Hey guys!
It's been a couple of days for several reasons; 1, I am getting sick again. 2, I've been keeping busy working on parts of the page you currently can't see and 3, my mom's birthday is coming up and I am trying to make a cake for her. I love cakes, I love creating things in general and I love the idea of being able to create a beautiful cake BUT I am really bad at it. I've done so many flowers in gumpaste these past couple of days that I can barely move my fingers, and to top it all off, I've been outside in the freezing cold a lot as well so my fingers are in need of a break right now.

So what have I been up to? Well, I've been falling over a lot, among other things. I've been pretty unsteady for roughly a week now and it's starting to worry me and mom because something might be wrong, we don't know but we (obviously) hope it's not. Maybe I'm just clumsy. I think the first "big" fall was like four or five days ago when me, Polly and my brother Sebastian went for a walk and it had just rained and I wore my crocs and stood on the grass and slipped. I almost did a complete split, with my left leg full out and my right leg kinda folded underneath me. Hurt my ankle like hell. Then I've stumbled and tripped a couple of times, and today I fully fell into a sand playground. Like walk/falling-several-steps-before-slowly-laying-down-so-everybody-had-the-possibility-to-watch-it-happen-fall, in front of like 30 people, which brings us to the other thing I've been up to these past days.
We've been out playing Pokémon Go A LOT this weekend because it was Community Day in Pokémon so the event gave you a lot of extra stuff if you were active during that time, so me, mom and Sebastian went to some of our parks in Helsingborg and walked around, as well as two second hand/swap meet/fleamarkets which is always fun. We ended up buying Beautiful Creatures 1 and 2 because I haven't read them yet.

I've also watched a show called The Frankenstein Chronicles, which you can find on Netflix. I don't want to spoil too much but it is really awesome and I highly suggest you watch it. There's only like 6 episodes around 50 minutes each so just take a day and watch the whole thing. There's probably going to be a review on it at a later point but I like to see or read what I'm reviewing several times before actually posting my review so it's a later project.

And I also want to touch base on something that might seem silly with you guys. I have noticed that more and more people are appearing on my page. There's a somewhat big increase of visitors here and first of all; welcome, I'm super excited that you're here.
Although I'm very thankful for the opportunity to have a voice and be heard online, it is also a very scary thought. Obviously the idea of a blog is to write and have people read it, and that's my goal too, but it's just been me here and a few people dropping by every now and then, for so so long, so it's scary to know that people are now frequent visitors.
If you are new here you need to know that I (obviously) don't post daily. Sometimes my mental health takes the better of me and sometimes I don't have enough time for it, but there's always an update within 5 days or so.

Lastly; me and mom visited Helsingborg Dreamlight Exhibit in the middle of February, and we watched a piece called Chatty Walls, which was projected onto our city hall and it showed Helsingorg's history. I filmed it and uploaded it to Youtube and you can watch it below. If you have any questions then just fire away and I'll answer as soon as possible.

Love you guys
Love you mom
❤️

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Hey guys!
A couple of many days ago I talked about wanting to evolve my blog even more by adding a "review" page, as well as summarize all of my writing tips on one page so you don't have to read through all of my blog posts.

Today I had the honor of scanning all of my mom's paperwork and organize them in folders. I knew that there were a lot of papers but god damn, I've been sitting at my laptop for about five hours now and I just got done with the scanning part, now I have to organize and rename everything. I'm looking at at least another two hours before I'm done with this and then I'm never going near a paper ever again.

While doing all of this I started to organize and put together the writing page, since most of the review page is already up. Now there's pictures and a wall of text which I wish you good luck on getting through, but there's still a lot missing. I won't release the page until it's completely done so you have to wait just a while longer. Gonna try and get done in the days to come but I can't promise anything.

So what's new otherwise? Well, nothing. But I did have to chase our mail this morning. Apparently our mail man had some difficulty reading all of the house numbers because all of the households had their mail delivered to their neighbors.
After this post I'm making tacos and then I'm going to go to bed early because I am pooped after all this. So. Much. Paperwork.

Have a great evening guys ❤️
Love you mom ❤️
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Hey guys!
Thought I'd share a mildly amusing story from yesterday sine my blog usually only consists of me going on rants.
Me and mom went grocery shopping yesterday at this place where you can buy stuff in bulk. We do this maybe once or twice a month to get the basics, partially because of the price but also because it's so much easier to get all of it done in one take. When you go to buy food I strongly suggest buying big-pack because it can help you save a lot of money if you're gonna eat/use all of it anyways.
So both me and mom are very approachable and a surprising amount of people start talking to us, for reasons unknown to us. While bulking yesterday a woman and her husband/boyfriend walked around us and stared at mom before coming forward, and she asked my mom if she had a dog, and if we compete in a dog sport called rally obedience with Polly. We're like "no, we're super lazy and we didn't know about this thing". She's like "oh, okay, well then..", so we assume that the conversation is over. Then she starts up with "...because a place near us arrange these competitions and you look a lot like a woman that I know takes her dogs there, but maybe you're her twin sister but you were separated at birth because you can't really trust paper work, and my sister works at these types of competitions and I do to because I provide the food there but I don't compete because (and she literally said) I'm too lazy to, even though we have 17 dogs. Even if you're not her sister, do you compete anything otherwise?" All in one breath and she just went on. It's not that I didn't enjoy it, I love when stuff like this happens but at least tone down your enthusiasm, lady.
"Mmhmm, okay, we're gonna go this way now", and then we kindly hurried away.

Right now I'm watching My 600-lb life but my eyelids are fighting to stay up. As always in this show we follow bigger people who have bypass surgery, and isn't it amazing that we can in this day and age open up the human body to solve problems and get people healthy and heal people? We have incredible tools that can help so many people and I'm just in awe when I think about it..

I got up around 10 am today, sat around with nothing to do for an hour or so and then I took a nap for a couple of hours. Woke up again, went in to town to Pokémon for a while, mom picked me up after work and then we went home and I'm so, so tired right now, like gosh darn.
Hitting the bed, gnight guys! ❤️

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Hey guys!
So it's almost two months to my th birthday and it... does not feel good. It's scaring me, I feel horrible and my anxiety level is through the god damn roof. I met with my psychologist two days ago and we came to the conclusion that my shitty sleeping right now is caused by my upcoming birthday. I'm very happy to be alive to see all my birthday, but celebrating them? No thanks.
It's just that I feel that I've accomplished nothing so far and I feel like a waste of space and I look at all my friends and they have kids, they're getting married, they've having their second kids, buying houses and getting promoted and I am.. Let's just say that my biggest accomplishment these last months have been hitting level 30 on Pokémon Go. That's it.

My all-time dream is to become an author, obviously, and although I do write from time to time, I think it's highly unlikely that I do get published, partially because I don't believe in myself but also because there's so many amazing people with great stories that I probably can't compete with. And that makes me question how badly I want this. The answer is that I want it pretty hecking badly, but will that be enough?
Do I have a back-up plan? Nope. Would that be a good thing to have? Yes, yes it would. Which is why I feel so insecure and dumb because unless I do make it in this industry, I won't have anything at all to show for my life. I currently live at home with my mom, which doesn't bother me and I love living with her and my brother again, but I don't want to do it forever.

I've always said to myself "just relax and take care of yourself, but then when you're 25, you need to have a plan and you need to start taking yourself seriously". WELL, here I am, almost 25. The time has gone by so god damn fast.

But lets talk about something positive! Yesterday we had a very loved guest over; a friend to my mom that have been in our lives well before I was born and she's like an aunt to me. I woke up and made cinnamon buns, then we played some Pokémon Go, and bought some dinner.
Today was similar besides the guest. Me and mom went to a park nearby and met up with many other people to play Pokémon. We were around 30 players and we looked so stupid just walking around aimlessly. Felt soo good with the fresh (cold) air in our lungs!

Decided to take a picture of a tree nearby yesterday, hope you like it!

Time for bed, getting up early tomorrow!
Gnight guys ❤️

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Hey guys
I didn't sleep well last night, I constantly woke up because Polly was trying to dig a hole through the sofa next to me and it has this really thick fabric so the sound is super loud, and then when she actually did sleep she had weird dreams so she moved around a lot and whimpered loudly. I also felt.. Uneasy throughout the night for some reason, which made it all worse. I woke up at least once every hour, and then my phone started to ring constantly and I'm just really tired right now.
So, we've got that out of the way.

I didn't do shit today, except for when mom came home. We were going to go buy food, but decided to take a detour through Helsingborg to catch some Pokémon and look at the Helsingborg Dream Light show, which is this installment that goes throughout the entire city and it's so amazing and colorful. There's over 40 different installments in our tiny town, so Helsingborg is filled at the moment. We ended up watching an installment about Helsingborg, projected on our town hall.

Picture borrowed from Mapio.

I did film the whole thing and I'll post it within the next few days.

In other news; the 19 year old man that opened fire at a school in Florida yesterday is in custody, and he is a psychopat. That's the way it is. Don't blame TV-/computer games, because he would have done this either way. So far 17 people have died. I can't really describe how I feel about death because it's so strong. Like, a life can end in a split second. It that second, everything that this person have learned, gone through, experienced, is just gone. All of it is just deleted. The only thing left is the memory the people still have of that person, and that's really scary. Always do your best, and always be your best self, because that's the only thing left when you're gone.

Without getting into this too deep, I feel like I want to express what I believe in after death and how it all makes sense to me. A longer post about this might come later but it's pretty heavy stuff to admit so I have to gather up some courage for it.
I do believe in souls. I believe in angels (to an extent), and I do to and extent believe in God. I think that there's a limited amount of souls, and they are like a spark of electricity that we need to live.
So imagine your body being a computer, hardware, and then you need a soul, electricity, to power the hardware. Then you also have the software, which is what makes you you, like your memories, thoughts, opinions, preferences etc. And then when you die your body might be cremated or buried or whatever you want, your soul is "released" back into wherever souls are stored, and your you is what moves on into heaven if that's where you'll end up, if heaven exists. A ghost or spirit would be your you, rather than the soul. The soul isn't yours, you borrow it.
Well, why does the soul allow itself to be borrowed like that? Because whenever a soul goes through a life, parts of the life as well as your you, get stuck on the soul like crumbs and the soul needs to have gone through certain things throughout several lives in order to evolve to something bigger. What is bigger? you might ask, and I don't know that. But it gives life a meaning, even really shitty lives, when everything you go through is used to help the soul become something greater.

And so that's that. There's obviously more, but that's what I believe you consists of and why bad things sometimes happens to good people. Because I honestly can't explain it otherwise.

❤️

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This is aweful, I lack words.
Another school shooting took place today in Parkland, Florida. This happened at Stoneman Douglas High School, resulting in an estimated 20-50 wounded people, as well as multiple deaths. At least 14 are currently being treated at local hospitals due to serious injuries.

What differs from other shootings is that this time the shooter didn't have time to take his life, or get shot and killed, which is something that is pretty rare now it seems. When the shooter dies, we are not only left with so much death and damage, but also with the question "why?" Why did someone decide to go through with something this despicable?

According to the school, they had seen no indication that this was going to happen, no threat och call were ever made. Thankfully, the teachers had previously had training where they learned what they should do in this situation, which probably saved a lot more than would have been saved otherwise. But still, the fact that teachers now need that training is insane.

Both Melania and Donald Trump have sent out their thoughts and prayers on Twitter;

Bernie Sanders also took to Twitter to send his thoughts and prayers, as well as providing us with devastating statistics;

I don't know if this is really registering in your brains right now, because it sure as hell isn't in mine. This is absolutely insane. I remember watching a movie about the Columbine shooting that happened almost 20 years ago, and it just shook me that someone would do something this horrific, because in our minds, schools used to be this safe place where the worst that would happen are kids being dunked in the toilets for being too nerdy. Schools and pre-schools were safe, as they should be.
Columbine resulted in 15 deaths, and this alone should have been the wake up call that the US so desperately needed. Now, here we are, with a death toll of more than 230 since 2000-, and nothing has changed. So I am asking you; how many more will it take?

And not only schools, but bars, concerts, and more locations, how many more will it take before this is treated as a serious issue?
Yes, Sweden and the rest of the world has problems too, so why only go after the US? Because even when they look tragedy straight in the eye, they refuse to change anything. Unfortunately, the people are craving changes, demanding them, but the government isn't hearing it. The government, statistically, makes money off of guns and gun taxes. Money should never be considered worth more than a life.

So here we are today, with so far 18 school shootings since the beginning of 2018, but we're still no closer to a solution. I highly doubt that this is going to change anything, this is just going to be considered a great tragedy and people are going to grief for days, be angry for weeks, and then there's going to be something new that happens so we're distracted from the fact that kids still die because of gun violence. Then, this happens again, and we demand changes, and we repeat the cycle.

However, this is not the case for the classmates of the kids that died. The kids and teachers that felt the immense panic when they found out what was going on. The anxiety they faced while trying to find a good spot to hide to avoid being killed in school. This also isn't going to be forgotten by the families of the vicims, whether the victim is alive or dead. The parents, siblings and friends that are now forced to witness a loved one being lowered to the ground, or the pain they will feel when the birthday of the victim comes around and the only thing to celebrate is the empty chair left at the table.
I also want to take the time to share my sympathy with the family of the shooter, because not only are they shook too, but they're going to go through a whirlwind of hate from the community for something that they probably didn't know was going to happen, and that they might blame themselves for, even though they had no way of knowing what was going through the mind of the shooter.

Thoughts and prayers doesn't do much good, but the world stands behind the victims and their families, and you will never be alone. The only thing that could maybe make them feel better is if this situation was used to help pass a law about gun control, so that nobody else has to go through the pain of losing a loved one in this way.

❤️

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Hey guys!
Today I wanna give a shoutout to an app called StorySpark Pro. I started using it a couple of weeks ago to try and organize my thoughts, and despite my lack of writing desire lately, this app keeps my memory fresh and gets me going right away.
I don't suggest using this app to write an entire story on, but to use it as an organizer.

I took the pictures below to show you how simple the app is to work with (and to show my amazing improv-skills as well). Very simple, you can add several stories and chapters and notes, and they're easy to share as well.

Try it out, and if you like it, let me know!

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Seriously, I'm getting sick of this...
Hey guys!
I've been feeling like shit these past days too, it was turning around and now it's back again. I didn't take one of my very important medications last night because I couldn't find it (pls don't judge), so the entire night and day has been shit. My bipolar medication isn't addictive in a way, but my body adjusts to it like any other strong medication so I've had trouble with withdrawal today. Because of this I couldn't fall asleep until around 8 am., and woke up two hours later. If I don't take my medication and don't desperately try to sleep, I can easily be awake for 36 hours. I feel like shit, but I'm awake. Another thing that I experience without my medication, even if I'm just a few hours too late with taking it, is this crazy bad feeling like all of my intestines are shaking violently. Like, my entire inside is shaking apart and I start to feel like I'm gonna throw up constantly. I have fortunately enough found my medication tonight so that I'll hopefully get some sleep!
Sadly, I'm not the only one feeling like shit today, because Polly is keeping me company. She's been acting really weird and doing these weird noises and movements when she breaths like something is stuck in her throat, and she has diarrhea. It started when we were out for a walk and she found a hole made by some kind of rodents and she just started to chew away and I could barely pull her away from it, so now I'm super scared that something is seriously wrong and it's breaking me.

Other than this I've been cleaning up a little today and gathered some stuff that I'm going to sell online. Stuff that's in the way and that I've had through some troubled times and I'm ready to let go of those memories now. It feels incredibly freeing, and I'm going to continue this cleaning for some days ahead.

ALSO; it's soooo amazing to create! Will I ever become a real writer? I don't know yet, but I hope so, if I ever actually get finished with my projects before starting new ones. It just feels so great to come up with new stories and plots and scenery and not characters because I hate characters, so I just keep filling notebook after notebook with so many stories without actually getting them done. There is a possibility, if you're good enough which I'm scared I'm not, to sell your story as a script, or idea, instead of turning it into a book. Companies providing these kind of services usually take out a fee, but I'm gonna look into it more and probably write about that in the future.

Right now I'm watching Sex sent me to the ER, which is a garbage show with couples telling their stories of how their sex life got them hurt and then they had to go to the ER, just like the title says. For example people having sex in the ocean and then get stuck together because salt water washes away/dries out your natural lube and then you're.. stuck together. Don't do that. Not only do you get to see these couples embarrass themselves for our amusement, it's also accompanied with this dramatisation with the worst acting in the world. In. The. World. And it's great, it's one of those shows that doesn't make sense and you question peoples logic, but at the same time.. It's kinda fun to judge people.
I haven't changed the channel for like three weeks now, I'm still watching goddamn TLC and they keep sending the same program and same four episodes over and over again. 

DO YOU SEE HOW MANY DIFFERENT SHOWS THEY SEND ON TLC EACH DAY LIKE OMG MAKE UP YOUR MIND.  It's actually amazing, and the only one to blame is me because I continue watching it...

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Hey guys!
So you might have noticed that I'm on again/off again talkactive on this blog. It totally depends on how I feel, and it's not only the blog that suffers, unfortunately. I'm currently in a "negative phase" which is messing me up, especially with my upcoming birthday. I'm turning 25 in the end of April and the months before are always hard to get through because I feel like I'm wasting time not doing shit and getting nowhere. I am wasting time, we all are, and I need to change my way of thinking in order to start doing something with the time I've been given, but changing your way of thinking is often super hard. So that's where I am right now.

But let's talk writing, for once!
Because of my general health and depression and anxiety I've been really bad at writing these past months. It hurts a lot to admit it and knowing that I'm getting nowhere with my stories, but I've been trying to start writing again because I feel like a little bit of a spark is coming back to me. The one thing that have helped so far is to not over-do it or push myself too hard. It generally doesn't work out if you push your creative work too hard and focus on getting done, rather than creating a good piece. I'm taking my time and I'm doing a chapter here and there instead of focusing on the big picture, which feels a lot better.

And while we're on the subject of writing; I can't write the goddamn Twilight-review that I've been working on for what feels like forever. If you haven't seen it, I've started to write reviews of the weird stuff I watch, and I thought I'd write about the Twilight movies because I know them by heart, buuut I absolutely hate the first two movies. I have a pretty decent text so far but I need more to be able to post it with confidence, and I just can't. I have to re-watch it and I would rather drink a whole bottle of that disgusting medicin that I have to drink.
On the other hand, I've recently watched some awesome movies that I'm looking forward to writing about!

So what did we learn today? I'm very lazy and feel like shit and I use that excuse much too often, I've started to write again but my focus is on each individual chapter, instead of thinking that I have to write an entire book all at once, and that the first Twilight movie is absolute garbage. 3-5 are decent, but the first one... And also that it's surprisingly hard to kill your pets in Sims 4 Cats & Dogs.

❤️

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