Random Rant Day

Hey guys!
This day has been so, so long. I've had some ups and downs today and I'm currently just trying to relax and not think about anything in particular.

I met with my psych. today and she was amazing as always. I love going to her and I feel very safe with her and it's getting easier and easier to open up to her about my issues. Today we talked a lot about my gambling problem, that I wrote about some days ago. I've noticed how big of an issue it is and it's hard to live with, just like any other addiction. We talked about different ways to cope and like replacing my addiction with something that also takes up a lot of my time so I keep occupied, such as working out. I did work out for a while before and it felt great but then I got super sick and had to stop.

We also talked about the future and what I think might be an option for me so that I can feel safe and good with whatever I'm doing. Besides writing, which you guys know that I adore, I would love to have my own business. I've had a one-man company before where I sold jewelry online and it went great but I felt like I didn't have enough will-power and knowledge to go all the way through with it so I quit before it got bigger.
Starting something like that up again would be a dream for me, but then several questions shows up such as "what type of business?", "how would it work?", "where would it work?", "would I be able to have this business even though I have 'bad days'?" I want to start something catchy that can actually grow and become something, although it doesn't have to be big. Obviously I would get a lot of support in this, and the person that is pushing most towards this decision is my brother. He too wants to be selfemployed, and he really burns for this (and he thinks that I can buy in stuff cheaper...). What I'm saying is that having my own "company" could, and would, work, I just have to find something that I'm good at that is possible to succeed in the business world of today. If you have any suggestions then please comment below because I would love to hear them!

So let's move on to the rants! There's not too many today but I need to get stuff off my chest so buckle up.

  • The god damn Aqua twitch-streamer. If you don't know who it is, it might be because she's only famous for one thing - admitting to killing a dog. Her name is Simone Scott and she's known as a titty streamer, which is a woman who dress incredibly inappropriate and plays computer games in front of a webcam, and whenever someone donates money to them they pose sexy or do some suggestive stuff in order to get more.
    So during a stream with a group, Simone got the question what's the worst thing she'd done and without hesitation or remorse she goes "I used to work as a veterinarian tech and I once killed a dog because I didn't like the owner" and then when she was asked, after the one who asked freaks the fuck out, how she got away with it she just said "because, you know, I'm professional". Obviously this started the witchhunt of the year and people are trying to find out where she lives etc and contacts her boss and I'm not saying that she doesn't deserve it, I just think that this could be handled differently. She could be banned from ever working with animals again, which is supposedly her biggest passion, and pay a fine or even be in jain for a while because of this. Don't threaten the innocent people around her. It's just such a fucked up situation and these past days we've had news in Sweden that your shouldn't let your cats or dogs be outside on their own in Motala because someone finds them, petsnaps them, possibly torture then them chops off their head. How the fuck can people live with themselves when they take the life of an innocent animal? Whether by a shot because you're mad at the owner, or because you get a kick out of it, how can you live with yourself?
  • My doctor. I have a house doctor who's amazing, a psych. who's amazing, and then I have a psych. doctor who's... not amazing. I've complained about her before because she's a very ignorant person and she treats me like shit during our meetings and today was a new low.
    I have the diagnosis Bipolar and Asperger's, and I have it on paper and I've been examined by a team of doctors that determine your diagnosis so it's all clear but my doctor are like "no they're wrong, you never went to (a specific "last" meeting at the end of the examination) the end meeting, you're not bipolar and you don't have the papers to prove it.
    She always yells at me and she's been trying to remove my diagnosis from my papers but she thankfully doesn't have the authority to do so. I asked through my psych. if I could get approvement from my doctor for a second opinion at another unit and she said "no, Frida should learn to accept that she's not bipolar and move on". She's so, so rude and ignorant and I really hope this turns out for the best, (the best being her going on retirement).
  • If you're awkward please stay away from me because I can't handle it. It's nothing against a specific person, but it's inspired by a specific person. I went on a "Pokémon Go raid" with a group of people that I met and there was this kid.. And he was just talking constantly about things that none of us even asked him about and he told me several times that he usually works out but he just argued with his parents so he went to McDonald's instead and it was just so much.. AND THEN he started to Naruto Run after and around me! He also punched and kicked the air and yelled NINJA SKILLS and climb stuff etc. In front of a BIG group of people, and he just refused to leave me alone. So I just took the bus as soon as it came, good bye weird kid thanks for the company. Also, its not that I don't appreciate company, it's just that I'm faaaar too awkward myself to handle more of it.
  • Shady friends. I have/had a friend who.. She doesn't listen, and she doesn't care. And it's just too much right now because my friend is pregnant with her second child and throughout the first pregnancy I was so close to her and I talked to her every day and offered to help her with whatever she needed. Then she had her child and it was like I didn't exists. Obviously her newborn is going to take up most of her time, but she immediately turned to the friends she had "before" the pregnancy that just left her to go through it alone, and now it's like I only exist when she wants or needs something and that doesn't feel good. I feel used and worthless in her eyes and the latest message from her was literally "Cheer up picture pls ". So, if you have a friend that only needs you on their terms and treats you like air whenever you're not useful, cut them out of your life because you don't need that kind of negativity around you.
  • The cold weather. STOP being so cold!!! Apparently all of Europe is suffering from the cold weather and several people have died because of it so far, so I shouldn't complain because I have it pretty damn good right now. But like mom always says "we should be happy that we have weather", which is very much true.
  • Lastly; casino commercials on media. It just to be one TV commercial here and there, barely noticeable but now it's literally several commercials in one commercial break. It's insane and it's really unhealthy both for people who suffer from the addiction as well as people who might think that it looks like fun and want to pick up gambling as a hobby.
I needed this, thanks guys, love you
Love you mom


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