Hey guys!

I want to start with a massive trigger warning on this, if you can't handle blood, dead people or war then this is absolutely not for you, because this is graphic.

A couple of days ago I watched the movie The Photographer of Mauthausen, which is based on a real story about the life in a concentration camp. We follow Francesc Boix, who's a photographer, and he uses his people skills to "climb the ladder" in the camp so the nazis rely on him more, which gives him more opportunities to save himself and the other captured.

Because of wit and influence he manages to take and sneak out pictures of what was really going on inside Mauthausen in Austria. It's so moving and so, so good. I mean, you're going to cry, feel sick to your stomach and turn it off, but at the same time it's very enlightening because I don't think we think about how it was to live in one of those camps.

Which brings me to the other documentary I'm going to talk about, which is MUCH WORSE. And now you're thinking "how can it be worse than a concentration camp?" Well, how about 11 concentration camps?

I'm posting the entire documentary down below because I couldn't find a trailer from literally 1945, which is when it was released, but I highly recommend watching it on Netflix instead because the quality is x1000 better and you can use subtitles when they talk in foreign languages.

Basically I just stumbled upon this after watching the first movie and I was... So fucking disturbed. I couldn't even cry, I just stared at this extreme, awful, disgusting footage of humans being handled like ragdolls who never lived or had a name. But I'm also incredibly thankful for the people that were able to help giving the people find "peace" being buried.

They also show footage of when they kinda clean up some of the camps and then place like 200 dead bodies in a room, then invite the villagers into the camps to show them just what they have fought for and what they've helped fund. The all walk in dressed in nice clothes like "oh, how awesome that we finally get to see this place" and the next scene are them running away, crying their eyes out and vomiting.
And keep in mind that these aren't skeletons that have been laying in the ground forever so they're muscles have disappeared, they are literally newly starved to death human beings who are SKELETONS. Like bare essentials is the only thing left of them when they die.
My brother isn't one to cry, but when they brought out the plowing tractor he was on the brink of having a meltdown.

So my point with this is about how fucking greatful we should be each and every day because we aren't skeletons that are just thrown into a mass grave like we never even existed. We're not thankful enough.
I'm posting the documentary and a picture down below, and again, if you feel too "weak" or you have a hard time looking at things like this then now is absolutely the time to stop scrolling.

This picture has been posted many, many times so I'm not giving a specific page credit.

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And if that's not the best title for an authobiography I don't know what is.

Hey guys.

I've been trying to cope with my job lately and it's basically impossible. I'm not going to go into details but it's online customer service and BOY are there many assholes around the globe. Seriously, it's to the point where I sigh loudly anytime I even think about working.
Besides work I'm almost fine. My back still hurts and my mood is still pretty low but I hope that will change soon.

Recently I've been watching a lot of Netflix documentaries. I love documentaries, and I'm currently watching Discovering Bigfoot which is about a man who tries to prove that bigfoot, is real and living in Canada with other bigfeet (?). The statistics and "facts" that he mentions, like how Canada has like 80% land that nobody has visited, sounds pretty logical. But then he shows videos and pictures of the creatures and you're like "no, I don't think you know what you're doing".

Posting the trailer down below.

❤️

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Hey guys!
Today I want to write about something different than what I usually post. I've been stressed out of my mind these past weeks and I haven't really found a new game to get attached to, but then I bought Origin Access, and when you do that you get access to a bunch of different games without having to pay for them. And that's how I found Fran Bow.

I didn't think that I was going to play through the entire game to be honest, but I got completely hooked after just a couple of minutes and I finished the game like three minutes ago.

The game starts with you, a ten year old girl, who have witnessed you parents being brutally murdered. You wake up in the middle of the woods after that and taken to an asylum where you're treated like shit basically. The point with the game is that you, Fran, want to know what happened to your parents and be reunited with your cat Mr. Midnight. You recieve your "medication" which allows Fran to see into other realities, which is a really good thing to help you through the game because something that isn't possible in one reality makes perfect sense in another one so you constantly have to switch between them to find solutions.

Along the way, and countless pills, Fran's view on reality starts to change and she has a hard time telling them apart, to the point where she actually doesn't really need her medication at the end.

The game is full of puzzles and mind games and I felt like you really needed to focus in order to get through the game without clicking every single thing. It is a hard game if you're not used to putting stuff together to find solutions etc., and there was I think two times where I had to look for a walkthrough to pass some things. It's also gory AS FUCK, LIKE LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK.

The graphic is another really cool thing with this game since it's 2D and point-and-click. I think it's done gory and beautifully with all the details and how the characters are created. It's gives you kinda like a paper doll feeling, while moving seamless.

It resembles American McGee's Alice: Madness and Alice: Madness Returns a lot, which I guess Killmonday (the creators) used for inspiration, because Alice is messed up, they're both extremely messed up games with focus on mental health and what we think, or don't think, is reality. What happenes and how the mind protect you from the truth. I highly recommend Alice as well, Returns is one of my absolute favorite game.

I don't want to spoil the game because I really want you to play it on your own, it took me roughly 6 hours and I wasn't in a rush.

❤️

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Hey guys!

Right now I'm working and watching That 70's Show on Netflix. I work from home right now, customer support for an online site which is okay, not much work but some people are super rude for no reason. And it's really tiresome, it's wearing me out completely, but it's an income.

Another (incredibly small, like, abysmal) job that I've gotten is as a substitute role in our version of the homeowner's association. I absolutely didn't plan on having this task but maybe it'll be good for me with some responsibility for once.
So how did I get in to this roll, you might not ask because it's not that interesting? Well.. I went to an annual HOA meeting for our neighborhood and we've had a lot of shit within our neighborhood this last year so nobody wanted to be board members this time. After like 10 minutes of yelling, asking people if they wanted to join only to hear "nope, never ever in my life", I was asked and "well I guess if it means we can go on with the meeting". So now I'm a substitute and fire safety responsible, and I'm signing up to a bunch of different lectures to know more because I want to do the right thing with my time.

Nothing much have happened since last time, I've just slept basically.

❤️

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Etiketter: tired hoa work

Hey guys!

Early fall last year I started to have some back issues, which turned out to be a kidney stone. It's my second or third one so far, and for each one you have the risk for getting another increases. Since then I've visited a couple of doctors and the ER as well, but none of them can agree on what the issue is. So besides kidney stone it can be an inflammation in the SI-joint (I think it's called), it can be a pulled muscle, or kidney "gravel", which is like a stone but several smaller ones that can pester you for years. It's been pretty bad from time to time, to the point where I can fall down in pain, but one day at a time and let's hope for the best.

So another reason that I've been off these past couple of days is because I'm in a depressive period right now, I'm bipolar which I've written about before, and right now it's pretty rough. I don't have any inspiration, I hate the thought of eating, sleep is all I wanna do so the days when I don't nap are basically a win. And it's like.. Jokes are fun, but I can't laugh because nothing makes me really happy.

Still love and miss this blog though.
 

❤️

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Hey guys!
So like I said, I am back. It's going to take some time to get into the blog life again, and right now I'm actually sick so that doesn't help at all. I'm currently playing a lot of Banished, which is a game where you start off with like 15 people and three cows and then you have to start building your town and make it grow. I wouldn't call the game fun, but addictive as hell, and since it's incredibly SLOW I have a lot of time to write. Right now I have my notebook next to me, writing down everything I come up with as I go along.

So right now my notebooks is filled with ideas. Some which completely suck that I know I won't ever write, and nobody would want to read either, and some that are pretty decent. But it's important for me to write them down even if they're complete garbage because then it's like I can let go of that idea. So it's like "it's on paper, you can look back on it instead of remembering it, now drop it", which I guess is the best advice I can give right now - if you have an idea, no matter the quality, write it down so you can let it go.

❤️

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Hey guys!

I'm so sick of saying "new...., new me", but I really am trying this time. I haven't been able to write for several reasons, one of them being my health, but also this page. I love Hemsida24 where I have my site, but I forgot to renew my domain subscription and then there's a waiting period before it can be repurchased again, which is a couple of months. Because of this I chose to take a break, it was too much work to change all of my info for another, temporary, domain.

I'm just happy to be back, I'll try to write more because I've had so many thoughts that I've wanted to share and I'm getting into writing again which I'm looking forward to. So stay tuned and I'll see you soon again.

❤️

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Hey guys!

So it's been several months since my last post, for several reasons;
For a "long" (not that long) time this blog has been out of my budget. I've been trying to keep up and I even have one and a half job right now so I'm trying to get back on my feet again.
I started to "work" in June, as a test to see how much I'm able to work because of my Bipolar disorder and my Aspergers. I've been very open about this before because it's not something I'm ashamed of (and you shouldn't be either if you have these issues as well). So I started out going to this "job" two hours each day and now I go there four hours per day, which is really pushing it for me. I don't do anything when I'm there so it's not like it's physically exhausting, I'm learning embroidery at the moment which we all know is fucking fierce and everybody wants to learn how to.. Make something nobody ever even thinks about.

Another reason for my break-up is that I've been sick. It's been on and off, I've gone through some stuff these past months and now I have a kidney stone. I'm going to get an x-ray soon so we can see how far along I am and if I need surgery.

Also, sadly, I haven't been focusing on my writing for quite some time now. I've wanted to get back into it I just haven't really felt relaxed enough. I have, however, downloaded a shitload of apps and programs and instructions that supposedly will make the writing process easier and I will share them with you soon!

Lastly, I've been watching a lot of movies and shows lately, among others The Haunting of Hill House, and Peaky Blinders, which I LOVED. So I'll write some reviews soon as well.

Hope this made some sense. Welcome back.

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Hey guys!
So lately I've been struggling with writing here because I wake up in the morning and think "oh I'm totally going to write about this and this tonight" but then... I don't, because I'm tired and I have a headache or some shit.

I went to the doctor a couple of days ago because I have trouble eating. Not in a eating complexion type of way (anymore), but whenever I eat I get these massive coughing attacs that can last for up to an hour, which leaves me incredibly tired to the point where I'm crying. And it doesn't just bother me either, because my mom and brother have to live with me coughing 'til there's no more sound left to make. "Are you dying?" "Do you need help?" "Are you okay?" Well no, I'm absolutely not okay but it bothers me that they ask because I know by them asking that it's bothering them that I cough. I also know that it's coming from a good place, but it's so hard to speak and cough at the same time. Either way, thank you mom for checking up on me!
Because of this issue I had to visit the doctor and he didn't say anything.. fun. At all. Like, not at all. It can be allergies (I have many but I'm very good at staying away from whatever I'm allergic to), it can be a possible gluten allergy, but that's also not very likely. It can be an infection, which is actually very much possible because I've been sick for several months now and the coughing began around the time my previous infection went away. So right now I have to take two different types of medication, one being Cocillana Etyfin which I've complained about before because it smells and it tastes the worst and I'm on the brink of throwing up whenever I'm near it. I also have to go get an x-ray of my lungs which I'm planning on doing tomorrow. And if all of this doesn't give any result then we might have to do a gastroscopy, which is where they take a thick string with a small camera attached to it and you have a mouthpiece in and then you have to swallow liquid while the doctor pushes this string camera down your throat. "Thankfully" mine's probably only going to go down my throat, rather than all the way down through the colons because they have to pull out the tiny fucker as well. I can get both calming medication and plenty of anaesthesia but it still feels very uncomfortable and I won't be able to eat for almost a day. And when the doctor said that they might have to perform one of these on me, which I already kinda knew because I've read about it, my mom just turned away and like "oh my god" and that's when I realised that this might actually happen. So I'm scared. I'm very scared because it's one of those things that I never wanted to go through.

That's basically all for today, I've been having such a hard time with my headache today and yesterday, probably because the summer heat has finally struck Sweden and I... Can't fucking wait for winter. Fuck this, I'm moving to Alaska.

Gnight guys
Gnight mom
❤️

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Etiketter: sick doctor

Hey guys!
So if you follow the news you might now about the current crisis in Hawaii, where the volcano Kilauea on the Big Island har erupted. I honestly don't know how to phrase this post because I feel both sadness for the people who lost their homes, as well as an.. awe for nature and a strange feeling that this would be one of the most amazing things in the world to see first hand.
I'm not going to talk about how a volcano works etc, partially because some many others have done it already, much better than I ever will by the way, but also because I suck at anything scientific. What I do know though is that this particular eruption won't stop for quite a while since there still seems to be much magma left in the earth that needs to be released. Magma is a mixture of molten rock, gas and chrystals. This is "kept" in well under earth, and volcanos are outlets, kinda like a pimple that you sometimes need to squeeze before it explodes. In fact, what happens when a volcano erupts is that magma is released to ease the pressure from under ground, so that the earth simply won't explode. This can sometimes be caused by other nature disasters, in this case earth quakes, but it's important to know that while this is purely devastating for the people who lose their homes, it actually helps earth keep its cool.

When the magma then gets released and starts flowing outside of the ground it's called lava, which can be both liquid (while warm) and sort of like a stone (when cold).

So far "only" 26 homes has been destroyed throughout this outbreak that has been going on since thursday last week. The lava is shooting out and reaching heights of about 100 meters (330 ft), which is insane. Although this isn't the biggest outbreak ever seen in Hawaiian history, despite the smaller earthquakes a couple of times each day, it's estimated to keep spitting out magma for at least three more months, which is actually considered to be a very short time since these things can take years. So far, more than 200 earth quakes has been registered.

All three pictures are borrowed from Washingtonpost.

Make sure to watch the entire video so see how mesmerizing it really is.

I'm having a really hard time right now trying to accept the fact that this is a horrible thing for people to go through because I find it so beautiful and fascinating that nature can create something like this. If we're going to talk faith for a little, I do at times see myself as a wiccan, or just "one with nature". Nature is life giving, it's beauty, it's a shrine and temple and church and if you ever need proof that something bigger exists then nature is the best proof there is. I believe in nature, that's my faith. So when I see this I'm just in awe because this is nature's way to solve a problem that could be life threatening to humanity, by simply releasing pressure.

So yeah, that's my take on all of this. To all of you affected by this, I'm truly sorry for your losses and nothing will ever compensate for what you've collected throughout your life and placed value in. The only thing that matters is that all of you are safe.
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