Every day is a gift

It truly is.

Hey guys!
I wasn't planning on posting today because I'm focusing on uploading some reviews to the site, but I kinda feel like I have to.
My day was good; I slept wayyy too long again, then me and mom went to the optician because my mom's glasses aren't working out the way they should. Bought some donuts on the way home and then I've basically been in front of my PC for the entire day, while mom and Sebastian spent a couple of hours at IKEA.
Me and Sebastian went out to our nearest PokéGym to defeat the current "owners". There's three teams in Pokémon Go; Mystic (blue team), Valor (red team, and Instinct (yellow team). Then each team can battle for a gym with the team that's already owning it. If you win then you can place your Pokémons there and you can earn coins. Then if someone is trying to defeat your Pokémon at the gym, you can FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME give your Pokémon berries to improve their health. We have this kinda "unwritten law" in our neighborhood that me and Sebastian, team Mystic, takes over the gym at night and then team Valor has it throughout the day, so when we went to take over the gym one bitch ass stupid Valor player kept feeding her stupid Pokémon berries which meant that we stood outside in the pouring rain for 50 minutes. This is mostly (100%) because we're both petty and stubborn as fuck. Jokes on us though, now we're sick.

Came home, spent some time trying to write a review for Twilight because I watched it today and I wrote down some points that I thought could be good to bring up, and kept the TV on for background noise. Then suddenly between all the "Say Yes To The Dress"-episodes on TCL (which stands for The Learning Channel, by the way), a show called My 600 lb Life. I just.. Couldn't stop watching. At first it was because I was amazed that this person, a woman in this episode, could live her life with that much weight, barely being able to move, and it was just crazy. Then I had to tell my mom to come see her, and she ended up watching the episode with me. We both became very emotionally invested fast because it's such extreme cases, especially this one. She had two sons; one born with a very low-functioning version Cerebral Palsy, and another healthy one. Despite her massive body she dedicated her life to her boys and she said several times that it should be impossible to move around as much as she does, but she do it because she's a mother and she will never stop taking care of her kids.
It was so emotional to see because she struggled so hard to lose weight because she was hoping for a gastric bypass, but you're not "allowed" one unless you've lost a certain amount of  weight on your own during the months leading up to the surgey. It wasn't even a super high amount, and she thought that she ate the way she were supposed to, like a salad, but her version had like half a kilo cheese sprinkled on top of it. And then she had chips right after. "Oh well at least I ate a salad". Yeah no, that's not how it works. Then one day (and probably many others) she ate THREE pizzas AND one of those 9-piece Tripple Chocolate Brownies from Pizza Hut. She ended up gaining weight instead of losing it when the time came for the surgery, so the doctor had her admitted to the hospital for one month to learn how to eat properly since she ate over 30 000 calories per day. 30 000. You're supposed to eat around 2000 per day depending on how big your are, or how small you're trying to get. But she just.. Didn't see where she went wrong. "Oh well it's because my life at home is so hard with the kids" and "Oh I have to be able to treat myself sometimes", so she didn't see a pattern to her destructive behavior.
She lost a lot of weight in the end and she did have the surgery, (she lost as much as I weigh in total, and she had like four me:s left), but after the show ended her sick son died and she started to gain weight again.

I'm not a fat shamer, nothing like that. I come from a family tree with a little bigger people, and that's nothing wrong. I've always been super skinny but I've gained weight these past couple of years. It sucks and I hate myself when I look in the mirror, even though I'm not as big as I think I am. It was just such an eye opener to see this woman partially ignoring her problem, and partially understanding how much it affects her health and her family. And also, seeing her body. It's just so crazy that some people choose to live in that condition, even though the majority of the ones in that situation didn't choose it.
When you go to your doctor and he tells you that you need to lose weight, he's not fat shaming you. A lot of people talk about fat shaming and I think it's wrong, obviously, but we need to understand that the bigger you get, the more problems you're gonna face. There is a big risk with being bigger and gaining weight, especially if it happens fast, and people should know that. This is not the life you should choose or want and it broke my heart seeing her throwing her life away because she couldn't see what was going on, and instead always found something to blame her weight gain on. Her husband was crying during the interviews and you could see their healthy child run around, and.. At one point, she's gonna die. The boy is gonna grow up without a mother, and the husband is gonna lose his wife because she couldn't take care of herself.

I am thankful every day that I get to wake up in a warm home in a nice bed, surrounded by my bookshelves and books and have my computer close by where I can spread all kinds of weird shit to the world, and when I'm hungry I get to eat. I can eat almost whatever I want, when I want, all that stops me are those like 10 steps out to the kitchen because I'm too lazy. I have a dog, who also gets food. We have a car so we can drive almost anywhere we want, and if we're in different places we can call each other. I have clothes, I have electricity, I have everything I need to live a satisfying life. Growing up wasn't hard, but we didn't always have as much as other people. At times we actually didn't even have enough money for the electricity bill, so one day we were left without electricity for several days. There were days (sometimes longer) where we lived on sandwiches and ramen noodles, but we made it through it. My life hasn't been perfect. But I was, and still am, extremely fortunate. It's a gift and a blessing to have all of these stuff, and I need to appreciate my life more because every day is truly a gift that I've (we've) been given on this earth.

I also want to end this post saying that you alone are responsible for your happiness. Many years ago, when I went through a rocky relationship, my mom gave me a book written by a Swedish author named Kay Pollak, and the book is called Choosing Joy. It changed the way I live and it made me a better person. I'm not into all of those self-help books but this one made me a by far better person than I used to be. If you're able to find it, buy it without looking back, buy it. It's the only book you will ever need to feel better.
Basically the point of the book was to tell you that the best way to change your life was to change your attitude towards life. And if that doesn't help, change your life. You can either choose to read the bold sentences in the beginning of each chapter and use it as a mantra for the day, or read the entire chapter and focus on that. There would be things like "Be kind because you never know what someone is going through", and "The only way to find change in life is to change the way you see life". Letting go of your anger as well. Someone said "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Of course you're allowed to hate someone, I hate plenty of people unfortunately, but there's a difference between having those feelings, and letting them consume you. Another lesson is to make up excuses for people to help you avoid anger. One example that I actually use all the time, especially when my parents drive and somebody cuts in line or drives like an asshole, is saying that this persons wife/sister/best friend is giving birth and that they need to hurry and pick her up and get her to the hospital. In some cases that might actually be true, and by doing this I get less angry because I think that this person did what they needed to do. Then I can move on with my day.
So yeah, unless you're like kidnapped and held prisoner in a basement where someone tortures you, you are responsible for your happiness.



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