I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up

Hey guys!
So it's almost two months to my th birthday and it... does not feel good. It's scaring me, I feel horrible and my anxiety level is through the god damn roof. I met with my psychologist two days ago and we came to the conclusion that my shitty sleeping right now is caused by my upcoming birthday. I'm very happy to be alive to see all my birthday, but celebrating them? No thanks.
It's just that I feel that I've accomplished nothing so far and I feel like a waste of space and I look at all my friends and they have kids, they're getting married, they've having their second kids, buying houses and getting promoted and I am.. Let's just say that my biggest accomplishment these last months have been hitting level 30 on Pokémon Go. That's it.

My all-time dream is to become an author, obviously, and although I do write from time to time, I think it's highly unlikely that I do get published, partially because I don't believe in myself but also because there's so many amazing people with great stories that I probably can't compete with. And that makes me question how badly I want this. The answer is that I want it pretty hecking badly, but will that be enough?
Do I have a back-up plan? Nope. Would that be a good thing to have? Yes, yes it would. Which is why I feel so insecure and dumb because unless I do make it in this industry, I won't have anything at all to show for my life. I currently live at home with my mom, which doesn't bother me and I love living with her and my brother again, but I don't want to do it forever.

I've always said to myself "just relax and take care of yourself, but then when you're 25, you need to have a plan and you need to start taking yourself seriously". WELL, here I am, almost 25. The time has gone by so god damn fast.

But lets talk about something positive! Yesterday we had a very loved guest over; a friend to my mom that have been in our lives well before I was born and she's like an aunt to me. I woke up and made cinnamon buns, then we played some Pokémon Go, and bought some dinner.
Today was similar besides the guest. Me and mom went to a park nearby and met up with many other people to play Pokémon. We were around 30 players and we looked so stupid just walking around aimlessly. Felt soo good with the fresh (cold) air in our lungs!

Decided to take a picture of a tree nearby yesterday, hope you like it!

Time for bed, getting up early tomorrow!
Gnight guys ❤️


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