I lived in LA because I lived far away from home, I had nobody and I could start over without the thoughts and opinions from the people that already know me. Like I said, I'm not looking for a relationship, I absolutely don't want one, but I met so many amazing people while in LA and I truly love some of them and I do believe that's because I have a strong connection with them.
It also might seem strange that I've been in several relationships despite me not wanting to be in one. I have been taught, as well as most other people by media for example, that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. I've been really unhappy so I've constantly chased what I thought could bring me happiness, but it failed. So I want to say to everybody now that, you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. You can be unhappy in one and happy outside of one, and it all depends on you. Nobody else should control your happiness but you.

Now, when it comes to babies, I totally want one or more in the future. Absolutely not now, not even within the future five years at least. I know that some people think that you have to have a man for it but I don't want to have a child and be in a relationship with someone that might make me unhappy at the same time. I don't mind the thought of being a single mother, I in fact love the idea of it even though it might not be ideal.

So I guess there it is, the first time I'm saying it in public. I am asexual and demiromantic. Welcome to my blog.


Picture by Pexels.com


  • Grillmeister • 27 januari 2018 00:15:50
    i came across this by a complete accident, and i felt i was surprised to be mentioned, if at all, i feel mentioned.
    it feels weird, to read from a point of view of wich i've never thought of.
    I've had my first child, a boy, noel. born on the 24th oct of 2017, and hes propably the most wonderful thing i've ever yet to meet in my life. that is correct, i've never met him. i've only seen him on ultrasound screens, once. his mother broke contact with me, about a month after she got pregnant. i've never met him, because of she not wanting to speak to me, at all.
    n' swedish social authorities aren't doing their share of work, or can't be bothered to, so its been 3 months now.. from being a very wonderful thing, bringing life into this world itself, i cannot imagine how that feels. to be honest. i have a son out there, somewhere, and she keeps me from meeting him w/o a reason.

    having had trust issues my whole 18+ life, i've had a rollercoaster of emotional breakdowns. but, i've never given up completely, not yet.

    or was it that i never learned? i don't know.

    i do not require a reply, but i leave my email with this, just incase.
  • Hi Grillmeister!

    First of all; congratulations!
    I'm unfortunately well aware of how flawed the Swedish justice system is, especially when it comes to children. Unless you've signed over the custody to the mother, this is a legal matter and you should be able to at least gain right of access to your child. If the mother refuses to have any contact with you, you should be able to talk to social services about this and ask them for advice.
    If they're, however, refusing to help, a lawyer should be able to tell your their point of view. Most cities offers free shorter meetings with family lawyers that you can seek out if you're not sure about hiring a lawyer is the right move at the moment.

    You should NOT give up hope, because it is your son as well as his mother's.
    Children are (from what I've heard) a blessing, and should not be taken for granted, and I'm happy to hear that you feel the same.


    8 februari 2018 18:06:48

Latest posts

Latest comments

Post archive