2017 > 08

Heeey ya'll!

Nah, I'm not cool enough to pull that off. It's currently 22.17 (or 10.17 PM depending on where you are), and I just ate some chocolate and that's basically everthing I've done today. I woke up around 16.30, which is super late but also not that unusual. We ate when mom came home and then our small family just drove around, catched some Pokémons, won a raid and snuggled up some doggos. Bought candy and here I am.

Today I'm gonna talk a little bit about something that helps a lot if you're not that super fixed on your story our how it will develope. This is a technique that a lot of writers use and myself included, altough I always lose the freaking cards.
Index cards.

Okay, assuming that you've already come up with your theme and to some extent plot and subplot, this is the stage that you've reached. Now it's all about timeline and it's where I am now.
So what you wanna do is take 60 index cards (depending on how long you want your story to be, but let's start with 60). These all represent different scenes in your story. Take them, and then write any scene you can come up with that you want in you story, you don't have to fill out all the cards right away.

Done? Okay! Now you're going to take the cards and spread them out on your table or floor. Look at them, read them. Maybe draw a line somewhere or just put them on the floor in the "shape" of a line. Here's where the fun begins. (Just kidding, everybody knows that the timeline configuration is one of the worst parts after editing because this is where your real work starts).
You are going to arrange the cards/scenes in the order you want them to appear in your book. Right now is where I understand that I'm completely lacking a massive amount of scenes to bind my story together, unfortunately, but I'm working on it.
If you're in my situation; now is the time to start to think about the scenes in between your scenes. You know what you want, you just don't know how to get there. Did you character Carlotta stand in the kitchen making a sandwhich and then suddenly teleport to her job? Nope. Did Ian sit in the library banging his fist on the table because he couldn't find anything about a lucky charm in the books, and then suddenly appear in the woods in front of a six-armed monster - with the lucky charm in his hand? Also no. There needs to be something in between, not only to fill out the story, but also to help the reader get to know your character, the plot and actually understand what, why and how things are happening. But keep in mind that you shouldn't just throw in a sceen for the hell of it; Josh didn't walk out to throw away the garbage, fall over a rock and then walk back inside. Josh walked out, muttering angrily to himself and completely missed the rock that was right in front of him. He fell and landed on the garbage bag, it exploded due to impact and garbage flew everywhere! And there it was; right infront of him was the tickets to the strip show that he was looking for. 
This way, something happens that can be seen as comic relief in a situation where Josh is angry about losing his tickets, and not only is it funny, but it actually drives the story forward because Josh finds the tickets.
Of course you can write some scenes just for fun or to pass the time, but it's important to keep your story going forward because no matter what you're writing about - your character started at one point, but it has to get to another, and that's where you (you creative genius), comes in.

Also, muy important, you need to have a theme before starting this. Your theme, your statement and your feelings are A and O in this story.

You can have as many themes as you want, those are currently just guide lines. Let's say if a book store decides to start selling your book; what section are the books placed in? Not only is this something that's good to know for the reader, but it also helps you know what kind of story you're sticking to.

Courage, sacrifice, friendship, love, supernatural, horror, man's relationship to God/nature/aliens/technology, trust, family, revenge, power, this list can be endless!

My themes right now are courage, man's relationship to God and religion, supernatural, trust and, of course, a lot of horror. These are my guidelines and what I'm trying to stick to, and if that changes along the way then so be it, but for now that's where my focus lies.

Now, knowing your theme, you should try and read as much as possible in that genre and books with those themes. See how others write about them and try to see if there's any common things that happen in those books or in the way that they're written, and also try to stick with that because things that a lot of books have in common in certain genres is ofter something that can be considered to be one of the things that makes that genre work. This does, however, not mean that you shouldn't completely try and slay your genre and create a new masterpiece. Use both old and new techniques and see what you're comfortable with!

On that note I think we should talk about your statement. Assuming you write a book, what would it say on the backside? Try to summarize it to a sentence or a shorter text to let you know where you want your story to lead, but also what it's really about.

"The book is about Amanda, who, in her fight to survive a breakup that almost destroyed her, finds a tourist guide filled with notes, and decides to go on the journey of her life!" 

In writing, at least for me, it's important to know where you're going in order to know how you're getting there.

This will also be posted under This week in Writing, so if you lose it you can easily find it there.

Gnight ya'll ❤️

Picture from Pexels.com

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Hola amigos!

And that's my complete spanish vocabulary. I haven't written in six days now, it does have a lot to do with the fact that I am bipolar (omg, there she goes again...), but it is a major problem and sometimes I just don't feel that good. I'm also under a lot of stress, which is partially my own fault because I constantly put myself under a lot of pressure to do the best I can and be the best version of myself. Try to achieve as much as possible as fast as possible, and sometimes that fails. I'm 24 and I'm still learning how to do life and sometimes I will mess up. (This just turned into a one-man-pep-talk).
There will be no writing lesson today or in the near couple of days I think, I will try to write more because I've been pretty bad at it these past couple of weeks now, which I apologize for, it's just been a lot. Like, a lot. And I'm honestly just trying to get through it.

I just sat down with my story and I realized what's been messing up my writing - I don't have an ending. Like, okay, the protagonist will meet someone who is not the best fit for her, and then she'll return to her roots to find someone who's a better fit for her, although she doesn't believe it at first. This will be the first book, or the first big chapter, so I've got that covered. Then, chapter two, the person she thought was the good guy takes a turn for the even worse and together she and her hubby will take him down. But then, there's a bigger threat (or supposedly, so far), which I have some ideas about, and then... My ideas stop. I have everything mapped out and then there's just this massive blank space that I can't seem to fill, but I also don't want to start writing since I don't know when or how it's all gonna end. What if I need to write some clues, mention something or add something for it all to make sense and I just missed that opportunity? No, I should start writing and when I know the end, I'll write that too. It's time to get serious and actually start to write.

I love you guys and I love this blog, so please have patience with me because this is just a rough patch and we'll get through it. This blog has helped me deal with my emotions and feelings and given me a place to vent so I can't remove it, it's out of the question.

Gnight amigos ❤️

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

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HEY GUYS!

So I just got done with a course that I'm studying, so now I have some more time to spend on here. I am so happy with the result, I got a C, which may not sound great but I'm very happy with it. My favorite part from this course was the studies of Wittgenstein, mostly because it wasn't all that much about philosophy as it was the meaning behind words and how we communicate, especially in different environments or situations. Which is basically what I want to work with and - obviously - what I'm trying to do here. Should I write "The brown ball was round" or "the object used in this specific sport was a relatively big, completely round ball made out of brown-ish leather". The first one would probably be correct, but we all know that I'd write as much as possible if given the chance.

I'm just about to head out with the dog to hunt for Pokémons, (because that's who I am now, embrace the nerdy-ness), and then I'm going to look into this "new" "thing" "write lists for money", that's apparently happening right now. I'm not saying that I'm gonna be great at it, but I'd love to try and (almost) all money is good money. I'll keep you updated.

Gnight guys ❤️

Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

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Etiketter: study, polly, dog, family
Hey guys!

Thanks for sticking with my incredibly unorganized uploading of posts. These past days I've honestly been out hunting for Pokémon with my brother, which is something I recently started to do because he wanted someone to play with and I am in horrible shape (but round is a shape so I technically win). Either way, it's been going great, I'm level 17 and I am killing it. I'm also killing my phone because the game basically tears my battery apart, so I can no longer blog via my phone.
Yesterday, me, mom, Polly and my brother went to a place called Ramlösa Brunnspark (Ramlosa Park), which is a park where they used to collect healthier water because he water was filled with iron, which supposedly is good for you, and it's also completely natural. I'll post a pic down below to show the water. People came her for far away to drink it and cure whatever illness they suffered from, and then they opened up a big factory where they now produce and sell water throughout the entire country, which makes the park kinda worthless in that way. It's still an awesome park though; there's schools, a gym, a small outdoor concert hall in the summer and the atmosphere is crazy nice. All of the buildings are old and it's like stepping into a time machine, so I highly suggests going there if you're out and about.

I took the head picture at a school in the park and I though this idea was genius. It was painted on a piece of wood and says "needs friend", and I think this is a great idea because when a child doesn't have anyone to play with, they go over there to show that they want someone to play with or and that they feel lonely and then other kids can notice it and invite the lonely kid. That was a long sentence. Anyways, it's a great thing to do, if you own a school I highly suggests getting one of these because after some research, it's clear that these do raise kids well being (and you win some parent-points).

This was a short update because I've been crazy lazy and I've basically just sat on my ass for days now. Therefore I am going to end the post here, but first say that the key to become a great writer is to write much and read more. This way you'll develope your own style, your own pace and you'll also how and when you're on the top of your game. Write much, read more.

❤️
A natural source for water with a high iron level. The stone has been colored red because of the iron. Picture borrowed from Wikipedia
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A week title too.

Hey guys! So I haven't written since... saturday? And as always, things has been up the frikking wall.
Last time I wrote I mentioned a near relative going through a major court matter, which was somewhat finalized today, so we're all doing cartwheels right now, but jokes aside, I'm going to talk about a little more todaywhich I promised both myself and you guys that I wouldn't do. I am doing this because I have to get it out because I feel incredibly broken inside, and I also don't think that any people that knows or can figure out who I'm talking about, is reading this blog.

My dad got a divorce a couple of years ago now (not from my mom, who is awesome by the way, I love you mom), from someone who didn't fully know how to take care of her kids or herself. She going through a mid-life crisis and it took a toll on the family, especially their youngest child.
Over the years my dad has since got remarried and moved hours away from his youngest child, and because the mother being how she is, my sister wasn't able to develope or perform like kids her age are supposed to do. Lawyers got involved and it's been so much arguing about this child, and nobody seemed to do something about the neglect she was experiencing.
Now, she has moved in with my dad and his wife full time and that is a massive win, even though it's gonna take a lot of work to make this whole thing work. Because of this she has serious issues with understanding consequences, accepting a "no", and realising when to give up an argument. Which throws us to this weekend.

It started thursday when I "babysat" her with my mom, which was a little exhausting, and then dad picked her up, and then I took care of her alone on friday which a little bit broke my spirit. Not because there's something wrong with her, and I'm not in any way blaming her like that, but taking care of someone who is energetic, has a hard time setting her mind on things and accepting defeat, it breaks you to some extent.
I was so freaking tired, and then on saturday me and mom drove to my grandpa's barbeque to meet up with relatives and it was so much fun to meet everybody, since we usually only meet around christmas. The "downside" was that my cousins have kids and they are all very well behaved, but kids in general are noisy so I left with a headache. It was still a great, great day though.
Got home, got some sleep (not enough), and then woke up early to meet up with dad, siss, and his wife because they were on a mini-vacation here.
We went to a place called Tropikariet in Helsingborg, and it's a small size zoo, but they focus on providing a very personal experience where you can feel close with the animals, so there'a lot of "free" animals running around. They also only have "tropical" animals, like snakes, spiders, birds, smaller monkeys and lemurs as well as sharks and various kinds of fish. There's also bats which flies among you when you enter a certain part of the building. It's built like a trail so you can't really back out if you're scared of anything you find there, but walk with someone taller than you and the animals focus on them instead because they will sit on your shoulders and they will land on your head. Or fly into it.
They work with a lot of endangered species and try to restore the population as good as possible, but only gain money through entrance prices so I highly suggest a visit if you're in Helsingborg. It's not too expensive and you'll leave with pictures and memories to last you a very long time.

So we went there and then my sister got a toy and it was all fun and games. We took the boat over to Helsingør, which is a town in Denmark, and it's about 20 minutes by boat between the two cities. We went, we walked, we ate and we conquered, all fine. Then sis found another toy that she wanted instead of the one she already got, and it because hell. She ran away, her phone didn't work so we couldn't call her to find her, we were all kinda grumpy, and she had a complete meltdown over this freaking toy. We spent more than an hour trying to get on the freaking boat back, and it only takes 10 minutes to walk there from where we were. There were constant crying and screaming, arguing, at several points actual fighting and we were all so broken up about it that it completely destroyed the day that we made sure was so fun for my sister, to celebrate that she was finally coming home. All of it because of a toy.
We (the grown-ups) decided to try and make the best of it, even if my sister was gonna scream and pout the rest of the day, so we went to the beach when we got back to Sweden. It was okay weather, not bathing weather but picking-stones-on-the-beach-weather. After awhile my sister cooled down and we had a pretty good time. I then wandered off from the group and found this amazing swing in the middle of nowhere so I just laid down, watched the waves and listened to music for awhile. (Pic of swing down below).

Now it's monday-soon-tuesday and I've slept through the entire day because I was so tired, so I'm well rested and ready for action again. This is why I haven't written for a couple of days, and why I also haven't posted any good writing material this weekend which I've been gathering up stuff to do. It's still coming though so watch out for that!

❤️
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No really guys, not to-fucking-day. (Also, sorry for stealing the picture, this is not GoT related).

First of all, hey guys, welcome back to my humble abode, which consists of my messy thoughts and my dreams that I sometimes feel may never come true. You know, those days when everything's gone to hell (but somewhat back), and you start to question yourself alot.
Maybe I should explain why I feel like shit today?

"So in this weeks rant".. I've talked about it before because it's important to know if you know me and are reading my blog: I am (at the moment) bipolar. I've had the diagnosis for 3 years now I think and I take my medication and everything is just fine. I'm bipolar type 2 and from what I've learned about this bipolarity everthing checks out and I'm fine with being bipolar (if you can be fine with a diagnose like this one), because I'm used to it, I've accepted it and I'm living my life each day keeping in mind how and who I am and what can "trigger" my depressive periods and hypomaniac episodes etc. I'm gonna dig further into the diagnose at a later time because I'm extremely tired right now but I need to get this out.

I got the diagnose like I said in 2014. I had gone to this clinik before because I needed someone to talk to because my life weren't so pleasant at times. So I called them up, having not been there for a year or so and I tell them about my feelings and they tell me to come in right away. When I get there I get to fill out several papers and two doctors are asking me all kinds of questions and at the end of the meeting they just went "hey you know you're bipolar right?", and I'm like "no, I came in because I felt stressed but thank you for not throwing this in my face". It was a shock, I did not expect it going in and I was freaking out when I left the building. I called my mom and I called my then-boyfriend and neither picked up so I called my mom and went "hey mom I'm bipolar hope your day's good" or something like that on her answering machine and that is not the right way to tell people that, either.

SO NOW TODAY, I went to my usual doctor about this stuff and she's the one who handles my medication and she had the audacity to tell me that she doesn't think I'm bipolar. And why I'm making such a big deal out of this because not only did she say "I don't think that you suffer from bipolarity", she went "I'm sure that you're not bipolar, you're probably just stressed because your family is messed up and they're doing this to you. And by the way, your parents said you were totally normal during the interview (which you have to do to get the diagnosis), so the only one thinking that you're sick.. Is you. I don't believe you and you always come in here so happy and talkative so I'm sure you're not sick". But she "promised" to not remove this stamp that I've now gotten used to and embraced, so that's something. She also on several occations called me a liar, that I can't keep track of anything (which is because of her), and that I should just... Go on with my life.

It was just a big slap in the face after everything I've been through so yeah, now you know that.
The rest of the day though?!
I had to "babysit" my younger sister; she's 11, very active and full of energy and me just being hit with this doctors visit was completely drained, then my phone died, my credit card was messing with me and I completely lost it. I'm not gonna go into details because I don't wanna hang out other people on my blog that can be easily identified, but there's been a big court deal with a relative of mine and it's blown the fuck out of proportions so we're all more or less suffering from it, and one of the ones suffering is my sister and it's hard to just stand by when you see someone being treated maybe-not-as-great-as-they-should-by-other-parties-in-this-court-deal. It's gotten a lot better and nobody is hurt, so no need to worry, but it always hurts standing when you don't know what to do.
I will not go into further details about this on here unless something drastically changes for the better, even though it could need some recognition, and now you know that. Veeeery vague.

But let's end on a happy note! One of my best friends is currently giving birth to her 15 days over-due baby and I'm so happy for them and I'm soooo looking forward to the baby snuggles.

❤️

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I'm not sorry for the title.

Welcome back guys!

So today I'm just gonna share a company that I think is great, and I just want you guys to know about it. I am not getting payed for posting this, I just really love them.
So maybe a week ago now I ordered a sample pack from a company called Moo.com because I've been thinking about ordering some business cards among other things, and today it arrived and the sample package was over the freaking top. It was so well made that I am 100% sure that this is now my go-to store for these type of things.
The sample book contains post cards, invitation cards, business cards, stickers and more and the quality is just so good, I was surprised actually.
They let you, or help you if needed, completely customize your products and they aren't as pricy as you'd think. They also ship worldwide which makes me super happy.

I took pretty bad pictures of the sample book, which you can order here if you're still not sure or want to see the material, but here's the package!

So make sure to check out Moo.com because you won't be disappointed! ❤️

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Etiketter: tip, useful
Seriously you guys, I wrote in the last post that my day was slow and I'm never writing that again, I am so sorry. Since that post I've killed like seven flies, a spider, a bigger flying thing, I've met a beetle that jumped around on me and I've cried because I hate 100% of what I just mentioned.
I'm not okay with this, send help pls.
❤️
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Etiketter: bugs, scary

Good evening guys!
So today I thought I'd do one of those "11 things about me"-lists because who doesn't get bored of those..... It's been a slow day, okay?
(Also, nr 9 will tell you about my current project if you're interested).

1. The book(s) that got me into reading and writing
So the book series that I think really started my love for reading and writing is Virginia C. Andrews Landry series. Andrews most famous books are different series about families; in my case the Landry family. We usually get to follow a young girl that has lost one of her parents and has a pretty bad childhood and then is faced with a big amount of responsibility and having to take care of herself. Usually she's separated from her family in some way and we then follow that girl through three books while she grows up to be a responsible adult. After the first three we get one fourth book about a child of said girl and we follow the child, and in the fifth book we follow either the girls mother or grandmother. I like the concept, it's pretty predictable and you don't have to think too much.
In the Landry books we follow a girl named Ruby, who lives with her grandmother in Houma, Louisiana, andthen when her grandmother passes she has to find her father in New Orleans where she also finds out the truth about why her mother died. It turns out that her mother Gabrielle died giving birth to her and her twin sister (that she didn't know she had) and then the twin sister was bought by their dad.
This was probably one of the first "real" books that I read so I was maybe a little too young for them at the time but I've always been older than my age so it weren't really a problem. Either way, Andrews way of describing the surroundings and creating these big family dramas that are to a point relatable but also suuuuper dark is what got me into reading and writing.

2. My favorite author(s)
My favorite authors! I'd love to say "all of them", but that wouldn't make them favorites. Honestly I don't really have favorites in that way; I think that authors can be amazing in their own ways which makes it kinda hard to choose. But from the "classics" it's (in no particular order); Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Virginia C. Andrews, J. K Rowling and Elizabeth Kostova.

3. My favorite book(s)
My absolute, all time favorite books are The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova, and Odd Thomas, by Dean Koontz. (Spoilers in links so if you wanna read them after this, stay out of the links).
The Historian is Kostovas debut novel which I think says really much about who she is as a writer because it is amazing. I very, very highly recommend reading it at least once because it's such a "real" book. There's a closeness that you feel reading it and there's these real emotions that shines through the book which makes you feel like you're there and really taking the journey with the characters.
The book is about the character called The Narrator, because nowhere in the book is the characters name mentioned, which I think is a fun (but hard) way to write a book, and Kostovas talents for writing shines through a lot while writing about this character without a name because she never makes it messy - you always know who's who in the book. Basically what we know going into this journey is that the narrator is an 16-year old girl who is searching for her dad Professor Paul who she lives with in Amsterdam. He then disappears and she has to find him with the help of his research and colleagues, and it all turns into a wild chase across the globe, and while looking for him, she also unravels the mysteries surrounding possible vampires. I think I'm gonna go read it right now actually...
Odd Thomas is completely different, which first of all his name should tell you. There's not really much to say about Odd because it's a lot simpler than The Historian, but that's not in any way bad. It's just different. The books, there's seven of them, are about a man named Odd. He's able to see ghosts, and he sees it as his mission to help them move on. Anything more than that would be to spoil the story and I really don't want that. It is also very "light", like even though there's serious events in the books, there's always a sense of humor and the characters can be very snide or sarcastic, and I love that. Also, if you're not super into reading the book, Odd Thomas was also released as a movie in 2014, with Anton Yelchin as Odd and it's also really, really good.

4. The one book I couldn't finish
We all have one, at least. The one book that seems so promising and then you pick it up and you just.. You can't get through it. For me, this was Horns, by Joe Hill. And I would just like to say that this book is in no way bad, which is why I've tried to read it so many times. I like the concept and the story, but the language and writing style is not for me since there's a lot of not-so-nice words in it, at least that's what I rememer when I put it down. I cuss a lot but I like it when an author can do without it. Some people like it and some don't, that's just the way it is. In no way bad though, just so we're clear. I did see the movie adaptation instead because I wanted to know how it all ended for Ignatius, so if you're into movies instead then there's something for you too!

5. The book I want to read, but won't
Now, I assume that I'm not the only one who has these kind of books that you know are good but you're just not gonna read them. For me, those are the series A Song of Ice and Fire, which is the books behind the show Game of Thrones. I know that the books are amazing, and they are also crazy popular, so there's really no reason for me not to read them. But I won't because I know myself. I know that I won't be able to keep focus and kepp track of all of the different characteres with similar names and all of the politics and history. Even though the show is much easier to watch than to read, I still thank my lucky star that my brother sits next to me when I watch the latest episodes because if I don't see them all at one time, I have no idea what's happening. My brother knows though, being a super fan of the show, so I always rely on him to tell me what's what and who's who.

6. The genre(s) I love to read and write
I don't know if you can tell already but I have a love for everything dark. Gothic, horror, thriller, you. name. it. So naturally, this is also what I write.
I also have a love for autobiographies, the ones where someone goes through something horrible and then they live to tell about it, and I admit that's messed up. I'm guessing it goes with the thriller part, because there's this completely unimaginable darkness in the beginning, but then it all goes back into psychology which is something I find really interesting. The biggest part why I read this though is not that I love knowing people suffer, but for every one of those books you can find, someone survived to tell their tale. And you can go through shit, but you're not the only one and people have survived worse, so you're gonna pull through just fine too.

7. My current book collection
My current (lovely, by the way) collection consists of probably over 2000 books. I used to have more, but I've moved around a couple of times and some gets lost the way and some you have to give up to give room for more. I don't have all of them where I live right now though, but the majority are still packed in boxes in the storage unit or in the garage. And also, the reason I can afford all of these books is because I mostly buy books second hand. It saves on the environment and it can be a real pain to find some older books in stores today, so that's what I do.

8. My writing goals
My writing goals are pretty basic I think, I have this one story that I'm head over heels with and that I've been working on for years and to me it's good, I don't know what other people think because I refuse to let other people read it, but, I like it. And my "goal" is to get it published, like everybody else. It is currently in three parts and whether they're published together or as three separate books doesn't really matter, I just wanna have my story, have someone confirming that it's okay and then I'm done basically. Will I write more after this one? I don't know yet.

9. What inspires me to write
I don't think a lot of thing "inspire" me to write, it's more like me having these thoughts of good things to add to my story and then going over them 5000 times in my head until I'm like "okay, it's a good enough idea now" or "yeah, that would make more sense", and then I just write that down.

What have inspired me big time in the past is things I've gone through, for example (and this is a major spoiler for me because it's kinda the main idea behind my story), when me and my ex separated I was faced with the problem of where I would live. My ex kept the apartment (which was his and I moved in to), and at the time, moving back in with mom wasn't really an option, so I contacted the Swedish Social Insurance Agency in my then-town (I lived in a different town than now) and they gave me they set me up with a room at some form of B&B but it was a couple of hours away from my then-town. I didn't visit it beforehand, but they told me that they had just checked the place out by themselves and it was a great, nice place so I accepted. And so I packed my stuff, put them in storage and then had my essentials in bags with me, and my unofficial sister Rebecca drove me there since I don't have a car. We got there like late afternoon and let's start at the beginning to paint the picture. The road there was lonely as hell. It was just empty, no houses, only fields and woods. And then we game to this huge church, which was next to the way into "town". We drove past it in awe, and then we saw the rest of the town, which was one street. And that it. And then we saw this very little sign for the B&B so we turned off the road and onto the road leading to the house. And from the front the house was really big and made of grey bricks and had a big garden, but then we drove into the back where we were gonna park the car, or so we thought, and it was just mayhem. To the right was a buildin that might have been some form of storage or, barn or just whatever before, but now it was just in ruins. There were a fence and behind it were I think six big dogs, like rottweilers and german shepherds and they were crazy and just barked and growled and kept showing their teeth and basically said stay the fuck away from us. There were also some skinned animals hanging on a line and the whole scene was disgusting. Imagine this, and then add a layer of filth and then a grey filter from instagram.
To the left was this house that was beautiful from the road but it was the most boring building from behind. There were two doors and a window and that was it, not even bricks it was just grey and plain. We called the owners who barely spoke Swedish and they came out to greet us, which they barely did. They led us in to the hallway (the front door did not close fully, and you couldn't lock it), and we passed a couple of doors with name on them, then turned and came in to the living area, which also happened to be the dining area. And the kitchen. A couple of the homeless people from then-town apparently lived there and they looked at us both in a way that made us feel gross. We were led to the kitchen part of the room and the owner told us about the food and system and how everybody contributes which was fine, and then she showed us a bathrom which was just a big, big room with a small toilet in the middle, a sink and then for a shower there were this water hose taken from the outside and attached to a pipe and that was it. No curtain, no window, barely light, and I'm telling you this because this was what the whole place was like.
We were lead to the basement, which had a crazy steep ladder down, and she said that we could do our laundry there if we wanted to. It was disgusting, the whole place was filled with dust and some kind of oil or something and bad lighting. And then she made me go down another ladder, Rebecca was smart enough to stay up, to this second basement where there were just these big containers with black goo, looked like black oil or grease and there were probably at least 12 big containers in that room. She led me behind them to this small box and said that if the light ever went out I could just go down here and turn on the electricity again. That's right, stairs from the second floor then two steep ladders, behind grease containers, with live rats and dust, in the dark to turn on the electricity again. I. Don't. Think. So.
We were led up again and then past the livingdiningkitchenareawhere there were these three kids just running around. Nobody seemed to care that they were there and the owner just said that the whole family has been on a vacation there, they weren't from Sweden and didn't know any Swedish, and the parents said that they had some business to attend to one morning and asked if they could leave their three kids at this B&B for just an hour or so, which was fine, but the parents didn't come back. And the owners called the cops and CPS but apparently they were like "yeah but they're fine with you though, if we pay for them?", so they just kept these three kids and they'd been living there for like a year and a half and nobody found their parents.
So anyways, led to the stairs to the upper floor, and from there through a narrow hallway down another narrow hallway and into a room with no locks and that was my bedroom. It was a childrens bed, and the room was mustard yellow-ish, the window barely closed and there were still kids toys across the floor, as well as paintings on the desk and walls. Everything was just so surreal and after the owner gave me the key and the very tight schedule for the day after (which included me getting up early to make breakfast for the people there and then cleaning up, because it just happened to be my day to do the chores the day after my arrival), and then left, I broke the fuck down. I started to cry and my bestie tried to comfort me and she was really caring and said that we had to get out of there. I talked to the owner and asked if there were somewhere we could get a pizza or something and if I could possibly stay with my friend that night and come back tomorrow and she was like "fine, stay where ever you want, we get paid either way and you have the key if you want to return", which was a weird way to keep a business but okay.. So we bought pizza, ate, cried, drove around a bit and Rebecca just went "you're not staying there. I am not letting you stay there", and that was probably my rescue because the place was just.. There were just so much wrong and the fact that there wasn't even a lock on the door creeped me out. And this could have been a great match, I will never know, but I felt horrible at that place the short time I was there.

I decided to move back in with my mom, I returned a week later by bus to return the key and then I talked to the owners again and that's when it kinda got worse and it dawned on me that this could really become a story; the way through the small town there were a school, a gas station, a small store and a bakery, and all of it was shut down. And, all of the businesses in the town was owned by the same people; the owners of the B&B. They literally owned all of it and rented it out to the people living there and so I just had to write about it and here I am, two years later still writing about it. Obviously there's more to the story I'm writing but now you know the origin. I've thought about doing some kind of story time for this but this was more natural and now it's out of the way.

10. How I would describe my writing style
I would say that I'm all over the place, mostly. First of all am I writing in english and this not being my native language I tend to use "safer" words instead of using "big" words because I'm afraid to mess up. Like I know what words means, how to spell them and use them etc., but I just really, really wanna be sure that I don't screw up so that's why I write with simpler words.
I'd also love to say that I write somewhat funny, or at least with a lot of comedy in my writing. My characters are maybe a little bit like me with their kinda mean sense of humor and jokes around a lot, which I do so I think that basically my characters are assholes and I think that's completely fine.
I also love to describe stuff (as seen above obviously), so my texts no matter what I write can be very long because of that.

11. What my writing process is like
My wring process is a mess, there's basically not even a process, it's just me collecting thoughts, writing them all over and connecting the dots and so far it's fun but I keep making the story bigger and bigger which is annoying for me since I keep getting strayed away from the freaking message or main plot of my story.
For my writing my main tool is a whiteboard. The one I use is relatively small, I can (barely) have it in my lap and there I write all of my stuff; the plot lines, timeslines, characters and mind maps over the characters, everything I've looked up and just random thoughts and then I take a picture of it, whipe it off and continue the process. It's also much easier in my opinion because I don't have to go back and change if something goes wrong, I just draw a line or remove something with my finger and I'm done editing.
After the whiteboarding I look at the pictures, I use the character template I've created (which you can find here btw), or any other document and add my notes and try to make sense out of it all.

So that's a lot about me, I hope it's worth the read and that you've gotten a sense of who I am as a writer and reader. If you have any more questions just send them to my ask.fm, inbox me here or comment below!

❤️

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First of all; hi guys!

Second;
"And I don't understand why sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away but it's a great escape"


Life. Life is.. I'm really tired you guys. It's just been an overwhelming week and I've barely gotten anything done and I'm constantly tired. Last time we talked I had just taken my Diatebes test, which came back negative and that was awesome, but my doctor told me to drink less (in general, not only alcohol), and it feels like that's really gotten to me. I'm so, so tired. The good thing though is that I live in Sweden and it rains all. the. time. so I'm always hydrated!
So these past days (years) have been filled with rain, which I usually like but it's been very heavy rain and it's to the point where you'll get sick if you go out and it's hard to see far ahead because you can't really open your eyes, that kind of rain. So of course I'm feeling a little sick, I always do.
What makes the rain even worse is that thursday, friday and saturday was the "festival" in Helsingborg, where I live. Actually, no, it used to be called Helsingborg Festival, now it's called Hx. Which leads me to this weeks rant (after all, it is sunday).

Helsingborg used to have the greatest festivities, it was a weekend where they almost completely shut down traffic in the inner city and the streets were full with people and laughter and where ever you turned where scenes and artists and music, and there were massive food courts and there were tivoli parks with rides to last for days, you could win an endless supply of stuffed animals with those claw machines (which I am killing by the way, they are the main reason people hang out with me), and in between this were stalls where people sold almost everything. You wanted a belt buckle with a real scorpion? Got it! You're interested in underwear with neon light? Nailed it! You want a t-shirt that says "I'm not racist, I hate everybody"? We got you covered.
But all of this isn't what made me, and almost every other Helsingborg citizen you talk to, love the festivities, it's that almost everybody who were complete shut ins were out and we talked to everybody we met and all of our friends that we never meet anywhere else, shows up there. It was great. It really was. It was for the people and everybody loved it.
Now though, and I feel like I have to get this off my chest, now it's different. Now it.. It doesn't suck, but it has a certail suckiness over it. A couple of years back they changed it to Hx, they changed the dates so that it's much later in the summer and the rain starts and when they first came out with this massive change they said that they wanted this city and this event to become more family oriented, more about sport and more about "life". Just more of all that we get every. single. day. in Helsingborg, because our city cares about the citizens and we are a very active city in general. The food court is now a couple of carts kiiinda close to each other and they all sell the same three stuff, there were three rides instead of the usual 10?, barely any claw machines and I mean, that's the soul and heart, don't remove those. The stalls were non-existing, so in case I wanted a lighter with built in corkscrew and a picture of Donald Duck riding a big carrot, I couldn't buy that now. But mostly, it went from being this huge carneval like event where most people were just a little bit tipsy, and you hung out and hugged friends you didn't even know you had, to this (literally) tree hugging, soccer related, jungle gym for kids, history lesson theme and it's just depressing. On another day that would have been awesome, I say "bring on more family related stuff!", but don't remove the main event of the year that brings in not only a shitload of money to the city but also tourists like nothing else, because this was a big thing and people booked their vacations around it.

So now if you've read this and you're not from around here or not interested, you might think "why is she telling us this?" and I am telling you this because I need to get this off my chest. There's been polls and surveys done by the city and they got the result of how well us "Helsingborgare" (as we call us) think about this new event, and the result were so negative that the city just went "Well, nobody can be that negative about something this, so we're assuming that the people who voted didn't go because if they did, they'd know that it was awesome". You can't ask the people what they thought of something, and then discredit them just because you don't like the results.
And also, it was raining this whole event, so that made it a little worse.

There's nothing much more to update you with today though, it's been pretty boring around here. I did get the question though why I never post anything about my writing or previous "work" and that's because my work and writing is very private to me. I've been working with my current project for maybe1? 2? years now and it wasn't until recently that I actually told my mom what it was about, and I think a lot of it is because I am very sensitive and I am a perfectionist so any form of negative criticism and I just stop writing. It sucks and I wish that I didn't take every comment so hard but it is what it is. Some are open and some aren't.
Also why I haven't posted any of my previous writing; I wrote a lot when I was younger, so several years ago, and it was in Swedish and my style has very much evolved from how I wrote when I were younger. It's also really hard to find old stories when you've entered a lot of different competitions, especially under different names which I did because I am the only one with my last name and I didn't want people who knew who I were to know my art. Again, very sensitive. I've been published in small magazines and online and I have been interviewed for it too, so now you know that. Also, this is not be bragging, I hate to brag, and this also doesn't mean that I think that I'm in any way, shape or form better than anybody else, and I am running this blog for fun and to share stuff that I've found helpful and stuff that I find right now when I'm continuing my search for "tools for writing", which is a journey I am still very much on and hope to continue with, and it would be awesome if you wanted to continue it with me.

That being said, if you want to know more, visit my ask.fm page (you find it on the start screen or under "more" under "about me" or just send me a message on this page or in the comment section down below.

❤️

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Hey guys!

Just a small update tonight before I go to bed, since I have been posting a lot more than I did before so I need to take a little breather from pooping out posts.

Right now I'm watching the movie The Stepfather, which is about a guy that takes on different personas and tricks his ways into a family and then destroys it. I know I don't describe it well but it's pretty good, so if you have the time - watch it. And yes, I did choose it because Penn Badgley is in it, and then I chose to stick around because it's a pretty good movie.
Now, I have been studying a lot lately (I'm studying to become a teacher), so my writing has been suffering a lot because of it. Thought I'd share a great tip for all of you who needs some form of visualization, or looking at the object you're writing about, when you write. I do to some extent need to see what I'm writing about in order to keep track of my project, but I unfortunately can't draw or paint at all. At. All. So one thing that is very easy to use is (obviously) The Sims (4). If you have it, that's great, and if you don't, it's pretty cheap now but there's other ways to go about this.
But first things first; The Sims 4 lets you create your character just the way you want it. You can go into details about face and body, as well as try out different outfits for different hair colors etc. I have used this a couple of times just to see what it would look like for fun, it's not something I prefer but it works great and I've heard from other people that they use it too and that they're satisfied.
Another way if you want to be able to look at your character while writing about it is with the help of Dolls. There's an endless supply of pages for this but Azalea's Dress Up Dolls and Doll Divine are two really fun sites to "work" with. (Pic below from Azalea's 40's fashion).

This will all go on the page "This Week In Writing", which is a hopefully not-so-far-from-today-future-project that I'm working on. And by working on I mean that I log on, make sure that the page is still there and empty because I'm incredibly lazy, and then log off again.

Last tip of the day? Actors... Yes! When I first started to write the story that I'm working on, had the story but I didn't have the characters. Or, I had the house that it happens in, but I didn't have the rest. Slowly, the story came to me, but the characters still aren't fully there. To make the whole process easier for me since I didn't know my characters at that point, I "assigned" actors that I think looks similar to the characters I want in my story and then go from there. It made the whole thing easier because that way I know what most facial expressions looks like, as well as movements and how someone uses their voice for different emotions etc.. My antagonist is "played" by Timothy Olyphant because in my mind, he's an awesome villain. No offense. But he is awesome.
So if you want your character to be relatively natural and you watch a lot of movies, have an actor in mind for a specific character and then try and see if you can describe how said actor.. acts. That's my tip of the day. Just don't let this consume you and make you leave all of your previous work and thoughts because of how a real person looks because you character can be ever so alive for you even if you haven't seen it. Weird sentence to end on but there you go!

Also, have you also noticed that there's a lot of new advertisement on the page? Me too and I don't know how to stop it really but let's enjoy the ad revenue while it lasts.
Now I'm gonna watch the last of the movie and then retire. Gnight guys! ❤️

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Hey guys!

Very vague title, I know, but it accurately describes yesterday. These past 10+ years I've been getting checked for Diabetes type 2, and yesterday I went on one of those checkups. I called my doctors office and said that I didn't feel well and I told them about my problems and they told me to get there asap, which always scares me. So I hurried up with my breakfast and shower and got on the train to get there. I did not always live in Helsingborg, even though I grew up here. I moved to a small town named Eslöv for a couple of years and I liked the doctor I had there so I chose to keep going to said doctor. It's roughly 1 ½ hours away by train, so I stressed like hell to get there, and once there I had to wait for a long time, and then when I met the doctor... My ordinary doctor is on vacation so I got this not so great new doctor instead.

ANYWAYS, They took blood and urine samples which didn't look great, but I don't have Diabetes, which is a massive relief. I asked the doctor why I was constantly thirsty and why I pee way more than I should, and he said "I don't know, how you tried not drinking so much?" and then sent me home. It was just so... I'm glad about the test results but the doctor were not help at all.
After the visit I spent some time in Eslöv and looked around a bit, which was bittersweet. Nothing really changes in small towns.
There's two ways to get home from there, and I missed the train that takes the shortest time, so I had to take the train the other way to another station (this sounds very weird if you don't know the specific train stations but anyways), from that station I were supposed to take a train to Helsingborg to get home, but then that train had already left the station so I had to take a buss to a town above Helsingborg and then train from there to Helsingborg, then the bus home from Helsingborg and instead of just 3 hours on bus and train, I spent 6 hours. It was horrible, it was hot, and it was boring. Not only that, but I only slept 45 minutes the night before so I was a wreck. Came home at around 3pm, and immediately heard "hey, wanna take the bus to town and meet up with mom". No, little brother, I don't wanna do that. I wanna sleep. But we went anyway.

This is a weird post but I'm still completely off from yesterday and so, so tired. If this made sense, then great. If it didn't, then I'll try to make more sense next time.
Now I'm gonna sleep.

Gnight guys! ❤️

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Etiketter: health, road trip, family, sick, living

Welcome!

I'm a 24 year old woman born and living in Helsingborg, Sweden.
On this blog I focus a lot writing; writing my stories, helping you write your stories as well as some book-/movie reviews that I feel fit in here. Other than literature, I also write about my personal life, my opinions on news and pictures of my dog.
As someone struggling with Bipolar Disorder type 2, I also post about mental health.

I would describe myself as too honest, complains a lot, and write long posts.

If you wanna know more, send me a message or follow me on instagram.

Interested in collaboration? Send me a message here!