Hey guys!
I thought I'd do a quick post to update you about my previous one where I wrote about a 32 year old innocent man getting shot because of something called swatting.
Today I woke up to the news that the person that made the call to the police is now under arrest and will most likely be charged for several crimes. There's also been talk about possible charges for the two players who started all of this because of an accidental team kill in a COD game.
You can watch an interview with another team member, as well as the unsettling phone call made to 911 here.

I'm not by any means a news reporter, journalist och running a news station here, but I do want to highlight this story and share it because I see myself as a member of the gaming community and I want to say to everybody that gamers aren't all like this. This isn't gaming, this is being an asshole who doesn't think things through and lets anger control their mind. This story doesn't have anything to do with gaming, except for the fact that this feud started in a game.


Read post »

Hey guys!
I had a pretty good evening until now; me, mom and Sebastian played a PC game that we played many, many years ago. The game is called Sverigespelet (or The Swedish Game), and is about a group of musicians looking for a drummer, and then each player has to find a drummer. You walk around the playing field, which is a map of Sweden and every major-ish city, answer questions, work, travel and look for clues. After you've found your drummer, you head to the band and whoever gets there with their drummer first, wins. Fun game, it was released year 2000, and it made for a good evening. We also watched Honey Boo Boo, and Extreme Couponers.
We had a shitload of food for dinner, some of it wasn't great but not everything is a win when you try new stuff. Me and mom had semi-home-made pizza (pre-made which we heated in the oven because we're lazy and I'm totally cool with that), my brother had ostrich and kangaroo because a store close to us sold it surprisingly cheap and he likes to try weird stuff. We also bought fried chicken, chicken being the best thing in the world for me. The ostrich was.. Not great. It was like brown-ish chicken but a lot rubber-ish and it tasted a little sad. The kangaroo was like wild boar, but not as tasty. The chicken, though! GARBAGE! It was fat as frick, it smelled like feet and I felt both disgusted and disgusting while eating it. Over-all not a great experience.

Then I went online, I looked through Youtube, read some news and I came across this absolutely aweful incident that happened a couple of days ago. I'm only going to write briefly about it and you can find a full interview with the person responsible for this here, among other places, but I need to get this off my chest. A couple of days ago, a 32 year old parent of two kids was shot dead because of a failed attempt at swatting. Swatting is when you call in a threat (bomb threat, hostage situation, etc.) to the police, who then sends a SWAT team to the address you have given them. This is a popular thing to do online because people think that it's "fun" or "creative" or "shows that you're superior to the person being swatted", you're "pranking" them. And I'm putting quotation marks because swatting is the absolute opposite of these words. Not only is it dangerous, it takes up both time and resources from several different instances, such as the SWAT team, in some cases a bomb team, the closest hospital gets a call about potentially recieving a large amoung of patients and has to prepare for that, which can then delay the emergency help for other patients, and so on.
Back to the story; two Call of Duty players, ON THE SAME TEAM, had a bet of some sort for $1,5. They both thought that the other person did something wrong, and started to argue about it. Then one of them says that he's going to swat the other player, who then pushes for him to do it, and even releases his address. A "professional" swatter, got the request to swat this player with the address given. The swatter calls 911, sounds hysterical and says that he just killed his dad, holding his mother and brother hostage in a closet and that he has a gun. He also threatens the police to pour gasoline on the house and set the whole thing on fire. Gives the address. A team shows up at the door of the player, and when he opens they shoot him down because they thought he had a gun. Obviously the police could, and should, have handled it differently, but the fault lies with the swatter. The biggest tragedy? The 32 year old man they shot was not the player. He was innocent, didn't play anything and he was completely surprised by the cops. The address the player had given was completely random.

The swatter is now under arrest for death by proxy, fake threats, and a bunch of other stuff. Then it comes out that the same guy, who enjoys doing this, also swatted a big Call of Duty tournament by calling in a bomb threat. They had to evacuate an arena because of this, and it cost a shit ton of money for every party besides him. Still, the guy doesn't at all feel like the blame lies with him, he's just doing what he likes and "it wasn't like I pulled the trigger or held the gun, I just did what I got paid to do". No, he didn't pull the trigger, but if he hadn't made the phone call and put the cops or this man in this situation, he wouldn't have died. This situation only happened because of him. Again and again he says that he's not to blame, putting the blame on him is debatable and especially, several times, saying that putting him in jail isn't going to bring the dead man back, so why do it since it wouldn't "justify" it.

This news is gonna get twisted around many, many times and it's gonna open up for debate on several different topics that aren't related to this incident. What happened here was that two petty guys argued over a pathetic amount of money, then a man called a in a SWAT team to prank someone, and then the police that recieved the call didn't check the caller number, nor the address they were given, drove there, shot and killed a man that they thought was armed.
We're now gonna hear

  • gaming is dangerous and we should ban it because it ruins the brains of the youth!!!
  • police are so full of themselves and shoot first and ask questions later, typical American gun violence!!!
  • millenials are ruining the world by thinking they can get away with anything!!! If only they were spanked into obedience and respect, but no, we have to hover over them and do everything for them, then this is what happens.
And the worst part about this is that these discussions aren't the least relevant. Somebody lost their live. A mother lost her son. Two kids lost their father.
Millenials aren't ruining the world, in fact, we're trying to restore what was left when it was given to us in a very poor condition. Yes, gun violence is a big problem, especially in the US, but not all of the cops are bad people, and in these situations when they think that someone just killed a person, is hysterical and is holding somebody hostage, as well as carrying a gun, they have to react quickly based on what they know. It was a bad call, but we have to take into consideration how they experienced the situation with the information they had while going into it.
Gaming ruining people is a really bad lie. In fact, many studies have shown that gaming can be very good for you; it helps you develop and maintaining your memory, you get faster reflexes, think more problem solving and strategical, as well as develope a moral backbone. This is not gamings fault. People going out and hurting or killing other people because they have seen it in a game, isn't doing it because of the game, they're doing it because there's something wrong with them. They have a very serious issue, that would probably almost definitely show itself sooner or later either way, but it gets blamed on gaming because it's easier to blame something that we're still researching, and something that is new to especially the older generation that doesn't understand the appeal, than blame humans being flawed. People who do bad shit didn't get these thoughts from gaming, but they had these thoughts before.

This is just my take on this whole thing, it's been a long time since I did a political- or news related post but I wanted to put my two cents in because like I said, this is going to get a lot of attention and it's going to open up for a lot of debates that aren't necessary in this case.
It's currently 01:29 a.m. and I'm getting ready for bed because ever since I started taking my anti-depressant medication I have fallen asleep much earlier, and woken up earlier as well.
My point in this post is that chicken tastes weird, ostrich is not worth the money, and before you do something stupid that might seem harmless, think it through hard to make sure that nothing can go wrong and, possibly, affect someones life. If you do find yourself in a situation where somebody got hurt because of you, own up to it because that's the least you can do. It can also help people move on and they deserve it. The only thing stopping you from not being a douchebag is you.

Love you guys
Love you mom
Picture from pexels.com
Read post »

Hey guys!
When I'm bored I usually watch some documentary on Netflix. This is not a paid post, I just really like documentaries and thought I'd write a little about the ones that I like.
Netflix currently has a theme called "72... animals". There's three types;

  • 72 Cutest Animals in the world
  • 72 Dangerous Animals Latin America
  • 72 Dangerous Animals Australia
Each episode is about 45 minutes, and there's 12 episodes per theme. Each episode consists of a countdown list that ranks 6 animals, and then one move on the either the cutest or the most dangerous top list. I like the concept, it's very simple, there's a lot of info about the animals and the pictures and video clips are stunning. And best of all; Polly loves watching it with me!

I decided to write this small post yesterday when I found a picture of a Maned Wolf, which are native to Latin America (specifically Brazil, Paraguay, northern Argentina, Bolivia east and north of the Andes, and far southeastern Peru). I love this animal so, so much because it's basically just a weird, wonderful mix of animal parts. It has the legs of a deer, body of a fox, and behaviour of a wolf.

Picture borrowed from WWF.

Picture borrowed from Shamans Wiki.

Unfortunately, these gorgeous animals are near endangered status, which is devatastating. To help them continue living in their natural habitat you can donate to several different animal preservation programs, or even adopt a wolf from Endangered Wolf Center. (Note, you don't actually get the wolf, I looked it up).

So, watch the shows, adopt a wolf, and please comment what your favorite animals are!
Love you guys
Love you mom

Head picture borrowed from Netflix.

Read post »

Hey guys!
Nothing much has happened these past days, I'm starting to feel a little better but I don't wanna jinx it.

One thing I'm struggling with when I write is that I have so many ideas that might not fit into the story. Although your inspired state is awesome, it can ruin your story if you don't keep track of where you're going.
Obviously, not all ideas are harmful to your story, in fact, it can be a great tool to find new inspiration and maybe see if your story can evolve in another direction than you might think. But if you already had a story in mind and you've written down your synopsis and started with your timeline, a new idea can ruin everything.
I noticed that my story was going down the drain because I always found more and more things that I wanted to add, exciting things, things with strong feelings, and things that might not fit in with my original idea that I had already worked so hard with.

I decided to do the only thing I could think of to try and focus, by releasing the ideas that came to me. I took a notebook (the one in the picture is my favorite notebook, it has pink pages and everything just feels so easy when I sit down with it. I've written before that write paper can be pretty hard to write on if you're like me and think that the empty page is mocking you), and this notebook I have next to me whenever I write. If I come up with a new idea that I think is great but might not fit into the story I'm currently writing, I write it on an empty page in the notebook. Once it's out there, I can let it go and focus on my current project.

This is also a good idea if you're struggling to fall asleep at night because your ideas and thoughts are bugging you; keep a notebook next to your bed, and when you come up with something that you just can't get out of your head, whether it's an idea or just a thought like I have to call my dentist tomorrow, write it down and then it's out of your head. You know that you've saved it, and you can move on.

Right now I'm sitting here, with my notebook, trying to make sense of the stuff  that doesn't fit into my story and thinking this is a shitload of projects, what the frick am I doing with my life. I would love to become a best selling author with a hecking big collection of books under my belt, and maybe this is the way to go, or maybe I won't be anything more than a pathetic dreamer the rest of my life, and maybe just one of these ideas might actually turn into something. But for now, having this idea book and trying to calm my crazy head is the best I can do.

So, that's a tip for the new year and I hope it works for you too.

In other news: I used to try out a diet consisting of drinking apple cider vinegar before every meal, and if you know what it is, you probably know that it smells like old, sticky, empty beer cans. It tastes even worse. I stop using that method of diet because it affected not only my breath but also my will to live and eat ever again. So last night I tricked my brother into tasting it and it was glorious. He's the type that likes to show off how great and strong he is, and there's nothing wrong with being a daredevil, so whenever he tries something that he doesn't like he just plays it off like pff, that's nothing, I bet I can eat more of this than you can. But last night, he went this is gross, I'm gonna throw up and nothing that tastes or smells like this should ever be consumed. Then he whined about it the whole night. Amazing.

Now I'm gonna return to American Horror Story: Roanoke and I hope you guys have a great day!
Love you guys
Love you mom

Read post »

Yep, let's start counting down right away!
Hey guys!
So Christmas is (finally) over. Like I've said I haven't had the Christmas spirit this year, and neither has my family, so we didn't make a big deal out of it.
Ate some food, surprisingly not too much like we usually do, opened presents and then we kinda went our separate ways. I ended up watching TV, which is also uncommon in our household because we mostly watch Netflix. I saw "Say yes to the dress bridesmaids" which is an absolute garbage show. It's about a bunch of bridesmaids visiting a shop with the bride and then they all have to decide on the dresses and they always argue, someone always cries and someone always like omg I can't believe you're willing to sacrifice our friendship because of your wedding, how could you.
I also saw FirstBorn, which is about a couple who get pregnant and then their kid is haunted by something that is driving her family crazy. There's not really much happening in the movie, the plot is pretty basic but it's still worth the time.
I also (unfortunately) watched The Family Stone, which airs every Christmas, and it's driving me mad because the movie is 110% cringe and I feel sorry for Sarah Jessica Parker's character and I just hate it. I hate that movie. But I still watch it.

I just got done watching Temple, which is a movie about three Americans who visits Japan because one of them likes temples and another is a film maker and the third one is an asshole boyfriend to the first one. I'm gonna spoil the movie now so if you want to see it, don't read this. They go to Japan, they're all awkward, one of them (Chris) speaks Japanese and he tries to buy a book that is written about a haunted temple which they're dying to go to because the characters are somewhat stupid. Chris sees a kid several times, and despite this kid clearly being able to teleport, Chris thinks nothing of it. He likes this kid and the kid leads them up to the temple from the little village they sleep in, in the middle of nowhere. An old man ran up there when he was a kid, and came back down holding his eyeballs in his hands, and still they go up there. Supposedly, several kids went up there and never came back down, and then the villagers went up and found a monk living there and killed him. The americans and the boy sees a kitsune, which is a human/fox hybrid, that later comes alive and kills the rude boyfriend in a cave, where his girlfriend, the temple lover, also runs in to help her boyfriend James. In the meantime, Chris is attacked first by the ghost/spirit/demon of a monk and he runs back into the temple where a bunch of the same kid climbs through the floor and stare at him, despite having no eyes, and growl with their super long pointy teeth before attacking him and leaving him disfigured.
We get to follow the story progress via a questioning, where a police officer/military/teacher/professor/we don't know, questions a guy in a wheelchair with a crazy disfigured face and body sitting in a wheelchair wrapped in plastic. Together they watch some film that Chris (the supposed wheelchair man) recorded that showed that Chris killed James, which doesn't make sense. And then he finds out that this kid was actually a ghost/demon/spirit/we don't know, so he gets up (which is weird since he's a fucking wrech at the start of this interrogation), stabs a translator in the neck with a pen and then runs out. If you read all of this, then you now know what happened in the movie. It doesn't make sense and it bothers me. I don't like open endings, but especially not this one since we don't get any info at all. There's nothing. And apparently it isn't just me either, since the entire internet seems to wonder what the frick happened. So save yourself some 78 minutes and watch literally anything else.

Now I'm gonna sleep, but I'll try to write soon again.
Love you guys!
Love you mom!

Read post »

Hey guys!
So today is Christmas which I'm usually very excited about. Christmas is the best thing ever and I start celebrating in October, I start counting down to Christmas the day after Christmas and it's just... It's amazing. We haven't had all the traditions that Christmas usually brings to other families, instead we've celebrated on a smaller scale since we're usually just 3 people now. I guess the reason I like Christmas so much is because my family used to get along during this day, so we used to be my mom, dad, me, Sebastian, grandma and my extra grandpa. Since then, both grandma and my extra grandpa has passed away and my dad is remarried and celebrates with his family. Obviously I do miss the rest of my family very much, but I'm very thankful for the family I still have and even though we don't follow every tradition from start to finish I still think that our Christmases are amazing.
This year, however, I haven't had any Christmas feelings. I've had a stressful year and I've been sick a lot and I've gone through stuff, so the fact that it's Christmas already is insane. Wish I felt otherwise, but I guess not every year can be the best year ever.

I thought I'd write a little about the basics of a Swedish Christmas because like I've said before, I have been asked a couple of times if and how Swedes celebrates.

We start preparing for Christmas the first sunday in December/last sunday in November. This is called First Sunday of Advent and this is when we slowly start to decorate our homes with various smaller decorations like small Santas and the Nativity sceen, lights etc. It's like the beginning and then you can do your decorations kinda when you want before Christmas. You usually don't take in and decorate the tree until closer to Christmas; some taking it in two weeks before and decorate it, and some take it inside the day before Christmas and decorate it.
Advent is usually celebrated with family, and we a candle for each Advent. Some celebrate it, some just light a candle and have breakfast together, and some doesn't really care. We have a specific candle holder that has room for four candles (one for each advent) that can look something like this.

Picture borrowed from fyndiq.se

So when it comes to decorations, we all have some similar stuff. We have the Christmas lighting which can come in different shapes. The other advent light holder we use, which are usually electric. There's different styles but the basic one is this.

Picture borrowed from Rusta.se

Instead (or also) you can have a Christmas star, and both of these are placed in windows.

Picture from Lampan.se

Christmas tree
There's not really much to write about the Christmas Tree since we have the same type that almost every other country has. It's either real or plastic (our is plastic), and then we decorate it with electric lighting, glitter, balls and some ornaments.

I couldn't find a perfect word describing this event but it's like a market/small festival with focus on Christmas. These usually happen in the beginning to mid December on different places in Sweden, and they last one or two days. Stall vendors sell candy, decorations, postcards, scrapbooking, food, and so on. Then there's lotteries, and on the one close to us that we visit every year, there's also something called a Christmas Train. It usually consists of santas, a school orchestra, kids dressed up as ginger bread figures and santas helpers etc. It's basically a carnival floater train.

Like everybody else, we give Christmas presents. What separates us from the rest of the world, literally, is that we don't open the gifts on Christmas day, we open them on Christmas eve. Some of us play present games with lottery deciding which gift you're getting, usually if you're in a bigger party to save money. Some give gifts directly to certain people. For example, here at home we give to each other, but if I celebrated with my dad and his family we would probably have some kind of lottery because it would be freaking expensive otherwise. When we visit my grandpa we have secret santa instead . Kids usually get gifts just for them though, like any other kid, with toys and clothes etc. We open this after dinner.

Donald Duck
Another actually pretty important tradition we Swedes share is that at 3 p.m. we gather around the TV and watch Donald Duck. This consists of an hour filled with Christmas greetings from various Disney characters such as Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Chip 'n Dale, Ferdinand, Jungle Book among others.

While the kids (and adults banned from the kitchen) watch Donald Duck, food is being prepared because we usually eat after Donald Duck.
Swedish holidays are celebrated with the Swedish Smorgasbord! This is basically a buffet with Swedish food. We have this for easter and midsummer as well, with almost the same content for every dinner.
For our smorgasbord we usually have:
Gravlax, herring, Jansson's temptation, Christmas ham, meatballs, a smaller type of sausage called "prinskorv" (korv means sausage or hot dog), more herring, a lot of cheese, egg, cale, and so much more. People then add or remove stuff based on what they like and what traditions they have. For example, we also have potato gratin since I don't like Jansson's temptation. We also have a lot of babybel.
Alcohol is also very, very common on our holidays. Mostly snaps and vodka, and then we usually sing small songs and toast before each shot.

After the main course we have Rice á la Malta (rice pudding) with fruit sauce. If you're in a larger party, there's usually an almond in the pudding, and the one who gets is, is not allowed to show that they have it until everybody is done eating, then we guess who got it and the one who got it gets a "pudding gift" (chocolate or a small ornament).

Obviously this are traditions that are common, but every family has their own values, preffered traditions and their own ways of celebrating.
No matter how you celebrate, if you celebrate, I wish you a merry Christmas and happy holidays! ❤️

Head picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »
Hey guys!
I complained in my last post about being sick, aaaand I still am. It's actually worse now because it literally hurts - a lot. Everything I do hurts; breathing, eating, sneezing... I had hoped that the worst would have passed by now because I don't want to spread it to other people and I just really want a good, healthy Christmas. I think I was sick last Christmas as well with something similar, and mom had to wake me up when we were gonna eat and unwrap gifts and I just don't want to have it like that this year as well, BUT THEN it turns out that I spread it to my mom as well. Sorry mom.

I spent the day buying the last of the Christmas presents and I just got done wrapping them. I honestly didn't think that we were gonna celebrate this year because this year has been so hectic that I haven't really understood how close we actually are to Christmas. Then it hit me like yesterday that we have to get ready if we wanna celebrate. I put up the Christmas tree, decorated it, baked 128 Swedish saffron buns (recipe is coming up), bought gifts, wrapped gifts, the whole shebang.
Like I said in the last post I have been getting questions about Swedes and Christmas so I want to do a separate post about our Christmas at a later point (hopefully tomorrow or Christmas), but I just.. I haven't gotten to it yet.

Our Netflix account has been used a lot lately, and I've watched a couple of "new" (to me) comedians as well as some movies, so I thought I'd recommend them for you guys.
I literally got done with the movie The Haunting Of Helena like three minutes ago, and it's about a young girl who starts to lose her baby teeth and then the "tooth fairy" shows up. Helena (the girl) starts to act strangely and her mother thinks that she's just acting weird, until she meets the fairy too. I saw the trailer and thought this movie is gonna be pure garbage, but it was actually really good and although there's not any super duper known actors and it's not "grand", it's surprisingly well done. It's 84 minutes long and even though it's set in Italy, they do speak English so do not fear.
The second movie (which I've watched several times before because it's kinda "soft horror" so it's nice to have on while you're playing) is Neverlake, which is about another young girl who visits her father in Italy (sensing a theme, guys) and while there, her complete world turns upside down and everything she thought was real was complete bogus. 86 minutes long, speaks English and it's a good gateway to heavier horror movies.
Standup comedy is something I love. LOVE. My Netflix list is probably 80% standup and I recently found a standup special with Judd Apatow which is sooo amazing. I've watched it probably three times already and I'm trying to convince my mom to watch it with me because she's usually not into standup and Judd's standup is very clean, family friendly but still very grown up and I just recommend it so so much. The trailer makes it look a little too serious than it actually is though, so keep that in mind. One thing that bothers me when it comes to some standup comedians are the ones who completely relies on sex jokes. Sex is easy to make fun of, so I don't see that as a great achievement so if you're able to have a whole special without joking about sex too much, then that's really a win in my book.
Not usually into Judd's movies, but his standup was so great and it feels like you really get to know him.

I'm gonna go and take a nap now before going to bed (what?), but a Christmas post is on it's way, and Christmas IS on it's way so MERRY CHRISTMAS (or HAPPY HOLIDAYS if you don't celebrate).

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
As the title says; I am sick! Haven't been this sick in years so I'm guessing that I get all the other years health retroactively now. To start my rant I would like to say that I've had mucus in the throat for a couple of days, so I knew that something was up, and then today I made the freaking biggest mistake you can make when you already have a throat filled with disgusting mucus: I went outside, wore to little clothes and walked around for hours.

Today I had a doctor's appointment concerning a lump I found in my "below-area", and I was so scared that I was cancer because we have a lot of cancer in my family. Turns out that I have a minor gland problem in my groin. Absolutely nothing deadly, serious or something to worry about.

After the visit I decided to take a walk around town to get some pokéballs before heading home. If you don't know how it works; you go to certain locations, usually landmarks, that are "marked" as a gym or a stop. You get to the mark, spin a "coin" and get pokéballs, berries and other goodies. I was out for one and a half hour, in snow and ice, open coat because I don't think things through, completely bare neck and throat and I strained myself pretty hard. On my way home my ear started to hurt, and by the time I got home, both ears, throat and head hurt. I went to sleep for a couple of hours and I woke up recently and it was even worse. I can barely speak, swallowing either mucus, food or drinks are unbareable, cold air hurts when I breath and everything is pounding. So, so tired of this already.

Now I'm gonna try and soften the pain with ginger tea and honey, so wish me the best!
Love you guys, don't go out in the cold weather undressed!
Love you mom, the same goes for you!

Read post »
Etiketter: sick, tired, unhappy, cold, snow

Hey guys!
I've been slow af lately but I thought I'd share an "easy" (easier) way to get your inspiration flowing using music. Something commonly known when it comes to writing is that the more you write, the easier it gets because your inspiration is starting to flow better and you get "in the zone". One way to do this is by doing small writing exercises, and for this example I'm using music.

So what you're gonna do is find a song that has a point or a story, and then write a story based on that song. A great example is Cats in the Cradle by either Harry Chapin or Ugly Kid Joe, and it's about a dad who's too busy to think enjoy his son's childhood and the son keeps asking when his dad is coming home, but the dad never knows but he promises that when he does, they'll hang out. The kid promises that he's gonna be like his dad when he grows up because like most kids do, he admires his dad. The dad eventually gets old, as well as the son, and now the when he has time to hang out, the son is always away but promises that they'll be together when he has time.
Another example can be Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac, These Dreams by Heart, and Fly by Night by Rush.
Also note that this absolutely doesn't have to be a long story; it can be just 500 words, but it can also turn in to a complete story with 300 pages and suddenly you've created a bestseller! (Pretty sure you're gonna have to pay the artist/s though unless you keep your inspiration a secret).


Read post »

Hey guys!
So yesterday was our first Christmas this year which we celebrated at my grandpa on my mother's side. He's the only "older generation" relative that I still have left, so celebrating Christmas with him and the rest of the family is really important to me.
Bought a new long t-shirt dress yesterday together with mom, who bought a cute top for herself, so we were really out late with getting dressed. We still managed to get there on time, despite a long drive and driving later than we hoped we would, and then the afternoon-evening went perfect. It was just like always nice, cool and all smiles and we left there really happy. While driving home it started to snow, which we didn't anticipate, so a drive that takes roughly an hour took us almost two hours.

As a tradition we each year get assigned a person that we're supposed to buy a present to, Secret Santa-style, and me and mom got two of my cousins and my brother got my grandpa. Turned out good. I got gifts from my grandpa's wife, two books (Lee Child's Nothing to Lose, and Three Minutes by Roslund & Hellstrom), as well as a notepad. Haven't read the books but I've looked up Lee Child a couple of times before so I'm happy to have been given something different than what I usually read, (and also my book collection grew with two books, which is a big freaking win).
Me and Sebastian went out after we came home and took some pictures of the snowy landscape, but bare in mind that I'm not a photographer. I would like to be one but I don't have the patience, money or enough interest. Or things to take pictures of. But here are a couple from yesterday, shot with an HTC U Play.

I'm trying to write shorter posts since I usually write so, so much, and I know that it can become boring when faced with a massive wall of text, but there's probably gonna be a longer post for Christmas so stay tuned for that. (Brace youself). I've been asked a couple of times if and how Swedes celebrate Christmas so I thought that hey, why not talk a little about Swedish traditions?

I love you guys
And I love you mom

Head picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
I haven't posted i three days now because absolutely zero has happened since last time. I've barely written anything, I haven't been outside and I've spent all my time either sleeping or playing games. Don't know why, this is just the way it is sometimes.

Tomorrow is thursday, which means that I am going to visit my psychiatrist, buy some Christmas presents and play some Pokémon Go because there's no Pokéstops where I live so I have to go into town to be able to get new stuff. A little boring, takes some time, but it's worth it. I think it's fun, which is why I keep playing it.

I don't have anything planned for friday so far, but we're celebrating Christmas with my grandpa on saturday. Then sometimes next week I'm celebrating with Rebecca; exchanging gifts and eat together, nothing big. And then, of course, there's the real Christmas, which I'll be celebrating at home with my mom and brother as usual. I don't complain.

So what's new besides this? Snow hit us for the first time this year! Since I live in the southern part of Sweden, we get snow later than the rest of Sweden. Everything was completely snow covered yesterday morning, so me and Sebastian played with Polly in the yard which was such an amazing sight. She really loves snow, and she's so freaking beautiful when she's all happy and playful. Unfortunately we didn't take any pictures because we wanted to live "in the moment" (we were too lazy to go inside and get our phones).

Love you guys
Love you mom

Read post »
Etiketter: weekday, boring, tired, lazy, christmas

Hey guys!
Today I'm sharing an android app that can be super helpful if you're not a native english speaker and want to become more fluent and sound "smarter". Or if you are a native speaker and want to outstage your friends, then this app can also help you.

It's called Vocabulary Builder and is released by Rishabh, and like the name suggests; it let's you enhance  your english vocabulary.

The app suggests a daily word that you can both read and listen to, and of course learn the meaning of the word. There's also a randomizer if you want to learn even more words, as well as two different type of practice quizzes.

Fun, easy to use app that doesn't take up much space or time and it's totally worth downloading. You find it here.

Love you guys.
Love you mom.

Read post »
Etiketter: tip, tips, help, words, tool
Hey guys!
So I recently wrote that I was watching a show called The Last Kingdom, and when I wrote it, I had watched maybe like half an hour.
Usually I play computer games or write or just google around while watching tv, but I was completely unable to do that while watching this show. I closed the laptop lid and just watched. And then I saw another episode, then another episode.. I just got done with season 2, and season 3 is supposed to be released late 2018 so that feels pretty hard.

The show is about a man, Uthred of Bebbanburg (played by Alexander Dreymon), who gets kidnapped as a child, then later adopted, by the danes (viking), when they arrive in Northumbria, and is raised like a dane along with his adoptive sister Thyra and Ragnar the Younger. Before being adopted, he lived with his family in Bebbanburg, which is a castle/minor kingdom which his father ruled before being killed by the danes. Therefore, Uthred has a birthright to rule Bebbanburg, which is the main goal in the show, but to re-claim the castle from his uncle, who works together with a rivaling group of danes, he has to serve King Alfred, whose goal is to unite the seven separate kingdoms into one - England.
The series is set in late 9th century, before England was born, and is built around actual historical events so there's a lot to learn from it; how it was to live during that time, how society works and most importantly, how England came to be. Uthred, however, is ficitional.

The series is re-written for tv and based on the books by Bernard Cornwell, and they're called The Saxon Stories. So far there's 10 books released, and each tv season is built on two books. The books are each about 350-400 pages, so they are very slimmed down to be able to fit into four episodes per book, since there's only eight episodes per season. Each episode is about an hour. I would love to read the books as well, so that's definitely my next book-purchase goal.

Now, if you're not into blood, gore and some sexual violence, this show is not for you. There's a lot of fights and wars, and it reminds a lot of fantasy but without the actual fantasy parts.
I give this show 6 out of 5 stars and if you're into Game of Thrones or Vikings then this is the next show for you. It's honestly such a freaking good show.
If you're looking for further proof of how good it is, it scored a whopping 92% on Rotten Tomatoes!

Picture borrowed from Rottentomatoes.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
So the tip of the week that I want to share with you is to have some kind of writing tool on your phone or your tablet.
We got two free Microsoft Office subscriptions when we bought our tablets a couple of years ago, and got access to the whole Office which now also includes Word for your phone or tablet. It's an amazing app, simple to use and whenever I'm out and I get an idea I just open up the app and write away. It works great with your OneDrive as well as OneNote so you can easily access your documents and notes anywhere you are. My free subscription ended this September, and it cost me about $76 to renew it for a year. If you're not into paying for a whole year, you can pay per month instead.

Whether you're into Office or you're more of an Apple fan (I know a lot of creators are), having a program that you can use on-the-go is an amazing tool and I highly suggest installing one.
If you don't want to pay at all, there are several other apps and programs that you can use instead that are also pretty great; JotterPad, Writer Plus, and Writer.

Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »
Hey guys!
Right now I'm watching the series The Last Kingdom on Netflix. It's about a kid that's been kidnapped and raised by vikings, and his father was a lord before their fort was attacked, so he has the right to that title and then he has to go back now that he's an adult. Long story short; it's like Game of Thrones but a little nicer.
I've only seen 23 minutes so far but it looks promising.

So what's new? Weeeell, I started taking a new medication about a week ago, and it's an anti-depressant called Sertralin and these pats ~3 days have been pretty fucking great. I don't know if it's because of the pills or because life decided to give me a freaking break, but everything has been good and I've been happy. So right now it's like is this the way "normal" people feel all the time? That's amazing! But at the same time, my family is suffers a lot of bad luck, and it's always something new that it pretty minor, then when everything's fine for a couple of days, something big usually happens. So right now it's like will something bad happen or am I just feeling good because of my pills?
Both today and yesterday was spent cleaning and putting up Christmas decorations, and today I've also done some laundry and done the dishes, so that feels nice. I also haven't been sitting at my computer until now in the evening.

Just wanted to update you all on what I've been doing and now I'm gonna go back to my show.
Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture by Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
When you're going to learn anything, ANYTHING, wikiHow is the way to go. If you're unfamiliar with the site; google anything you want to learn and a link to the page usually shows up. A good example is this link, that tells you everything basic about writing good stories, (and it's also where I borrowed the picture).
This page has five parts; Getting Inspired, Improving Your Story Writing Skills, Developing Your Story, Revising Your Story, and Sample Excerpts.

Now, the fun thing to do if you're not that into writing (either at all, or you're just not into it right now), go to the page, then under Explore you press Random Article. I got the article How to Plan and Birthday Party the first time, which is made up of THREE parts, including Getting Ready for the Party. There's also How to Eat Papaya Seeds, and How to Sleep with a Cold.

Hope you guys are great today, and don't forget to comment below if you find something fun or interesting on wikiHow!

Picture borrowed from wikiHow.life

Read post »
Etiketter: fun, useful, writing, help

Hey guys!
Yeah, so if you can't tell, this is a picture of me. Not a good one, I agree, but still.

I slept away the majority of the day again and then I went to Rebecca around 6.30 pm. We decided a couple of daysa go that we were gonna hang out a little, eat and talk since her fiancé was away on a work christamas dinner thing. We met up, bought pizza and went back to her place to watch a movie. Super nice and I've missed hanging out with her, since we usually only meet for like an hour once every other week and eat something quick in town before we both go our separate ways again. So today was pretty great.

I also got an early christmas present from her and her partner! We three went to the baptism last week together for our mutual friends baby, and then we had different choices of food afterwards and I chose hot dogs because I love it and I'm pretty basic. Afterwards they found this t-shirt with a hot dog on it and bought it for me. (And on the back is a brand logo for a company that mostly sell car parts, but they also serve hot dogs, which has now become their thing. And I don't know anything about cars, so this is perfect). I'm very happy for it because obviously they know me, and then I came home and showed my mom because I was so excited, and I asked her where she thought it was from and she said the company name right away. Because she and my brother bought the same t-shirt for me as a christmas present several weeks earlier and they've been trying to hide it because they didn't want me to find out. It's such a small thing but it really shows that the people I love and care about do the same for me, and it's such a specific t-shirt so it's amazing that they both bought it. So thankful for my real friends and family.

Hope everybody reading this has had a great saturday as well and now in a couple of minutes it's gonna be first advent sunday so we'll hopefully put up some christmas decorations tomorrow.

Love you guys
Love you mom, and thanks for the t-shirt

Read post »

Hey guys!
So today is friday, which means that another work week has past already, which is freaking insane. I haven't done much this week either; I've written a little, played some games and watched Alice Through the Looking Glass four times. I know, it's insane, but I can watch some movies over and over and over again, like just hit the play button right after it ends and re-watch it and still love it. It's like.. Something about the feeling that I get from certain movies that make me wanna re-live it again, or in this case, not leave Wonderland. (It is also pretty common for people with, among other, Aspergers to watch a movie over and over, although maybe not right after it ended, because it can give a sense of control and peace knowing what's going to happen when etc.).
I'm currently making lasagnette, which is lasagna but with butterfly shaped pasta instead of the big squares that are impossible to fit in the gratin dish.

On monday I'm thinking about starting to read one book per week. I want to start reading for fun again, because even though I constantly write about reading improving your writing, I don't read as much as I'd like. So come monday, you'll find me with my nose in a book. Then maybe I'll write about the book on sunday or monday after. We'll see how it goes.

And if you've read my blog before; I wrote about a court case some month ago and how it turned my life upside down, and that is finally settled now so I am allowed to write about it, which I probably will in the near future.

Now it's dinner time! Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
I just got done watching Alice Through the Looking Glass for the first time, which is odd since I absolutely love Alice in Wonderland. The movie was released in 2016 so I don't know why I haven't seen it yet, but now that I have: wow.
It's been a while since I was so interested in a movie that I stopped everything I was doing and just watched, because I usually play on my phone or play on the computer while I watch but this movie was just so amazing on all freaking levels and I couldn't stop looking.

If you don't know which movie I'm talking about; Alice in Wonderland was released in 2010, and is based on the book with the same name by Lewis Carroll. It's directed by Tim Burton and is starring, among other, Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman and Mia Wasikowska. The sequel is Alice Through the Looking Glass, with the same writer, director and actors as the first one. This was the last movie that Alan Rickman starred in, even though he was "just" a voice actor, and therefore there's an "in loving memory" right before the credits so keep tissues close at hand.

I have been thinking about getting an Alice tattoo, but I'm not exactly sure of what or where so I'm probably not going to get one soon. Still something I think about though.

I haven't done anything at all today besides watching Alice and eating tacos. I have written like 500 words and then I decided to stop before I deleted all of it. It's just one of those days when everything feels wrong and you wanna start over. One thing you shouldn't do (unless you absolutely have to) is go back and read what you've already written, before you're done writing your draft. You're gonna think that it sucks, this and this and that should be changed and it's just gonna throw you off, which you absolutely don't need when you're trying to get through your first draft. This is a very fragile process for most people, and I know that at least I can't take criticism when I'm writing.

It's now 01.13 am and I'm going to bed, I am super tired and ready for some sweet sweet (I hope) sleep.

Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture borrowed from Filmibeat.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
I haven't done shit today. Woke up around 2.30 pm, played on my phone and checked social media, ate breakfast and then when mom came home we all went to the mechanic to change from summer tires to winter ones because it's cold af in Sweden right now. Went home, dropped off the summer tires, went to the store and bought some food and we're just about to eat.
I did start my new antidepressant yesterday and it's called Sertraline, and it has a bunch of side effect such as;

  • cancer
  • diabetes
  • bigger breasts
  • peeing a lot, but also not being able to pee
  • constantly tired but not being able to sleep
  • carpal tunnel surgery
  • nightmares
  • painful restlessness
  • heartattack
and just a bunch of other weird shit. Obviously these are worst case scenarios, but is it really all that safe to prescribe something that can cause cancer and diabetes. Either way, I really hope that I don't experience any side effects because I have so in the past. The latest "new" medication I tried sent me to the ER where I had to be filled up with antihistamine.
So now we're hoping that this medication works and that I won't have to try any more medication because it's getting boring. It makes me even more tired than I was before but that's something that'll hopefully stop after a couple of weeks.

This post has taken some time to write because I'm lazy, and right now I'm watching the movie The Duchess. It's about Duchess Georgiana of Devonshire and it's based on a true story, starring Kiera Knightley and I highly suggest watching it.

So yeah, I just wanted to check in and make sure you're don't for get me (or how boring I am).

Love you guys
Love you mom
Read post »

Merry early Christmas, guys!
So as you know, Christmas is less than a month away for most people. I start to celebrate December 16th this year because we usually visit my mom's side of the family the weekend before Christmas which is really nice, we always end up having a good time, and we get to eat Christmas food, so I'm really happy.
I love Christmas probably more than I love some of my family members, and me and mom talked about it today because she pointed out that I'm the one in the family that is always over hyped, super happy, extremely excited about Christmas, which I am. But it's probably not the idea of Santa coming over and lighting my tree on fire that excites me, but my parents got divorced when I was a kid and Christmas is probably the only time I can remember that our then small family (me, grandma, brother, dad and mom) got together and got along. Obviously I could be wrong and there could have been a lot more occations, but Christmas means a lot because that's when we were together as a family. I'm not sad at all about the divorce, it's never been a hard thing to cope with, but you do lose that regular closeness to some of your parents if you don't meet them daily. And then when a parent finds a new mate it gets a little more obvious that you don't have that safe space anymore. Anyway, so my point is that I like Christmas because I like having the people I love around me.

I woke up waaaayyyy too late today, again, which sucks because I was supposed to start on my new medication today. I'm supposed to take it at 10 am, but now I took it at around 3 pm to make sure that I didn't experience any of the side effects and that my mom was home and able to drive me to the hospital in case I did have any. The time since I took is has so far gone good which is really nice.
I played some computer games and then we got in our car and drove to a Christmas fair close to where we live. It's a tradition and I think we've ever only missed one of them so now we saved this year as well.
It's not a big thing, it's a closed off street with a couple of tents where you can buy lottery tickets to win food and chocolate and eel etc., you can buy food to eat there and then there's toys and a lot of people that you know but don't wanna say hi to. Then around 6 pm there's this "santa train" where a bunch of kids dressed in bags, packages, night gowns and santa costumes walk in a line with real candles which is totally not safe, and there's an orchestra walking behind them and then comes a santa that waves to people. It's a less fancy parade, but it's still nice because you get to go out and see people and hang out and it's a once a year thing so it's fine.

After that, we came home and made dinner and then I sat down to play Hearthstone and now I'm ready for bed because I'm super tired and my medication is supposed to tire me out these first days. I take them because of my bipolarity and they're an anti-depressant named Sertralin which has almost everything as a side effect. I've been on medications for my bipolarity for the last couple of years but this is the first time I'm trying anti-depressant so that's gonna be interesting and I'll keep you updated!

Good night guys
Good morning mom

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
I'm currently doggy sitting two french bulldogs who are so far nice, but I'm bored so I thought I'd write a post in the meantime.

As you know, I'm very much into writing horror. It's my favorite thing to watch, read, write and listen to, and to get in the mood while before writing I like to listen to creepy pastas and "true scary stories" on youtube. Unfortunately it has become an obsession, but it feels so good to get that little chill down your spine. (No joke guys, in the middle of me writing that sentence, one of the dogs started to bark so I almost pooped myself).
This is usually a saying about writing horror or thriller, but I feel like this is a lesson for justabout any writing. "Write what scares you". We've all heard it. Write what you know, and write what scares you  because by doing that you get a genuine feeling to your book because you know in what way that specific thing is scary. And the reason this works so well with other genres is becausewe all have some kind of fear in different situations.
In a romance novel it can be I'm so scared that he'll break my heart (that's an easy one). Drama; I'm so scared that he'll find out that I cheated on him and then break up when we're all hiding because we're gonna surprise him on his birthday. Family gatherings; I so scared that my relatives are gonna start fighting in front of my fiancé, because they've argued every thanksgiving since 1998, when uncle Stephen borrowed $500 from grandpa to pay aunt Lily because Stephen's kid Johnny crashed Lily's car. To be honest, I'd probably really like that, but I wouldn't wanna introduce a new person that is the of family reunions. And also, if I just described your thanksgiving then please invite me next year.

So I sat down with my pink notebook some night ago and I thought "what scares me?", and I found a really simple answer; everything. I am deeply afraid of dying, and I know how that sounds because everybody is afraid of dying to some extent. Looking at my story so far, I though what based on my fears, can I project in the story? Some writers are very personal and you can see a lot of their personalities and their struggles and fears in their writing, while some try to be as unpersonal as possible. An example when a writer's personality enters their stories is when J.K.Rowling added dementors in Harry Potter, because they stand for, and freaking accurately describes Rowlings depression. Here's the description from harrypotter.wikia

"'Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.'
—Description of Dementors"

They literally suck the life out from you and they leave you with the feeling like you're never gonna be happy ever again. Everything you've done so far is in vain and you'd might as well give up.
My current fear isn't that I'll never get happy again because I know I will. I know that my depression and bipolarity is just an obstacle that is a problem right now, and I know that I have good episodes too. When I feel happiness and I can laugh geniunely. Right now I'm more scared that I'm going crazy, which is affecting me a lot (obviously), but I also see it in my writing. My character is asking herself what's real and what's not. Is that shadow moving, did I just hear someone call my name, was that some kind of movement in the corner of my eye, etc. Will I eventually start "seeing" whole people that aren't there? So to battle my fear of going batshit, I'm letting my character do it. And in return I get a more genuine story, because I know it so well.

Another thing that I can add, that isn't really much work for either of us, is say some words or sentence that can help get your imagination going.
Woods - What if I get lost while visiting a national park? Several thousands people are reported missing each year in the US alone, only from National Parks, and the ones that do turn up either have memory loss, or is several mountains away from where they were last seen, in a place that not even professional hikers or rock climbers can reach, missing shoes and socks, but their feet are in perfect condition.
Ocean - What if I somehow find myself, alone, on a lifeboat or raft in the middle of the atlantic ocean? Do you guys realise how freaking big the ocean is? And how small we are compared to it?!
Space - What if me and a group of other NASA employees goes out to live on a space station for a short period of time to fix something, and the whole crew consisting of 18 people slowly starts to die, and I'm the only one left?
Dentist (because everybody loves the dentist) - What if my dentist finally had enough and snaps because he found out that his wife is having sex with a heart surgeon, while my anesthetics kicks in?

The point that I wanted to get across before I totally spaced out and made a huge post, was that you can, and should, use your feelings, reactions, fears, actions in your writing, because that way it gets way more genuine.
What scares me right now is that it smells like poo around these two dogs so I'm gonna go and take care of that.

Read post »

Hey guys!
I just came home from my friend's kid's baptism and it dawned on me when we were in the church that I'm actually an adult now. My friends are starting families, buying houses, working, having family vacations. And I'm not there yet, and it sucks. I wish with all my heart that I was mature enought and I felt like I was done with being "just" me, and ready to start my adult life, but I'm not. I still want to travel, become something (preferably a writer), have friends from every continent, dine out 7 days a week for a month (without gaining weight obviously), and just be me. If I wanna drive across the US while listening to music and not wearing a bra, who's gonna stop me? I don't want anything or anyone slowing me down! But at the same time it looks kinda nice with the strollers and cuddles and baby clothes, and the thought of sharing that with my friends, instead of going through it alone several years from now when my friends kids already left kindergarten.

I want everything at the same time and I know I've said to myself "take your time, build a plan of your future life and try to stick to that, but don't do anything of it until you're 25", because I don't wanna sit there at 27, wishing for a year long vacation. I'm taking all the laziness now and then it's all about working hard after that. Which also is stupid because if I had any dreams, why wouldn't I just start working on them as soon as possible so that I actually reach them?!

Other than that, the baptism was fine and the celebrationa afterwards was okay too. The only thing though is when you go to stuff like this while single, you hear at least once "hey this is my... and he's single too, so now you can not be single together". Yeah no, that's not how it works, and I'm also not looking for something right now. If you see a single person at the next gettogether, leave them alone. That's all.
Now I'm gonna watch Airbud 2 with my bud Polly, and hopefully write a bestseller and show myself that I'm actually not garbage.

Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
As you know, I'm from, and still live in, Sweden. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving because it's an American tradition, and even though I like certain aspects of it, except from the history of Thanksgiving.
I do, however, wanna give thanks in the form of a blog post. The "problem" is that I have so much to be thankful for, so it's impossible to just mention one or two things. I'm thankful for being able to talk to my parents and siblings, sleep in a bed every night and being fortunate enought to live in a part of the world that allows me to follow my dreams or be sick, and still be provided for. I'm thankful for live, and I know that I don't say that enough. We take so much for granted which we shouldn't do. Being able to call each other, choose what to eat each day, walking and talking..

Today me and mom went to the shopping mall closest to us, and it was crazy. The only time the parking lot is that full is two days before Christmas, which is usually when I buy my gifts because I am not that bright sometimes. Even though I freaking know when Christmas is because of my chocolate calender, so why can't I buy stuff in time? We were supposed to go in and look for some stuff but decided that it wasn't worth it, and we bought some food and went home instead.
After eating we went to another store to buy a baptism card and paper to wrap a gift in because a friend of mine is having her son baptised tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she's not reading this blog, because if she did she would know how hard these past months have been and she'd actually write to me other than to complain about having a newborn, which everybody told her was gonna be hard, which brings us to my next point:
I've been pretty mad lately for some reason, I guess it's just these past 24 years that are catching up to me, so I want to thank every person that makes a stupid choice even thought they've asked for advice, I'd like to thank every bully and everybody that's constantly trying to bring people down because we have something we want to do and have a dream, and I want to thank every idiot out there; people who can't park; people who cut in line; people who don't put stuff back where they belong when they change their mind in stores. You guys show us decent people what not to do, who not to be, and each day you give us something to be thankful for: our brains.
If you however are one of these unfortunate people that can't think for themselves and can only cares about yourself then here's what you can do:

  • Look up and realise that you're not the only person in this world, and that other people also have places to be and people to meet. This isn't a game, where the rest of us just disappears when you turn around or change level, we're still here.
And that's all I wanted to say today, thank you.

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
Fourth (and so far, last) chapter in our doggo story. I've written about our dogs in the order that we got them, so today I'm going to write about our fourth baby, (my baby), Polly.

Picking up where we left off yesterday; we put down Mini on a thursday. It was a really hard decision, and leading up to it, my brother was like no, we can't do it because I need to have another dog to fill the void, it can't just be Tosen. This actually isn't that uncommon when it comes to grief, trying to fill the empty space to feel a little more complete. Me and mom wasn't into the idea of having a new dog and a new "obstacle" when wanting to do something, because Tosen, who we had at the same time, was old and she didn't mind being left alone for a couple of hours.
We finally agreed to get a new dog and we googled around for a suitable one. Since our "previous" dogs were adopt, we decided to go for a shop-dog this time. The day after we put down Mini we visited a professional breeder who focuses mainly on golden retrievers. We told her about our situation and that we already had an older dog at home, and put down Mini the day before. Super kind, I'm so thankful for her help and guidance and everything she's done for us. I still have contact with her and even though we've never been to one, she has like "puppy dates" where all of the puppies can meet once a month during the summer and she really cares about the dogs that she sells.
This experience was very different from when Mini was bought because here we came to this breeders house and the first thing we did was meet the momma dog, who was happy, playful and so tired of having her puppies around. We didn't feel bad about buying one of them.
Polly was 10 weeks old, and since a couple of puppies were still left, the breeder first put all of the male puppies in another room, because we wanted a girl, and then we sat down on the floor and as we got to know the puppies, she told us all about them, their parents, their heritage and in what ways she could help us and show us how to care for a puppy etc.
We decided on the baby of the bunch and the breeder was gonna deliver her to us on monday, because she needed to get her shots and this way we didn't have to do that on our own.

On saturday, the next day, me and mom went shopping or something. We had our new car, we just bought a puppy, we just put our other dog down (which was hard, but also a minor relief), and we decided to just take a day to ourselves. What I haven't written about yet is that my maternal grandma had Alzheimers, and for the last 8 months of her life she lived at a retirement/nursing home. She was in bad shape, and from the start of her coming there she couldn't do anything on her own. She fell at home on her carpet or stool or something, and that triggered the Alzheimers even more, and the also suffered a head injury. On that saturday we were both super happy, laughing, thinking about the future, and we decided to visit grandma at the home. When we got there it was like the air had changed completely and we just felt that something was wrong. And it was.
We were greeted by a staff member who told us that they were just about to call us and tell us to come visit her because this was it. And we went into her room and held her hands for hours, telling her all the happy memories we could think of. And then she passed.

We came home late at night, and found out that my dad was in town with his family to visit us and have a mini vacation. Perfect weekend for this, when we had literally just lost everything that meant something to us. Me and mom showed up at the funeral home and went through some stuff, then I had to leave town for awhile to do something that I can't remember and before we knew it, it was late in the evening again. And then on monday, I babysat my sister for a couple of hours, but I told dad that we had to meet up later because I was gonna hang out with a friend. Instead, me and my mom went home to my brother and awaited the arrival of Polly.

She was soooo wild and crazy, bit everything, had a freaking attitude problem to the point where I cried constantly because she would "attack" me, and she was so annoying and hard trained. Going from a dog who is smart and learn stuff by being shown twice, at most, to a small maniac with too much energy and zero chill, was hard.

Having a puppy isn't easy, especially after going through all of this right before getting her. My mom went into this translike state where she shut out the world for awhile because she had just lost her mother, and my brother who had just lost the dog that meant the world to him, didn't take the time to get to know Polly.
However, Polly was just the thing I needed to stay afloat, but because of this, I was for a long time the only one who took care of her. I was the one that set the rules, I was the one that walked her and fed her the times my mom didn't feed her, and I dedicated my sorrow for her happiness. And in return she made me forget feeling sorry for what had just been.

Around 3 months old she became a pure asshole. Me and a neighbor used to walk Polly and the neighbors dog and everytime she would bite the leash, run like crazy, she would eventually go on to bite me, my clothes, my hands, my face. There wasn't a day I didn't come home bleeding from our walks, and I felt like we had to give her back because I couldn't do this on my own. It was so extreme that, and I don't like to say it but literally nothing else helped, I would have to push her down into the ground, or basically drag her all the way home just so that she would stop biting me. So what I'm trying to say is that it's not only adopt-dogs that are hard to handle. Every dog is different and unique.

Polly is currenty 2 and a half years old, she the dog I've always wanted and I'm so thankful every day for her. We spend most of our days together, because when I'm sleeping she usually sleeps next to me and when I'm awake she's usually at my side. I'm not the only one taking care of her anymore, which makes me happy because every dog should feel as much love as possible (and I also don't need to get up super duper early to walk her). She makes my days complete.

Love you guys
Love you mom
Love you Polly, Mini, Tosen and Ina

Read post »

Hey guys!
So I'm right now sitting down, trying to write, cry a little (read a lot), and in my desperation to make it through this project of mine, I googled "how to write good stories" because as you know, that shit is hard. It's not that I can't, it's just that I don't think that I can't. I've always felt or heard or thought growing up that trying to write and become a writer is shameful, stupid, waste of time, you become a worthless piece of garbage in this wonderful human clusterfuck we call society because we don't contribute to building a better future. And that's wrong, because writing does not only help you evolve as a person, it helps other people find their voice, find the strenght and courage to write their stories, or live their stories, educate them, or just entertain them. But I didn't feel that positivity or happiness in my writing when I grew up. It's just a stupid idea, I'm never gonna be able to finish it, I'm never gonna be someone, nobody would ever read it, least of all publish it because it's garbage and I'm completely worthless. I don't deserve having this dream that I look forward to and that helps me grow, because I don't contribute to more than, at best, wasting trees, that could provide other people with oxygen. No, writing was never a good idea in my head. And then I sit down, I start to write, it goes great, it goes okay, it goes, and then it stops. The feelings and thoughts mentioned above starts to creep in and I'm stuck - again.

So in my despair I googled how to write a good story, and this article written by Joe Bunting pops up and I actually don't feel as hopeless anymore. Therefore, I'm sharing it with you guys because it can most likely help you too, whether you're stuck, bored, don't know where your story is going or is finishing up your story. You can find it here, and it's called How to write a story: The 10 Best Secrets.

Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
I wasn't really sure if I was gonna write this today or not, because it's been one of those "I'm tired and I don't wanna get up"-days (like every day for me). But here I am, and writing about this dog makes me both happy and very, very sad.

So our third dog was this amazing girl named Mini. Mini, if you don't know, means tiny in Swedish, and since we knew that she was gonna grow up to be a beast, we had to name her accordingly.
Mini was a very different dog from the beginning. We already had Tosen, but my brother wanted another one that could be his, more than just the family dog. Me, mom and grandma said no several times, especially me. We can't afford another dog, we don't have time for another dog, we don't have knowledge about having two dogs at the same time, and so on. NO, we are NOT getting another dog. And then we got another dog.
I went up to my dad's in Gothenburg to celebrate my youngest sister's birthday in the beginning of December 2012 and spent a weekend there. Then I was gonna go home on December 9th, right after the birthday party, and I got this call from my grandma like:
-Hey have you heard anything from you mom or you brother?
-No, why?
-Well there's this massive snowstorm and they drove out hours ago, and I can't reach them.
-Where were they going?
-Oh they went out to buy a puppy that Sebastian wanted.
And at that point I got so mad.. Words cannot express how mad I was, because I had been so stern and so determined that we.were.not.getting.another.dog. And I called and called and called, and I'm not sure if they picked up or if my grandma called me back saying they were okay, but after the party, me and dad dropped of my sister at her grandma then we drove down to Helsingborg to drop me off.
Me and dad comes in and in our couch is this.. Filthy looking, sad, scared (big) puppy who were just terrified of everything that moved. The picture down below is the first picture we have of her, in the couch.

I know it might not look like it on this picture, but she grew up to become the most beautiful dog in the whole world.

Me and dad were both like what do you know about this dog, where did you get her, how much did she cost, and we got pretty shitty answers back. Sufficient, but not satisfying at all.
Well it's a girl and she's 14 weeks and she's a mix breed made up of German Shepherd, Newfoundland, Doberman, Rottweiler and Labrador Retriever. And listen, I'm not against mix breeds, go for it, buy them, they can be amazing dogs. But keep in mind that in the majority of cases the dog inherits the bad stuff, like diseases, heartproblems, bad hips, attitude, from all of the breed. And not only that, but some breeds doesn't go well together, which can cause mental health problems for the dog also, which is what happened to us (I'll get to it down below). Unless you know what you're doing, don't, that's the general rule for dogs.
Another thing was that the home she came from was filthy, pee and poop everywhere, the momma dog was "crying" when they were about to take Mini away from her, as if this isn't heartbreaking enough, and my brother didn't really want her, but he didn't wanna leave without buying a dog either, partially because he thought it would feel weird because somebody just spend time on someone who turned out to be a waste of time, and also because he probably knew that I would lever in my life allow this. He also wanted to save her from the misery, so I'm counting Mini as a half adopt and half shop.

Mini was an amazing, incredible, smart, beautiful dog, I cannot say it enough, she was just so amazing to us. She learned super quick that she shouldn't pee inside, sit, kiss, lay down, she was such a quick learned, it basically just took one or two times of showing her what she was supposed to do and she knew it.
She also learned a lot of stuff on her own, like opening AND CLOSING the doors, (please note that we have the "ordinary" long door handles, not the round ones that are worthless when you're trying to get out of the bathroom but you have butter on your hands. Or something).
And one time it she actually locked me and my brother outside, which sounds fun now, but it was complete mayhem at the time. Basically me, my brother, Tosen and Mini was playing in the yard. It was around lunch time and we still had pyjamas on, and the keys and phones were inside. Mini threw a fit, and we forced her to got inside while we were waiting for Tosen to pee. SUDDENLY, we heard the familiar click of the front door, and she had gotten on her hind legs and tried to open the door, but instead accidentally locked it. Now, this on it's own isn't such a horrible thing, but right next to the door is our security alarm box and she could easily get a freaking security team out to our house. I had to knock on the doors at a couple of neighboring houses and then one opened and I called my mom from his phone, and she had to drive home and open up. It's one of those moments when the "I'm not even mad, I'm impressed" meme fits perfectly.

Because of her having mental issues, we eventually had to put her down. It started pretty early on, and it showed whenever it was more than just the three of us home or we were outside. She were so aggressive. She was never aggressive towards us, but when she saw other people, and especially other dogs, she would just freak out. Full blown trying-to-get-away-from-you-so-I-can-kill people freak out. When she was in that "zone" she didn't see anything else, and she almost bit my face off once. It was inches away from happening and I was so scared and it was just one of those things that you had to "get used to" when you had her, you always had to be ready, on edge, prepared to jump if anything ever happened. You could never relax around her, and she knew that. And that time it wasn't against me, it was that I was down on the ground for some reason, and she saw a dog in a distance and my face happened to be in the way. This also happened with my leg once, but instead of "almost" she actually did bite me, hard. My brother, who was the only one that could walk her, got used to being bitten because of this whenever they were out. And this is also a thing I want to mention, because it plays a pretty big part in our decision in letting her pass away; she was a big dog. Like, we knew that she was gonna get pretty big because of the breeds she had in her, but she got BIG. If you know how big a German Shepherd is, imagine something maybe 7 inches taller and a lot heavier. So my dog had to walk her because we couldn't, in fact, he barely could either.

Her issues evolved at a fast speed, and we were not ready for it. We could barely have her in the yard anymore, and when we did, we had to have her both on a leash that my brother held, and one that was hooked into the ground, and she still had to have a muzzle just in case. I think she did bite people a couple of times, but the one time I do remember, and I don't blame her (kinda) was when she was still small(er), and I walked her and our neighbor was out with her dog. I was like go ahead, and I'll walk behind you because I won't be able to pass you, and she, who was in high school studying to become something animal related said no, I actually study animals and I know how to handle her, so she tied up her dog and started to walk over to us, no, don't come over, she's gonna bite you, and I will not be able to be help accountable. You are walking over, knowing the risk, but still she was like noo, noo it's fine I know how to handle dogs. Well she didn't. Thankfully my neighbor had a very thick winter jacket on, because Mini bit her in her arm and didn't let go. My neighbor screamed and quickly took her dog and walked away. Of course I know that I'm partially to blame, but I warned her several times, and then I texted her several times to check up on her, and she was supposedly fine, but she did have to go to the hospital. Knowing that she could and would bite someone if they came close was a big problem because we are a very tight neighborhood with lots of kids running around.
Mom and Sebastian eventually booked a meeting with a dog trainer, and they met and she was immediately like you have to put her down as fast as possible, I hate to say it but it's her or a kid. We will never be able to fix this. And knowing that was hard because it meant that there literally wasn't any help to let us keep her with us. Yes, we could have gone to a special needs trainer and we could have worked on her for years, but we were never gonna be able to trust her. This, and also that she was very "sick"; she was depressed, stressed, we couldn't make a sound or raise our voices or play loud music or drop something without her having a panic attack and it would take a long, long time to calm her down. We decided that because of this, and because of her being a danger to the people around us, we had to let her go.
Out of the three dogs, her death was by far the hardest because she was only 2 and a half years old, and she was so amazing to us, and we loved her like crazy. She was our baby, and she still is, but she didn't feel good. And when your dogs don't feel good, don't be selfish and keep them around for your sake, let them go for their sake.

We couldn't plan getting rid of her, because then we never would do it. It had to be one of those "let's do it now, or not at all"-things. So one thursday in june 2015, we were like okay, let's drive up there and do it now, and we packed us all in the car, drove to McDonalds, bought cheeseburgers, cried like crazy, tried to not cry in front of her while in the same car as her, I walked in to the vet clinic, told them that we were gonna put her down (and this was in the evening so there wasn't that many people that could do it), and they told me that there were a long list of people waiting for help and that we could sit and wait for a couple of hours or come back in the morning. We waited, and waited, and cried, and took pictures of her, pet her.. Then they told us that if these pills wrapped up in meatballs wouldn't help calm her down, they were gonna have to shoot her with an anesthetic shot and that they had a hunter that could do it for us.
By a miracle, the meatballs worked, and she was too relaxed to walk so we had to carry her into a room. A vet came and asked if we were ready, which we weren't of course, but since she was already so heavily medicated from the meatballs we had no choice because she was already dying. So we looked into her eyes as they gave her the shot, and we watched the light go out until she was completely empty. Then my brother carried our 2 year old dog to the box given to us, put on the lid and we left her in that room. We walked out, got in the car, still with the cheeseburger wrappers and holding her leash and collar. We drove to a nearby store and we all walked in, which was the first time since we got her that we were out the three of us, without someone having to guard her. It was heartbreaking, and it was relieving.

Couldn't choose a picture so here's a bunch of them.
The final part will be out tomorrow!

I love and miss you Mini

Read post »

Hey guys!
So I assume that we all write to reach a goal; write a book, write a short story, a script, homework, whatever. Goals are great. But goals can also be incredibly crippling. You're (most likely) not gonna sit down one day and write an entire book in an hour. It's gonna take time and you're gonna struggle and cry and hate yourself, sometimes love yourself (I hope, I haven't gotten there yet). So "todays lesson" is gonna be to set up smaller goals to help you reach the ultimate goal; finish what you're writing!

Goals can be set differently by different people; I myself when I'm trying to structure the timeline, push myself to come up with at least 15 scenes per day. That's not that much, but it's a goal and I reach is every day which makes me feel good, and makes me feel like I'm getting somewhere. When it comes to writing, I try to write 500 words per day. Again, not that much if you think about it, since the average word count on an adult book is around 90,000 words. Assuming that you'll write 500 words/day it's gonna take you 180 days to finish your book. This is also a perfect example of how setting different goals can change the way you look at whatever goal you're trying to reach; 90,000 words makes my stomach hurt, while 500 words feels like taking a nap.

I generally try to write at least 2000 words/day, which I feel is a good goal for me because I know when I get tired, when I'm stuck etc., and that's the big thing about goals; they have to be goals that you can reach. Not too big because that's intimidating as hell, but also not too easy so you'll slack off because it feels like childs play.

Read post »

Hey guys!
Yesterday I started this four-part "storytime" about our dogs and our history with them. If you're not into dogs our my personal posts then there'll soon be a new "lesson" about writing with a goal, so stay tuned for that.

So yesterday I wrote about our first dog Ina, you can find that post here, and today I'm gonna tell you a little about Tösen (or Tosen, in english). Tös is an oldfashioned Swedish word for girl, so our dog's name was "The Girl" basically. We did not name her, even though we came to love that name on her.
We got her around 2012 (?), in a pretty different way. I love her still, but I'm also kinda very pissed about the way that we got her. Just like yesterday, we adopted our dog. I very much support adopt don't shop, but I can also understand the appeal of a "clean slate" dog and a cute puppy (our forth dog is a shop-dog).
My mom and brother worked for short time at a farm some hour away, and they had a lot of dogs there. They later decided to move and when doing so, they had noticed that mom was especially fond of this one dog and they were like heey, why not take her home...?, and mom was like nope, I' not going through that heartbreak again and we don't have time and we can't afford a dog right now, so no. Then they tried to sell the dog to our neighbor, and even though they liked her, they chose to not buy her because we knew nothing about the dog. How old is she? I don't know, maybe 7, maybe 9, we don't know.
How is she? We also don't know, happy maybe?
Has she had puppies? Yes, no wait, no. Yes maybe, I think there were puppies but also no.
So you know nothing abour your dog? No.
Basically all we had to go on was that she was a flatcoated retriever and that it was a girl. Then the day of the move came and they were like hey, if you don't take this dog with you, we're gonna put her down. We can pay for food, but you need to take her, because we will put her down otherwise, and this is a really messed up thing to say because they should never have forced her on us like that. What were we gonna do - let a healthy dog die? No, so mom brought her home.

We all got used to having her around right away but of course it wasn't without some difficulties. After getting her we visited some family friends and we brought Tosen with us, and while there, she freaked out and yelled at one of their kids. It was aggressively and it made us really, really uncomfortable because we didn't know at that time that apparently she had been abused as a pupp, which caused her to hate children. We called the previous owners, my mom was in shock and they were like yeah, well shit happens now you know that she doesn't like kids. OH OKAY, WELL THANKS FOR TELLING US.

There's so much to write about her, honestly. We had her from 2010 (?) to january 2016. During that time she attacked two kids, but they weren't hurt as much as shaken. She also blessed us every day because of how kind she was and she was an over-all amazing dog. In the beginning she used to steal bread when we weren't home an then hide it under furniture, which was pretty weird. She also went through the garbage and caused a little bit of mayhem, but that soon settled.
Then in 2012 we got another dog (which will be in tomorrows post), which she actually really liked. Sure, she got bored of this crazy puppy quickly, but they got along very well.
Some trouble we had with her was that she got sick a couple of times; we were actually almost about to lose her at one point, which was really scary. She had a couple of periods when she couldn't keep any food and just threw up everywhere, and she got so slow and shaky because she didn't have any energy or nourishment in her body. During the first of these episodes we tried to contact the previous owners (you know, the ones that said they would help out with food for her, as well as insurance and health related problems, but they cut ties with us pretty quickly after moving away), and we called and called and called until they were like yeah well drive to this address and they'll help you, say that we'll pay for it, which I can't remember if they actually did, I don't think they did. And the address they gave us... Guys, have you ever gotten the feeling like okay, I might actually die here, this might be it for me? We arrived in the middle of the woods in a valley almost, it was dark as fuck because it was evening time, and as we drove in, several big dogs surrounded the car and barked like crazy. We parked and waited for someone to meet us because we didn't dare get out of the car, and while we waited we looked around. Garbage, dogs, poop, enclosures with rabbits, as well as a pile of dead hens right next to my window. We're talking a real pile.

The vet (or, "vet"), later came out and as she distracted her dogs we had to hurry into a nearby trailer with ours, carrying her because she was too week to stand or keep her head up.
The vet was a very kind woman and she helped us a lot, gave us medication and we actually felt pretty relieved after leaving her, even though the trailer was a fucking mess, with stains from God knows what, used towels and a smell that almost hurt your eyes.
We didn't have to go back there after that incident, thankfully.

She got older and older, like dogs usually do, and after two years we had to say goodbye to our puppy and Tosen took that pretty hard. She was partially relieved the first couple of days, but you could tell that she missed her very easily.
Five days after the puppy left us, we got another puppy. This one was "fresh" (shop), 10 weeks, seemingly flawless, and both of her parents are competing dogs, which means that she has a shitload of energy. Tosen got so old when we got her, and the patience she had shown the previous dog, wasn't there at all. It was 100% get her the fuck away from me, now, which was really sad because the new pup LOVED Tosen.

This was in June, and around November that year Tosen got pretty slow. Everything was done in slowmotion, she had problems chewing her food, her patience was literally zero and we knew that we weren't gonna have her forever anymore. December came around and it got worse, she threw up a lot, and around Christmas she stopped walking. We had to carry her outside so that she could pee, but whenever we did she would just lay where we put her. She was in so much pain and you could see on her that she wanted to be put down, she was done, she didn't wanna do this anymore. Still, hoping that she was just sick, we kept her around, but in early January 2016 she hadn't eaten or had water for some days, and she hade barely moved so we decided that it was time to let her go. I stayed home with the new pup as my mom and brother went to the vet with Tosen and came home without her. The picture below is the last one we have of her, and she's with her "sister", that was very protective over her near the end.

Thanks for reading so far; I like to give something more than just writing on here, more to get to know me and who I am and who I've been, as well as hope to be. I'm going to add two more parts of this "series" and if you chose to read it, I would be super happy. Also, feel free to leave a comment or share this blog, it would be super fun to hear from you guys.

Love you guys
Love you mom

Read post »

Hey guys!
YES, that is a bad title for a post, you're absolutely right. If you're not into dogs or aren't that crazy about my personal posts then you won't miss out if you skip this one.

So yesterday, a guy that I follow online lost his dog. She was just a puppy and so, so cute, and after crying from watching the video where he talks us through what happened, I just had to hold Polly for a while. I don't think I fully understand how much I love my dog, and how much dogs mean to me. So I thought I'd write about our history with dogs because it can be a "fun" thing to read to get to know me more.
We got "our" first dog around... 2008? I'm not sure, but we got her from a site that let's you know when some dogs are rescued by the police, and then you have the possibility to adopt them. My maternal grandmother wanted a dog because she felt lonely, and both me and my brother (especially my brother) were crazy about the idea of having a pet, even though it was supposed to be grandma's dog, and it was gonna live with her, but she didn't live far away and it was still a huge thing. So we booked a time with the police to visit their shelter and we could pick out our dog, and we came there to look for a Cavalier King Charles, because the police had just picked up this huge group of dogs (like 16 or something), that were underfed, uncared for and it was all just a mess. Some had to be put down and some were given the chance to find a forever-home. Out of all of them this small, sensitive little dog came and picked us and we named her Ina.

We soon realized that she had huge problems healthwise, and because of that we couldn't keep her for as long as we'd hope. I don't know if we had her like 6 months or more, but grandma spent so much money trying to fix her up, and we'd happily spend more, but she was suffering a lot so we put her down. During the time she was with us we had to remove some of her teeth twice; the first time it wasn't done right and the vet actually removed some healthy teeth and left the bad ones in, which meant that we had to take all of her teeth at a later point. After this, her tounge was always out and we couldn't give her any food that she had to chew.

After the teeth, we found out that her stomach was in bad shape. It was honestly all just a mess, which is why it's kinda har to remember now 9 years later. We had to have her entire uterus removed, which kinda changed how she was, and she became a lot more unpredictable. She also started to pee inside, which she did a lot, which then caused the risk of my grandma slipping in it. She then came to live with us some time after that. Then, it even worse because she started to have these complete freak-outs where she would whimper and scream in pain whenever we got near or touched her. This was caused by something called syringomyelia, which is something that is common mainly with smaller dogs, and especially with Cavaliers. Humans can have this too, but in another form, this is the dog version.
So syringomyelia is a disease that dogs inherit from their parents, and it's when the brain grows like it should, but the skull bone is too small for the brain to fit. This causes problems mainly for the back of the skull, which creates a malformation where the brain instead of stop growing, starts to psuh through the entrance to the spinal cord because of pressure. This then puts pressure on different nerves which causes the nerv system to "think" that the dog is in pain or is hurt. There's more to it, but that's the basics about the disease and now you know that (the more you know!).
So basically we had this dog that couldn't eat without help, she couldn't control her bladder and she was in constant pain, which she partially thought that we afflicted. It's common to try with medication, which we did, and also surgery, which we chose not to. She had already gone through a lot, especially since before coming to us, so we decided to let her pass away before it got worse. We did what we could, and we gave her the best months she could have had and she was constantly surrounded by love.
Having a dog is an amazing experience, but the day we said goodbye to her was one of the hardest in my life so far.

Part 2 will be out tomorrow, so stay tuned! Also, I think there's gonna be a new "lesson" coming out as well.

Love you guys
Love you mom

Read post »

Hey guys!
YES, another post about the word very. Why? Because it's a word we use all the time. This "lesson" is different though, because last time we talked about how the word is used to strenghten a sentence like "I'm hungry", which then turns into "I'm very hungry", because then it's like wow, damn, this dude is ready to eat a whole buffalo.
This time it's instead about switching out both the word very, and the word the very is trying to strenghten. So instead of very hungry, we now have starving.

The picture is from Fluent Land, and very helpful.

Read post »

Hey guys!
I'm in a little bit of "trouble" right now, it's nothing big, and it's not really a problem, but it's a problem to me.
If you're a frequent reader here then you might have noticed that my life is fucking intense. There's always some kind of drama around me, I never feel like I can relax and there's always something happening the second I think we're in the clear. So I was approached with this "business idea" yesterday that I've kinda accepted; my dad called me and was like "hey, you like to write and if you ever need more material, me and your stepmom are both looking for a ghostwriter to write our memoirs, and we're willing to pay for it if you're interested." Now, I feel like yeah, let's make some money and get to know both my dad and my stepmom on a deeper level, but at the same time, I don't want to write something that can be misunderstood or taken the wrong way or that I somehow mess something up and everything goes down the drain. I hate disappointing both me and other people, which is probably why I'm such a freaking loser in real life; I don't want to do anything that I'm not sure that I can do perfectly, so I'm not trying new things.
So that's been on my mind for awhile. I think I'm gonna try it out, I'm pretty sure I will accept, but I'm very scared about the result. What if I'm not good enough? What would you guys do?

Today (and these past couple of days), has been super lazy, I haven't gotten anything done besides taking a shower. Right now I'm watching Misfits again, and playing the Sims 4. If you watch the trailer for Misfits, you should know that there's not as much sex as the trailer makes you think there is, but it's not a show suitable for all ages.
I've also listened to like 7 hours of "true scary stories from reddit", which is basically an entire genre on youtube with just different channels reading stories sent in to reddit of real, or "real" events. I'm assuming most of them aren't real, but they're still very well written and it makes for great background sound if you wanna get in the mood for being to scared to go to the bathroom.

Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!
I found this picture by Author Zoo that contains a bunch of words that are used for describing "touchy feely" stuff. I honestly can't think of a better way to phrase it than that.

I think there's a lot of things and feelings that we'd like to describe while writing, but we just can't find the words, so this can be a great help. At least I need this because my writing gets super stiff otherwise, since I'm not that great at describing stuff.

Also; Author Zoo is a great site filled with writing tips and I highly suggest you check it out!

Read post »

Hey guys!
I spent some time on Pinterest some nights ago, and I found this awfully, remarkably exceptionally good "chart" of words to use instead of very. I've noticed in my own writing that I use the word very very often because I want to give a more precise description I can about something, so this came in super handy. I swapped out some very's with some greatly's and vastly's and suddenly it was a completely different story.

The picture is from Oxford Tutoring.

Read post »

Hey guys!
I'd like to show you a fun site that I use sometimes to escape my boredom. StumbleUpon is a site that allows you to find random sites that you might not have thought of looking up otherwise. Maybe you'll find a new interest, a new idea or just something to distract you for 15 minutes.

All you do is create an account, you'll get a bunch of different topics that you can save if you're interested in them and then the site will automatically send you to different webpages based on what you're interested in. Super easy, simple, free and you'll never feel bored again.

So this is a picture from my StumbleUpon profile, and as you can see I have a lot of weird interests. It's a mix of stuff that I usually wouldn't find in one place otherwise, so the tool of this site is actually great. The site can send you to everything from pictures of puppies to wikipedia lists of mythological creatures.

Also, this is not a paid-for post, I just really love this page. Have fun!

Picture borrowed from StumbleUpon's site.

Read post »
Etiketter: tip, fun, tips, useful
As you might have noticed, this place looks completely different - again. Do you like it?
I've gone through several blogs and blog designs these past years and that's partially because I can never decide on anything, but also because I feel like I grow out of them. I feel like I'm growing, and I've done that a lot lately.

I haven't fully been commited to this blog these past months and I really want to change that so I've already loaded up on some posts down the line, and let's just please call this a clean slate? Whatever posts posted before this one will stay on this page, they're my cringe-filled gift to you guys and I hope you'll stay with me while I'm starting to take my life seriously again!

What to expect from now on; at least some cheesy quotes, more write-related; less family drama (although my family seems to thrive on it) and more happy thoughts!
The picture for this post is a picture of me from 2012. 2012! And the reason I'm posting it is because almost three years before that picture was taken I went through a personal hell, but it made me grow. So let that happy, but depressing, but also excited and naive face be the new face of this blog.

I love you guys
I love you mom
Read post »

Hey guys!

Today was a.. It wasn't a good day, but it was a better day. For me at least. It's currently 11.22 pm and I just woke up from a nap, which isn't the best thing to take right before going to sleep. But it felt sooo good!

I woke up around 12 am today because I'm a lazy piece of garbage. I then had a quick sandwich, got dressed and put on makeup and ran to the bus, because I had a doctor's appointment to get to today. I felt really bad about it because I haven't always seen eye to eye with her and I've always had this feeling that she doesn't listen to me and that she thinks I'm annoying or something. It's literally been to the point when I've cried while going there, and leaving there because I hate getting yelled at, which is something she does pretty often.
Anyways, I told my psychiatrist about the problem with my doctor and I think she told my doctor to slow down and actually talk to me instead of making me feel bad and then rush to get me to leave. So when I came in today my doctor was ready with a bunch of papers that we were gonna fill in and then send to the Swedish social insurance agency because, like I've said, I feel like I can't take anymore. I feell worthless, I feel like I've hit a brick wall or I've fallen down a huge pit that I can't and won't get out of. And up until today, the doctor who handles my medication for my bipolarity and aspergers has just been like "nah.. I don't believe you feel that bad, I don't think you're bad enough to report you sick". Like literally, the doctor I go to for these things haven't believed in me, so that's been creating this huge hole in our supposed trust in each other. So today we finally filled in all the papers to report me sick to SSIA, and this is a massive relief!!!
We also actually talked today, and I really think she saw me for who I am and how I'm feeling right now which feels amazing, so she prescribed a new medication for me and I have another meeting soon about anxiety, which I'm kinda looking forward to.

I took the bus home, played some Pokémon and cut my brother's hair when I got a phone call from my dad. "Hey, your sister's run away from home." My good mood just dropped. You know the thing I've been hinting at these past months but never said out loud? Well, we're going through a massive custody battle for my youngest half sister and it's between my dad and her mom, and there's cops involved, doctors involved, schools, dentists, child protective service workers (several), lawyers, a lot of people. And then there's family; we're eight siblings, a bunch of parents and then my sister's mother's side against us. It's too much! Too many people who refuses to take action or decide something because if someone decides something and it all goes to hell, then it's that person's fault. HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK?
I'm feelings relatively okay with writing about this since the majority of people around me doesn't speak or understand english and I don't think anybody that I know personally besides my mom is reading this. Hi mom.
I called my sister 8 (?) times and she didn't pick up, she usually doesn't when I call most, likely because of her mother, but my dad got a hold of her after some hours and she walked home to a friend when she decided to run away.

So like I said, it was a good day for me, but maybe not for some people around me. Now I'm going to watch some youtube and hopefully go to bed soon. I hope your day's been better than mine and that tomorrow will be an even better one, full of creative writing or painting or whatever you like to do!

Love you guys
Love you mom

Read post »

Guys, have you watched season 2 yet? Because you really need to do so.
I got done with it the day after it was released, which is a big problem that I have with Netflix releasing entire seasons at once. Don't get me wrong; I love that they do it, and I love having even more of a reason to stay inside, but, then when it's over I have to wait an entire year for next season and next reason to completely shut out the rest of the world.
Bingewatching is like a drug, and I'll admit that I'm extremely hooked on it, but I don't think it's healthy to do it. So I'm gonna try and cut back (just a little bit) from doing it, and maybe do other things instead of watching 10 episodes per day. Write, play Pokémon Go, actually meet and talk to people.
The only exception will be Stranger Things and Orange is the new Black.

But back to what this post is about! Stranger Things; if you haven't seen it, it's about four very geeky kids who spend their time talking on walkie talkies and play D&D (which sounds awesome by the way), and suddenly one of the four disappears. At the same time, a girl "named" Eleven appears out of what seems to be thin air, and they team up with her to find Will. Of course there's a lot more to the story but I'm gonna let you guys see that for yourself.
The actors and actresses in the show are amazing, especially the younger ones and I highly suggest you watch it!


Read post »

Hey guys!

It's been a couple of slow days now, I feel sick (which I constantly seem to do some how..), so I've just been sleeping lately. I've also changed my way of writing, kinda. Like you know I like to write, and I have this major project that I'm trying to write and so far it's been going great and I've gotten a lot of writing done. But now, I don't know what's going on in my story! I know the beginning, some middle parts and the ending is super clear, but I don't know how the story gets from beginning to end. So I'm trying to turn the story around, and start to writing from the end and all the way to the beginning.
I did write a couple of posts about index cards and how they can help you out, which I still very much believe in, but what happens between the cards?

So that's basically what I'm up to right now. It does bother me that I'm stuck, but hopefully one day I can look back at this struggle and think "wow, I had no idea what I was trying to do, but at least I tried. And then I won $1 000 000."

Now on to some the title of this post; Fraggle Rock! I grew up watching the show (on VHS because it ended before I was even born),  and I loved it. So I think it was last year that me and my brother got the complete seasons on DVD from mom as a Christmas present. If you have kids or you haven't watched it yourself, you can find the intro here. Nerdist made a post a couple of days ago that the characters are coming as Funko Pop figures (with including Doozers) and I'm super excited about that!

Hopefully it won't be too long until next post, I have a problem with writing whenever I'm sad, mad, unhappy or focused on other things, but I'm trying my best so please don't hate me. Also, I should really start posting on Instagram again, why did I stop?!

Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture borrow from Nerdist

Read post »

Nah, this was the first time.

Hey guys!
I've missed you so, so, so much these past days and there's been so much going on and I just haven't had the time to write. For those of you who don't know (which most likely is 95% of you), I have seven siblings. One biological, same parents, two half siblings who I share the same dad with, and four stepsiblings, also on my dad's side.
These past eleven days I've spent sick, I've traveled to my dad and I was a bridesmaid at my oldest sister's wedding. It was completely improvised, I didn't know it until the evening before and I was very, very nervous. Another one of my sisters were supposed to be the bridesmaid but due to circumstances she didn't show up so I took her role instead. It was fun, I guess. I don't really like people, or standing up, or standing up in front of people, but it was such a small thing to do to make my sister's wedding move along as planned.

Besides the wedding, I spent the majority of time there with my brother Eddie, who's older than me and actually knows how to drive, unlike me, so we had fun and explored the woods and went ghost hunting at night. I love scary stories, I do believe in ghosts and the paranormal and all that, but I don't like the idea of provoking said beings. But it was fun, we saw a dog, a hare and a bunch of deer. And an abandoned church which was scary as hell.
During the wedding party we left early because it was loud as fuck, there were games and drunk people everywhere and it was just a no from me.

We went back to my dad's place, we played monopoly, watched a couple of scary movies and went to sleep.

Now, there's some things that I'd love to address on this blog but I can't because it has my real name on it. Don't get me wrong, I love my name, but I'm the only one with this name so I'm not really private or anonymous with it which means that things I say can easily be traced back to me. As you guys might know, there's been a pretty big, sad situation concerning my youngest sibling and it's been hard on the whole family, but depending on how the trial that's coming up soon goes, I might be able to write about it, which I desperately need.

I've also just gotten done with Stranger Things season 2, which was fucking amazing. If you haven't seen it then I highly suggest you do. Now you know what I've been up to and why I've been away, so I'm back home and back at my writing and Netflixing. See you guys soon!


Read post »

We all try, right?

Thought I'd share a gem I found a while back, because why not. Making History is a TV series made up of nine episodes, and was released 2017. It's about Dan, who inherits a time machine from his father, and who frequently goes back in time to visit his girlfriend Deb. Dan finds out that the American revolution never happens, and gets help from history professor Chris to start the American revolution, and then it all goes south. Very short summary but that's basically all you need to know before watching it.
I personally loved it, but they weren't renewed for another season unfortunately. Still worth watching! You can find the trailer for the show here.

The episodes are about 20 minutes long, and the show is startting Adam Pally, Leighton Meester and Yassir Lester. You can easily find it online, but I'm not gonna post any links to it because I'm pretty sure that would be illegal.

Have fun! ❤️

Read post »
Etiketter: series, tv, show, fun, tip, review

I heard that's what they call it. This weekend has been filled, I'm so tired, I have a headache and I feel like crying.

So saturday I was supposed to babysit my youngest sister when my dad and my older sister went to Germany, so they drove her down to me and I picked her up at 6 a.m., which is usually when I go to bed. She weren't tired at all, but I was so after like three hours I finally got her to sleep for like an hour, which is about as much sleep as I got. We woke up, ate, then went to the closest mall to us, which is like a little more than an hour by bus, and that distance with an 11 year old with too much energy isn't a thing that I think people should seek out and do. If you can, avoid it.
We got to Toys'R'Us where she stood for like 25 minutes choosing between three toy horses, and we ended up leaving with two of them (yes, I bribed her so that we could leave, don't judge).
We walked through the mall looking for food, but apparently everybody goes shopping on saturdays so every place we went to was full. We decided to eat when we got back to town instead, we just had one more stop before leaving. Apparently, we now celebrate Halloween like 15 days before Halloween in Sweden because the whole mall had a Halloween theme and there were candy and competitions and people dressed out as ghosts and zombies and shit, and I don't care for that at all. I love horror, but I absolutely hate dressed up people for Halloween. I don't like it when they jump out and scare me, and don't like seeing their faces, I don't like a trail of fake blood on the floor. No, just no. Stop it.
Anyways, we stood in line for 35 minutes for my sister to get a spider on her cheek, with face paint obviously. 35 minutes is acceptable, but this was literally the worst face paint job I've ever seen. You could barely see that it was supposed to be a web and a spider, but, it was free so I'm fine with it.

We came back to Helsingborg, had some food and then went to visit my mom, who were helping a very close family friend move. There were so much to do, so when my dad finally picked up my sister I decided to stay behind and help with the move. We got that shit done, it took forever, but we did it. We decided to get to the basement the day after, so we went home, ate and then went to bed.

Sunday comes around, we get up and drives to our friend and the basement is packed. Like roof-filled. It took a long time, we drove a couple of rounds to move the stuff, and then we drove back to where our friend lives right now which is roughly an hour away, got done there and then an hour back, and we were home pretty late, again.

To summarize this; my weekend has been filled, I'm tired, my body is hurting, and I'm so happy to be done with it!
Also, picture of the friends dog who I got to cuddle with! Feel asleep in my hand, and I fell freaking in love with him.


Read post »

Hey guys!

So one struggle when it comes to writing that I struggle with, and I know a lot of other people do as well, is that damn blank paper in front of us. Not life, not "where is this novel going to go?", "what's the next chapter?" Simply, paper. And I'm writing this because I just realized it today. When it comes to writing, most people nowadays do it on a computer, some still do it on a typewriter and some still use pen and paper. I start out with pen and paper, then when I have somewhat of an idea I rewrite it on my computer, print that out and rearrange it, re-write it on paper then add it to my computer, because why make it easy?

And I realized that it got so much easier for me to write when the blank paper in front of me wasn't white. Obviously white paper is what we almost always buy, it's the original, it's the basic, it's the typical. But is it the best for your creative writing? I'm pretty sure it's not because a blank, white paper is so.. Empty, there's nothing at all to it, it's just staring back at you like it's challenging you to do something, whatever, with it but it just looks so freaking empty. And I can't handle that. SO, I started to write on lightly pink paper instead and that actually helped a lot more than I'd like to admit. It's not empty anymore, it contains somthing and it's not challenging me in a way that white paper do.

So my *I'm a special snowflake who can't handle white paper* tip today is that if you're writing with pen and paper and you're very much stuck, switch it up to another color of the paper and see if that helps. It's such a simple thing to do, and suddenly it doesn't look that empty anymore.

And this whole emptiness takes us from one point to another; I want to apologize for being so lazy when it comes to writing here, I've given up on most tips and things that I've wanted to share and I don't think that's fair to you guys so if you decide that this lazy blog isn't for you then I totally understand. But at the same time, I am a pretty decent person who have up's and down's and I'm just in a shitty point in my life right now and it affects me a lot.
If you don't suffer from any mental illness (first of all, I'm genuinely happy for you, life can be bad either way but you've got something going for you), especially depression, when you feel bad you shy away from people because you don't want to constantly remind people that "look at me, I always feel bad and you're gonna get nothing but a bad time hanging out with me."And I'm saying it like this because that's how it feels. When someone asks me how I am I say I'm fine. And then they ask how I really am, and I say I feel like shit. And if someone keeps asking me that whenever we talk or hang out, I feel like a burden because I can't contribute with anything good. I can't say "Hey, I'm great thanks for asking, do you wanna hang out and do something fun?" And I want to be that fun person, but at the moment I'm not. And it's very common to feel guilty, to feel like a burden and to feel like you don't deserve intimacy or friendship when you feel down or depressed because you feel like you're constantly weighing down other people. How can I deserve something good, if all I do is give something bad?
This post turned out way sadder than I thought it would, I'm so sorry, but I just want to give you guys a reason for me being a lazy piece of shit. I'm not lazy, I just don't want the only thing I write about is me feeling depressed or sad.

So moving on! Todays picture is actually from my notebook, where all my ideas are right now, and the color of the paper is pink and I feel really fucking good about that. And I am extraordinary.

I love you guys, I love this blog and I love you mom.

Read post »

Hej allihopa!

That's "hey everybody" in Swedish, I wanted to spice it up a bit, so I'm using the language of the pale meatballs that doesn't taste anything.

I've promised a review of the movie The Boy, which is a movie that came out in 2016.
Simply put; Greta (played by Lauren Cohan), escapes her life and abusive boyfriend in the US, by taking a job as a nanny in the UK. She shows up at this massive house with no idea what the job is gonna be like, and finds out that the boy she's gonna take care of is... A doll. There's strict rules for taking care of the doll, and her life with the doll changes when she decides to stop following the rules.
You can find the youtube-trailer and the possibility to "rent" the movie here, which is a great way to escape the comment section spoilers, and then the option to watch the movie through youtube here (you have to pay for it though), or if you have Netflix you can watch it there.
The movie is 1 h and 38 minutes and it's classified as mystery/thriller.

I recommend watching it at least once since it puts a bit of a spinn or twist on the ordinary thriller-movies.


Read post »
Etiketter: fun, movie, review, scary, thriller, mystery, tip

Nope, not heaven. That we know of.

Hey guys!

So today I though I'd share a reddit post that I love. And by love, I mean LOVE. You guys know that writing, reading, listening and watching horror is my life (and it's probably also why I'm messed up), so when my brother found this post some year ago, I was all aboard the YES-train, (because a nope-train is a thing, just play along people).

It's posted in the subreddit r/nosleep, which is a sub for writers/victims to tell their 'true' scary story. The subs description is "NoSleep is a place for authors to share their original horror stories. For a more detailed explanation of the subreddit, click here.
Suspension of disbelief is key here. Everything is true here, even if it's not. Don't be the jerk in the movie theater hee-hawing because monkeys don't fly."
This specific post got a lot of positive feedback, so I just want to share this one here so that if you haven't read it, here it is! Also; obviously this isn't my post, I don't take any credit for it, I'm just sharing it.

It's titled I'm a Search and Rescue Officer for the US Forest Service, I have some stories to tell, it has over 14k likes, and it's about a (like the title said) a Search and Rescue Officer sharing some of the stories he/she heard on the job, or that the person has experienced on their own. It's pretty intense and not for the faint-hearted.

You can find the first out of eight posts here, and then at the bottom of the post there's links to the continuing posts.
If you'd rather listen to the story, you can find it here on youtube by Corpse Husband.

Listen, read, and enjoy.

Read post »
Etiketter: scary

Hey guys!

We just got home after a long pokémon round around the beach and Helsingborg; me and my brother both play and this is a great way to hang out and annoy other people who doesn't like pokémon. Anyways, we had fun, got some new balls and talked to some other players. If you're not playing I highly suggest trying it!

So right now you might be wondering "what the frick is going on with this background?", and that's a completely valid question! I've changed it maybe four times now these past days because it's fall and I wanted to (pumpkin)spice it up a bit! Is the final product okay? I think so! Will I change it again before Christmas? Probably.
The background is from Pexels and you can find the picture here. Pexels is an amazing site that offers free pictures that you can use for personal or commercial use without restrictions, and if you love their service you can donate money to either the site, or the photographer!

I've been writing a lot lately which feels great, but I also feel incredibly fragile. Like my ego could not take any backlash or negative feedback right now, because I'm "in the zone" and I feel like just about anything could mess me up and make me change the story. Luckily, I'm outlined maybe the first 15 pages now, which is gonna need a lot of editing obviously, but it feels amazing. I've decided to let mom read it soon to get some (hopefully positive) feedback.

Other than this, I just finished watching The Boy (2016) and I thought about doing a quick review of it here, hopefully within a week. You can find the trailer here, so that I won't spoil the movie for you later!

I love you guys, you keep me sane.
And I love you mom.

Read post »

I know, I know, we've all seen or read them. "Omg I was gone for awhile but now I'm back and I'm gonna be the best blogger ever, but then I'm gonna go away for awhile again..." And today I kinda wanna address the fact that I'm like that. I try not to be, because this blog is my life, I love writing here and spreading my hate for humanity, but in reality, my private life doesn't always allow me to write. So when I write, I write, and when I don't, you can contact me and tell me to.

I sat down with my big writing-folder last night, took out all of the small paper pieces that is now my timeline, started to write numbers on them and placing them in each act they belong in, and then I had this realisation that I don't have enough scenes to continue this book. And as someone with an already incredibly fragile ego, this actually hurt. It was this feeling of I'm not good enough, and I (obviously) didn't like that this at all. A part of me is devastated that this writing a book on the first try isn't the easiest thing in the world (which is stupid because this is a major project and nobody sits down one afternoon and just writes a perfect book), but I'm also kinda relieved that I don't have to start writing just yet. I've been writing some of my bigger scenes, they feel great and I'm on my way, but I don't have to write an entire book right now. So it's back to the drawing board for awhile. But, we'll get through this too!

Right now though, I'm gonna take (another) nap. Sorry mom!
Love you guys ❤️

Picture from pexels.com

Read post »

The title is so freaking accurate right now..

Welcome back, guys!

So I've looked around the world wide web to find a hint about what part I should start writing first. I have my characters somewhat finished (you can download a very basic template here), I have my timeline almost completely set up with the index cards in order (you can find out more about index cards here) as well as the themes all set and the emotions that I want to portray as well. So what's left is... Writing. I know that I was supposed to be, or try to be, one of those cool bloggers that spend my entire day just posting awesome tips and hints about how you can write your perfect story but in all honesty, my private life is killing me right now. What's bothering me the most about that part of my life is that it contains a lot of secrets that aren't mine to share, and there's a lot going on that could end up like shit if I started to spread what's happening. Maybe some day when the dust has settled I can bring it up again because I want to be honest with you guys, I just can't right now.

Enough about me! So "supposedly", when you're somewhat happy with the timeline (which you can change later if you feel like some cards are in the wrong order), you should start writing the biggest scenes. I have a couple of bigger scenes, one being a car crash in the beginning that I've already written, which turned out pretty okay. Another one is kinda like a twist right after the climax, and it's basically just blood. I might change this later because so far, it's pretty gruesome. But expect blood. This is where I'm at right now, so you guys know. If you're interested in knowing how to best write some scenes, writethatscene is a great site that easily can help you out.

Polly is looking at me right now so I'm guessing we're going for a walk!
See you later alligator! ❤️

Picture from Pexels.com

Read post »

Hey guys!

I recently wrote that I visited my dad for a couple of days, and that I have to take a four-ish hour train to get there, and then another four back home. As we all know, people are complete nutcases, and sometimes those nutcases are allowed outside. I personally am planning on starting my own campaign that forces loud people to stay inside for the rest of their lives. You can now order to get your weekly groceries delivered, you obviously have access to internet otherwise you're downright scary, and some jobs allow you to work from home.
Now, this is a very big problem for me; I don't like loud people. People that take up space are usually the type of people I avoid. And every single time I get on a train something happens.

So the trainride up to Gothenburg where I have to switch trains were fairly normal; the buss from home into Helsingborg was late so I had to run for a bit but fine other than that. And then I went on the train that goes to Skovde from Gothenburg, and this is one of those trains where you don't book a specific seat, like the train before. I sit down near the exit because everywhere else is full and a guy sits down next to me, and then some stressed out dude runs and almost jumps onto the train, like slow down dude, you're on the train. He runs in, sits down, gets up and just as the train starts to roll, he starts to bang on the doors and scream that he made a mistake, it's the wrong train and he needs to get off. This is in perfect Swedish, mind you.
He sighs, sits down and then the train attendant comes to check his ticket AND SUDDENLY he doesn't speak swedish. I'm not going to sugarcoat this or anything, he didn't look like a "native" swede because we're pale as fuck and he wasn't.
It's now a problem because he doesn't have a ticket for this train and he insists on not speaking swedish, so the attendant found someone to translate everything so that he could tell him the get the fuck off the train, literally.
This doesn't work, the attendant had to call for "backup" (another attendant) and now they're almost dragging this guy and the translator to the exit where we're sitting. It's a small space and I'm like "oh shit, what if they punch me instead, this face is a freaking money maker and that can't happen", but I still didn't leave. The train stops because there's a problem up ahead with the track and everybody starts to talk to their friends and the argument is over. Then as soon as we start to roll, they're back at it. They argue, the grab each other and it ends with both the dude and the translator getting kicked of the train. No biggie, we're almost at my station. I start to relax, and another guy, middle-aged, shows up and starts to talk (a little bit racist), to the train attendant WHO AGREES. The middle-aged man then decides to show some measurements or some shit like that and doesn't realise that I'm "in the way" (I was here before you were even born pal, YOU move), and he (not so hard) slaps me in the face. Even when I'm not involved, I'm the one that gets slapped.

Which leads us to the ride back. I love to be on time, I think it's disrespectful to not be, because it doesn't only affect you but the people around you if you're late. So I was at the station like 25 minutes before the train was about to go. I get on the train but I had to stand up because the train was so freaking packed with people. I had two big bags with me and I didn't shower so I smelled horrible, and on top of that I was super stressed because I only had about 15 minutes between the trains this time and it takes a pretty long time to walk between the different trains. I stand up, everything's ok and we start to roll. We drive for maybe 10 minutes and then we suddenly stop. "What is it now?..."
"Hello passengers, this is the driver speaking. We're currently on the wrong track and we need to go back for a bit to correct this". That's fine, but we didn't "go back for a bit", we jumped all the way back to the previous station. It took maybe 20 minutes, and now I'm freaking out because I don't have that much time to spare right now.
Anyways, we start to roll after that and it's going smooth. The attendant checked my ticket and I asked her if we were gonna get to Gothenburg on time and she said "I can't promise that we'll get there on time, but we'll get there sooner or later", and honestly, what the frick kinda answer is that. I could have walked, and I would still have gotten there sooner or later.
She leaves, and a couple shows up (the train is a double decker), and the girl sits in the middle of the stairs and the guy is like bending over her. I mean, it looked very similar to a 20 minute blowjob but I really didn't wanna look in case there were a hidden camera somewhere. What made it all so weird though was that next to their bags they had a typical plastic bag that you get at any supermarket, and in that bag was an open bag of chips, AND IN THAT BAG was another open bag of chips. What?

We got to Gothenburg on time, I managed to run in to Burger King on my way to the train, I stood in line, stressed, and when I got to the front of the line the cash registrer broke. How does this even happen? I got in the back of another line, waited for my turn, got up and then a just-served customer comes back like "I WANTED THIS TO GO!!!" Enough about Burger King; I ran to my train, I got on the train to Helsingborg but it was really empty so I was so scared that I was on the wrong train. I couldn't even fake not knowing swedish so I would have zero clue on how to solve this problem if I was on the wrong train. Now, when I say it's empty; we were 7 passengers on the whole train. There were 7 carts and I was completely alone in mine. The train attendant came by and went "you can sit anywhere you want today, this trains was supposed to be canceled so everybody took other trains. If you feel lonely there's two passengers in the next cart." It was a much welcomed break from reality those two-ish hours back to Helsingborg, that's all I can say.

This always happens, I can't just get on a train and sit down in peace, something always happens. And I'm not gonna go on a rant or anything because this post is enough already, but if you're on the train or bus or anything really, you need to know that the people around you have paid to be in that space, and you just happen to be there at the same time. We as passengers have paid just as much as you to go somewhere and we kinda want our space and our time there to be "our". Don't be loud, don't ruin it for the rest of us, don't fight with people because we as other passengers want our time there to be as good and calm as possible. Just stop.

Now I'm going to dedicate this evening to Buzzfeed Blues series Buzzfeed Unsolved, it's probably  the only good thing to ever come out of Buzzfeed and I highly suggest you watch it. There's Unsolved True Crime and Unsolved Supernatural.


Read post »

"Back to life, back to reality..."

Hey guys!

SO I AM HOME after a VERY long week. I've been at my dad's place babysitting my sister. Without getting into it too much; my sister have a pretty big need for extra help in her day-to-day life and there's also been some (not-so-pleasant) developments in my life so this week was not good. But now I'm home for roughly a week and a half, trying to catch up on my life before going back for a couple of days.
Bad things about this week; some.
Good things about this week; I've gotten a hecking big load of work done and it feel so good! I think last time we talked was about the index cards and as I might have mentioned; you're supposed to have roughly 60 cards; 15 for the first art (the beginning), 30 for the middle act (where everything happens) and then another 15 for the last act (where all of the ends are tied together and Prince Charming kisses the frog). I'm done with almost all of the cards I've chosen and the story is basically done, so now all I actually have to do is.. To write the book. I've also put a deadline on this projects because if I don't I will simply never finish it. There's always gonna be stuff that I want to change, I will never be fully satisfied with the story and I will always doubt myself, so by putting a deadline on this project I will do all of the basics, if there's more time after that I might change it a bit, polish it, but then I'm done. SO, new years eve is when my project should be done and I'll be damned if it's not. Get it together, Frida!
This is something I HIGHLY recommend for you guys because it can actually save your project when it comes to getting it done and not giving you enough time to fuck it up. Some people say that it shouldn't take more than three months to write it when all the research is done but if it's your first book (like it is mine) I don't see that big of a problem if it takes just a little bit longer.

Now I'm going to play some Skyrim (oh how I've missed thee), watch some stand-up and then go to bed. I've missed you guys. Tomorrow I might do a little bigger post about my "travels" because they're always filled with crazy stuff, but we'll see!

Love you mom,
gnight guys! ❤️

Read post »


I'm a 24 year old woman born and living in Helsingborg, Sweden.
On this blog I focus a lot writing; writing my stories, helping you write your stories as well as some book-/movie reviews that I feel fit in here. Other than literature, I also write about my personal life, my opinions on news and pictures of my dog.
As someone struggling with Bipolar Disorder type 2, I also post about mental health.

I would describe myself as too honest, complains a lot, and write long posts.

If you wanna know more, send me a message or follow me on instagram.

Interested in collaboration? Send me a message here!