2018 > 01

Welcome back, guys!
Thought I'd share another great app that I've just started using. Lately I've been super lazy when it comes to writing and I just can't seem to get started again, (which is partially why I have posts like these on stand-by).

Like the pictures below show, you start by writing down the title, the goal (you can choose either by word count or character count), your total writing goal, daily writing goal, and when you want your project to be finish. Then this app will show you how many words per day you should write based on your total writing goal (like you see in the second picture, my made-up book would need 7 813 days to get finished because I'm horrible at math). You also collect guavas whenever you reach your goal. A great thing about this app is that you can keep an eye on your daily goal by adding a widget to your screen, as seen in the third picture. (And also check out my amazing background picture, borrowed from Pexels.com).

This app is created by Guavabot and can be found either here or here. Try it out, and don't forget to comment below what you thought about it!

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Hey guys!
So I spent a couple of hours at the emergency room two night ago now because I had trouble breathing. My mom drove me in and we got help pretty fast. I wans't dying or anything so it wasn't a super emergency but I was uncomfortable which they noticed. It turns out that I have acute bronchitis which is typically caused by a virus in your body, like a severe cold, and then it evolves to bronchitis. You guys already know this because I've been complaining about it a lot, but I have had a cold since the middle of December, and the doctor said that this is the final stage of my cold and then it's supposed to have passed. Bronchitis is usually the last part of the virus. To summarize it, it's a shitload of coughing, mucus, pain in your chest area and every other cold-symptom. Not only that but it's also very common that bronchitis shares symptoms or evolves from sinusitis, which has also been suspected. Nice...

Because of this I got a new asthma inhaler to help ease my asthma, as well as a couching medication named Cocillana Etyfin (in Swedish at least), and it is holy hell strong and if you don't know what it is then you should be happy because it tasted fucking horrible.
It contains ethylmorphine hydrochloride, which is an opioid (morphine), and it's very addictive in larger dosages. You drink it, then you cry because it's disgusting, and then you feel better really fast and that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully I'll be all better soon, and can start working out again.

Also, have you tried the Writeometer- and Character Notes app yet?! Comment what you think about them!

Picture from Pexels.com

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Hey guys!
Today I want to share an app that I just started to use that seems awesome. It allows you to keep better track of your characters, as well as evolve them with a more detailed backstory and keeping track of the characters around them etc. You can also add what they look like, aspire to be, and important life events.

The app is called Character Notes, and it's very easy to use. Try it out and comment below if you liked it or not!


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Hey guys...
Today is a sad day for me. I dropped my phone and the screen is a fucking mess.
I feel ashamed to be so upset about this because there's so many worse things that could have happened, but it was "only" my phone. I'm so damn entitled that it feels worse to drop my phone than if somebody died. Isn't that pathetic?

Here's the thing; HTC is an amazing brand and I trust it with my life. They focus on making sustainable phones that you can on occation drop, it survives most stuff and they work great for a really long time.
The last one I had I probably dropped like once every other day for a year, which didn't bother me because I knew that it would last. I did eventually get a new one (the one that I have now) because the battery and charger started to work against me and I kept it until I absolutely couldn't use it a minute more. Then I switched to my HTC U Play that I bought in September last year.

I dropped it today and it landed on a rock and the screen broke. The camera still works, as well as the speakers and the phone and touch, so that's something.
I've contacted HTC in hope of them telling me where to go to get it fixed, so that's where I'm at right now.

If I seem off then that's because I am. I feel like everything is going slower and I feel slow and tired for some reason. It's probably partially because of this phone fiasco, because I absolutely hate changing things in my life. I hate buying new phones, pants, computers, chargers, I don't like change. I don't want change. Change is bad, for me. I can't deal with change, and I know that it's partially (if not fully) because of my Aspergers, which I hate to use as an excuse but it's always been like this. So I don't want a new phone. I want this one.
But I guess my slowless is also because I haven't worked out in a couple of days because I've been sick, which I still am, and it's wearing me down. It feels like nothing is working right now, and everything from these past months has just hit me in the head all at once.
So yeah, that's me right now.

The blog is still gonna be up and running even though I'm going through a depressive phase right now; I have a couple of "pre-written" posts that will go up once every other day or so, so don't forget to check in here from time to time!

Have a great day you guys, you keep me sane.
I love you mom

Picture from Souq.com

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Good evening, guys!
I know that it seems like I'm sick all the time, and that's because I am. I get sick very easily and then it stays with me for way too long. I started to feel sick around december 14 and since then it's been up and down, but never totally good, and then yesterday we were outside in the rain for more than 50 minutes and then I started to feel funny when we came home. I had felt a little bit before we went out as well, but it got a lot worse later on. It turns out that I now have sinusitis, which, if you don't know, is a nightmare.
Basically it's when a common cold is already in your body and then you somehow get a virus in your sinus and based on what side it is, it's gonna fucking hurt. It's common with heavy headache, a tingling-burning-soreness feeling in your skin that gets so much worse when you move around or accidentally touches your face. It starts to hurt on your chin and around- and behind your eye, and your nose is running and then the next second it's stuffed. It's also common that your gum and mouth starts to hurt. Bright light and loud noises, as well as heat and cold hurts you. And I've been shifting between standing outside in the freezing weather, to sitting in a warm car and everything hurts right now. 
I know I shouldn't complain because it could be a lot worse, but this is kinda breaking me a little.

My day has been okay besides the sinusitis; I slept for a long time, even for me, and then me and mom watched Extreme Couponing togheter, and if you don't know what that is, it's basically people going in with a shitton of paper cutouts and then empty a store without paying. And it's fucking legal. HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK. These people, usually women for some reason, have often been in a financially hard situation and to get out of that they decide to start using coupons. And then it becoms an obsession and they buy the weirdest stuff because they have coupons on it. Like 800 tictac boxes, 140 soda bottles, 30 kg pasta or 50 bottles of dish soap.
These people have a whole room, basement or sometimes even an entire apartment dedicated to their findings. It's always stocked up nicely and it looks like a real store. One woman said in the episode we just watched "I'm not a hoarder, because my stuff isn't dusty", and I feel like no that's actually not at all how this works. She had groceries worth like $30 000 and went "well I don't hoard", no yeah you do. Put lipstick on a pig and it's still a pig.
I get so steaming mad whenever I watch that show, which is why I watch it, because when you see a great deal on maybe soda bottles, you go "I'll buy five instead of three because I know that I'm gonna drink it sooner or later", you don't go "OH, cheaper soda bottles, guess I'll buy every fucking bottle in this store so that nobody else can buy it, even though I don't need 9000 bottles of diet coke because I only drink sparkling water". People buy stuff they don't even need, WHO DOES THAT.

After EC me and mom went to a PokéGym nearby because I got an EX raid-invite a week ago, and all of us that were invited went together, which was super fun. There also might have been a cute guy, and we also might be meeting at the next one because we both got invites, so I hope he doesn't read this. Pls don't.
Then me and mom went shopping, bought a bright blue, plastic Christmas tree because why not, and now I've made pizza and getting ready to eat.
I hope you guys are safe and healthy and that you're able to avoid sinusitis.
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It truly is.

Hey guys!
I wasn't planning on posting today because I'm focusing on uploading some reviews to the site, but I kinda feel like I have to.
My day was good; I slept wayyy too long again, then me and mom went to the optician because my mom's glasses aren't working out the way they should. Bought some donuts on the way home and then I've basically been in front of my PC for the entire day, while mom and Sebastian spent a couple of hours at IKEA.
Me and Sebastian went out to our nearest PokéGym to defeat the current "owners". There's three teams in Pokémon Go; Mystic (blue team), Valor (red team, and Instinct (yellow team). Then each team can battle for a gym with the team that's already owning it. If you win then you can place your Pokémons there and you can earn coins. Then if someone is trying to defeat your Pokémon at the gym, you can FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME give your Pokémon berries to improve their health. We have this kinda "unwritten law" in our neighborhood that me and Sebastian, team Mystic, takes over the gym at night and then team Valor has it throughout the day, so when we went to take over the gym one bitch ass stupid Valor player kept feeding her stupid Pokémon berries which meant that we stood outside in the pouring rain for 50 minutes. This is mostly (100%) because we're both petty and stubborn as fuck. Jokes on us though, now we're sick.

Came home, spent some time trying to write a review for Twilight because I watched it today and I wrote down some points that I thought could be good to bring up, and kept the TV on for background noise. Then suddenly between all the "Say Yes To The Dress"-episodes on TCL (which stands for The Learning Channel, by the way), a show called My 600 lb Life. I just.. Couldn't stop watching. At first it was because I was amazed that this person, a woman in this episode, could live her life with that much weight, barely being able to move, and it was just crazy. Then I had to tell my mom to come see her, and she ended up watching the episode with me. We both became very emotionally invested fast because it's such extreme cases, especially this one. She had two sons; one born with a very low-functioning version Cerebral Palsy, and another healthy one. Despite her massive body she dedicated her life to her boys and she said several times that it should be impossible to move around as much as she does, but she do it because she's a mother and she will never stop taking care of her kids.
It was so emotional to see because she struggled so hard to lose weight because she was hoping for a gastric bypass, but you're not "allowed" one unless you've lost a certain amount of  weight on your own during the months leading up to the surgey. It wasn't even a super high amount, and she thought that she ate the way she were supposed to, like a salad, but her version had like half a kilo cheese sprinkled on top of it. And then she had chips right after. "Oh well at least I ate a salad". Yeah no, that's not how it works. Then one day (and probably many others) she ate THREE pizzas AND one of those 9-piece Tripple Chocolate Brownies from Pizza Hut. She ended up gaining weight instead of losing it when the time came for the surgery, so the doctor had her admitted to the hospital for one month to learn how to eat properly since she ate over 30 000 calories per day. 30 000. You're supposed to eat around 2000 per day depending on how big your are, or how small you're trying to get. But she just.. Didn't see where she went wrong. "Oh well it's because my life at home is so hard with the kids" and "Oh I have to be able to treat myself sometimes", so she didn't see a pattern to her destructive behavior.
She lost a lot of weight in the end and she did have the surgery, (she lost as much as I weigh in total, and she had like four me:s left), but after the show ended her sick son died and she started to gain weight again.

I'm not a fat shamer, nothing like that. I come from a family tree with a little bigger people, and that's nothing wrong. I've always been super skinny but I've gained weight these past couple of years. It sucks and I hate myself when I look in the mirror, even though I'm not as big as I think I am. It was just such an eye opener to see this woman partially ignoring her problem, and partially understanding how much it affects her health and her family. And also, seeing her body. It's just so crazy that some people choose to live in that condition, even though the majority of the ones in that situation didn't choose it.
When you go to your doctor and he tells you that you need to lose weight, he's not fat shaming you. A lot of people talk about fat shaming and I think it's wrong, obviously, but we need to understand that the bigger you get, the more problems you're gonna face. There is a big risk with being bigger and gaining weight, especially if it happens fast, and people should know that. This is not the life you should choose or want and it broke my heart seeing her throwing her life away because she couldn't see what was going on, and instead always found something to blame her weight gain on. Her husband was crying during the interviews and you could see their healthy child run around, and.. At one point, she's gonna die. The boy is gonna grow up without a mother, and the husband is gonna lose his wife because she couldn't take care of herself.

I am thankful every day that I get to wake up in a warm home in a nice bed, surrounded by my bookshelves and books and have my computer close by where I can spread all kinds of weird shit to the world, and when I'm hungry I get to eat. I can eat almost whatever I want, when I want, all that stops me are those like 10 steps out to the kitchen because I'm too lazy. I have a dog, who also gets food. We have a car so we can drive almost anywhere we want, and if we're in different places we can call each other. I have clothes, I have electricity, I have everything I need to live a satisfying life. Growing up wasn't hard, but we didn't always have as much as other people. At times we actually didn't even have enough money for the electricity bill, so one day we were left without electricity for several days. There were days (sometimes longer) where we lived on sandwiches and ramen noodles, but we made it through it. My life hasn't been perfect. But I was, and still am, extremely fortunate. It's a gift and a blessing to have all of these stuff, and I need to appreciate my life more because every day is truly a gift that I've (we've) been given on this earth.

I also want to end this post saying that you alone are responsible for your happiness. Many years ago, when I went through a rocky relationship, my mom gave me a book written by a Swedish author named Kay Pollak, and the book is called Choosing Joy. It changed the way I live and it made me a better person. I'm not into all of those self-help books but this one made me a by far better person than I used to be. If you're able to find it, buy it without looking back, buy it. It's the only book you will ever need to feel better.
Basically the point of the book was to tell you that the best way to change your life was to change your attitude towards life. And if that doesn't help, change your life. You can either choose to read the bold sentences in the beginning of each chapter and use it as a mantra for the day, or read the entire chapter and focus on that. There would be things like "Be kind because you never know what someone is going through", and "The only way to find change in life is to change the way you see life". Letting go of your anger as well. Someone said "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Of course you're allowed to hate someone, I hate plenty of people unfortunately, but there's a difference between having those feelings, and letting them consume you. Another lesson is to make up excuses for people to help you avoid anger. One example that I actually use all the time, especially when my parents drive and somebody cuts in line or drives like an asshole, is saying that this persons wife/sister/best friend is giving birth and that they need to hurry and pick her up and get her to the hospital. In some cases that might actually be true, and by doing this I get less angry because I think that this person did what they needed to do. Then I can move on with my day.
So yeah, unless you're like kidnapped and held prisoner in a basement where someone tortures you, you are responsible for your happiness.


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Hey guys!
Like the title says; it's been a weird day. I haven't gotten jack shit done today, I feel lazy and fat and boring and it's just UUUUUGHHHH.

I woke up too late, again, and went into town for a Pokémon walk. I play Pokémon Go, I love it and I'm not ashamed of it. So I took the bus into town (I live outside of town by the way), walked around, took a couple of different busses around town and then took the bus to the store closest to us. My english sucks today, I've noticed it too but it's like I can't focus my mind right now.

While in the store with mom, I walked away to get some bread, and as I'm walking and yawning an older man walks towards me, keeping steady eye contact the whole time, and then just as we passed each other he said "hello", and I turned around towards him, still yawning but with a hand over my mouth and he just smiles and goes "oh I'm sorry" and then he hurried away. Honestly, what the frick was that?
This is the problem with me, unfortunately, I draw crazy to me. I know that it's been pointed out that I might be lying about stuff like this, but I'm not. It is super annoying because something stupid always happens when I'm around, like accidents, fights, weird people doing weird stuff, etc. A couple of days ago (on another Poké ride) the bus broke down and shut off right next to the train tracks and then the "arms" that goes down to stop people from driving onto the track when a train passes started to come down and the bus was so close to the track that they almost scraped up the front window. It could have been a disaster. Thankfully it wasn't!

And now you might think "what does that weird picture have to do with this post?" well let me tell you, what you're looking at is called an EX-raid pass. You use these to gain access to certain Pokémon Go EX-raids, which are very exclusive and you have to be invited to join them. And today, I got my second one. This is weird because I was suprised when I got the first one, and now I have two and it's just crazy to get two invites. It probably won't make much sense if you're not playing yourself but it's a big deal. And it's a lot worse since my brother hasn't gotten one yet, even though he's been playing much, much longer than me. I know that he loves the game far more than I do so I feel guilty as hell for being given these two. But, I can't change it and I can't transfer one to him (I've written to Niantic, the Pokémon Go creators, about it but haven't heard back).

I took a quick break from writing this post because apparently my stomach doesn't agree with me, so I'm gonna take a nap and then continue writing tomorrow.

Gnight guys!

Picture from pokemongohub.

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Hey guys!
If you've been here before, you might have noticed som of the new changes I've made to the site. Like I've said before, this pages works both as a blog, and a "I want to be a writer, and here I'm sharing the things I learn while achieving my dreams"-page. So, I've now added a page dedicated to my own reviews of off books and movies etc. I want to point out that these opinions are my own and doesn't reflect more than that.
I've added a star-system so you know how I rate it, as well as a poll where you can vote on what you think. I might add something more later but I think this is good for now.
Other news then? I want to create a "writing tips"-page, but that's going to take time since I have to find every note I have, as well as look through my older posts. It's not something I'm rushing right now, but it might show up some time in February.

Like it now says on the about the site page, if you're interested in your own page here at Hemsida24 (I'm not sure if you can sign up if you're outside of Sweden), you can register via this link to get one month free if you order a month-to-month membership, and three months free if you sign up for an annual membership. I personally love this site, it's so easy to create the site just the way I want it and there's so many possibilities. I've been with other hosts before but none has given me the freedom and options that Hemsida24 has provided.

I lastly want to say thank you to Pexels.com for letting me borrow their pictures for free, almost all of the pictures on this site are provided by them and you are able to download pictures for free, for any use, without giving them credit or contacting them about it. Great, easy, and it's an amazing way to touch up your site.

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Hey guys!
Thought I'd tell you what I've been up to these past couple of days. In a post from fall last year I wrote about our Homeowners Association board that was just turned upside down. I don't think anybody really knows what the heck happened yet because it's such a bizarre thing but basically what happened was; we had a great HOA board with trusted members that stepped up to the plate when our previous HOA board almost put the entire neighborhood through bankrypcy. Then it took about 10 years to correct the mistakes made and we're finally on good economic ground again. SO THEN some new people move in and says "hmm, this is boring, nothing ever happens here and we're bored and we should change this", but they don't know the neighborhoods past and how we're happy to be where we are right now. So this group of new people team up with a couple of older neighbors and overthrows our then ruling HOA board. This was a complete shock to everybody because they had been very secretive and it was just a crazy thing that nobody expected.
These new members took over and had no idea what they were doing and started to fuck up our economy again by buying new windows and shit to everybody, dig internet fiber and paid for an entire year to all of us (which is great for us but the HOA can't afford it), and then they tried to sell stuff that we all used, threatening people, spreading a shitload of rumors about people, accusing the previous members of stealing etc. (which we have papers to prove that they didn't), take out much more money for their services than they should, hiring new companies that they knew because "it would be cheaper" (and also because they probably got a cut as well, is all of ours speculation), giving out "special perks" if you're on their side etc. You get the picture, it's basically the HOA from hell.

So two days ago was the annual meeting where every member of the neighborhood is invited, and we were about 40 people instead of the usual 7-ish people that came when the previous board was ruling. We're in a small venue (the picture above is from Pexels.com, and does not represent our venue), it's packed with tables, chairs, people, and me and Sebastian stood as far back as we could get. In the front is a table with two sent out from the company owning the HOA because they're supposed to represent and answer questions that the rest of the board can't, and then our board chairman stood next to this table. Everybody hates him. The venue is quiet and we're waiting for him to declare the meeting opened, which he does, and then he goes "well I've heard that a lot of people have called in to get this meeting canceled and have been spreading rumors (just like this fucking guy) and therefor I leave my post immediately." Then from the back where we stood we heard "yeah, and we do too, so you finally get what you want!" from two other ladies that are also involved in this bullshit. And all of these three people just run out the door. Like, the chairman was on the other side of the room and he must have taken like two large steps because he was outside before anybody could realize what had just happened. So some people started to run after them but they had already gotten away.
At this point the venue is quiet for a couple of minutes, the silence is only broken by gasps and "omg"s. Then everybody just starts to shout at the same time and it goes crazy. Everybody screams at each other, one of the representatives (who came there with an attitute, she was pissed from the start) starts to bang with her small hammer like we're in a court room. At this point everybody is running around like WHAT IS HAPPENING?! And I'll tell you what happened; three people chose to (which they are legally allowed, morally however, is another thing), run away from a shitstorm problem that they created then refused to answer any questions, solve any problems or face consequences for their actions. I understand, I wouldn't wanna stick around either if I knew that literally everybody in a big room was gonna yell at me, fuck that. But this is not the adult way to handle things and we ended up with a meeting where we couldn't solve anything because nobody could answer the questions that these three people had the answers to.
People were loud, people were arguing, people were screaming stuff like "you need to shut the fuck up and go home because both you and your wife can't answer questions", to where this person answered with "this isn't fucking Russia, we can both ask questions, shut the fuck up".
It started to get silent and we could move on with the days agenda, or so we thought, when this lady got up because she had something to say and I shit you not, if everybody had been asleep throughout the meeting so far, she really woke us up. Holy shit.

And then someone, calmly, goes "well, when do you leave for work?"
"Well that sucks for you because they don't start with the snow until seven because they don't wanna wake people up so how about you watch your fucking step?"

Guys, this is no joke, I heard the word fuck more times that night than I've heard it thoughout all my life combined.

So after about two hours the meeting was coming to an end and everybody was tired, no justice were served and the people who had been publicly accused of horrible things that wasn't true, didn't get any help to get this resolved and I feel really, truly sorry for them because these are people that I've grown up with and they now feel forced to move from a place they've called home for a long time because some people spread false rumors and even hired a lawyer to sue them because of this. It's aweful and I hope that these garbage people who started this whole thing gets faced with some kind of charges or backlash because you shouldn't be able to start something like this and then "well, this was scary, I better literally run away from this".
Right before this meeting ended, however, this small, young guy walked up and got everybody's attention. "Hey I would just like to say that me and my girlfriend moved in a week ago with our daughter and our dog and I just wanted to introduce myself". If this was my first view of the neighborhood I would put the house up for sale when I got home.

Picture by Pexels.com

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Hey guys!
I am so fucking cold, holy hell. It's currently winter in Sweden, like it usually is this time of year, but the weather seemed to be getting warmer and sunnier just a couple of days ago so everybody was preparing for spring. Then Boreas (the Greek God of nothern wind, aka cold weather), decided that nope, these poor Swedes should suffer some more, and so he turned our lovely spring into snow, rain and cold again.
Right now I'm curled up in our couch with blankets and warm clothes because our heating pan never seems to work in the winter. It's not just ours though, a lot of our neighbors have complained about it over the years. It's common for us to have 17°C during the winter which is freezing. At times we've had down to 14°C (57°F) because the heat died. Of course I'm happy that we have a roof over our heads and four walls to keep some warmth in, but it would be nice with a little more, without sounding selfish.

Yesterday I found the show Good Christian Bitches (GCB, or Good Christian Belles), that I've been looking for a while now. There's only ten episodes and it's about a woman who loses her husband and money and is forced to move her and her kids back in with her mom in Dallas, from LA. Then there's some cute drama with southern accent and country soundtrack, and bright colors. It's a cute show. You can find the trailer for it here, and watch the full season here. No virus, but there is pop up ads everytime you start a new episode. Unfortunatel, the series wasn't renewed and there's only 10 episodes, and not a season ending.

Last week I also read a book for my "one book per week" challenge thing, and I chose Pin Down by Teresa Cooper. Thought I'd upload a review of it soon, but I have to re-gain some warmth in my fingers to do so. So, new book this week, don't know which one yet though.

Other than that, there's nothing much new, but I hope you guys are great
Love you guys
Love you mom

Picture by Pexels.com

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Hey guys!
First of all; I fucking hate the term "story time", it only sets you up for disappointment and it's complete lickbait bullshit. But since I'm a hypocrite I'm going to use it either way.

The day has been good so far, it's 7:42 pm right now and I'm waiting for my brother to wake up from his nap so we can go for a Pokémon walk.
I met up with my best friend Rebecca today and we went shopping and ate lunch together. We went to a chinese restaurant that we usually go to when we want asian food, and as always, I took the spiciest meal I could find because I'm stupid. It was to the point when my nose started running and I felt tears building up. We then walked around Helsingborg and found a store that has like fun party things/candy/interior decorating stuff and they had a 70% off sale because they're closing down. Of course we went in, found some stuff and found some not so nice people and I get mad just thinking about it. We've all seen clips of women fighting because two people want the same thing at a sale and there's only one item left and they go berserk. One incident was that I reached in to grab an item on a shelf, there were five left and my hand is literally in the air about to grab it, just centimeters away from the item, and a woman comes up and fucking hits my hand then reaches in to take all five of the items. She manages to take three of them and then I, the petty asshole that I am, hit her hand back and took the last two before she could take them too. The thing is that I didn't do anything to her and I don't even know what she wanted with this item because when I left the store SHE WENT AND PUT THE ITEMS BACK ON THE SHELF.
The second incident was with Rebecca, and she had taken a fold-able laundry basket or something and was carrying it to the register and a lady comes up to her and asks where she found it. Rebecca said that she found it *somewhere* and pointed and said that there were only one left. The woman then started to say loudly that the item was hers and that she had hid it because she had to leave the store and then come back to buy it and tried to take it from Rebecca. What in the actual..
Here's the thing; Swedes care a lot about respect, especially when it comes to rules. Don't break a rule because we will shun you. Don't cut in line, don't make a scene, don't be loud or rude and don't break any rules. Me and Rebecca stood in line, and a woman comes over to us (we were the next in line, a long ass line), and says "I stood in front of you so this is my spot" and Rebecca was like "no you left the line, you have to get in the back again", and this woman continued to be so fucking loud and SCREAM that it was her turn before ours and that we had to let her go before us. Rebecca doesn't budge, the lady gets angry, then other people in the line joins in. "No, you left the line, and besides, you cut in line to stand in front of this girl before you left it so that's not your place". Everybody was furious at this woman and it was just such a crazy thing to witness, and then she pushed Rebecca. She didn't fall, I grabbed her because she fell my way, but still.
Holy hell what a day.

I'm incredibly sore after working out now two days in a row. Yes, it sounds stupid, but I am sore. I haven't worked out since I left my gym like 6 years ago, so doing four programs per day now is killing me. Still, I worked out today as well, through the pain, and it feels good to have done it.

Unfortunately I haven't written in a couple of days, even though I'm on a strict "2000 words á day" schedule. I haven't felt inspired and I have been thinking about a lot of other stuff, but my writing will pick up again soon and I'll come with more writing tips when it does. Bear with me.


Picture borrowed from Pexels.com

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Hey guys!
So I thought I'd update you guys about one of my new years resolutions, which was about me losing weight. I'm almost 25 now and when I grew up I was super skinny. It was to the point that my brother was scared that he was gonna break me, and I went to a doctor about it and I had to go through some kind of anorexia-evaluation, which was a pretty hard thing to do. I didn't eat breakfast and I barely ate otherwise, so it's not a mystery why I was so skinny. Then, I went through a breakup after my first relationship ended when I was 16, and the guy that I had been with for three years at that point was really abusive and controlling and so when I broke free from him I just started to love life and food and eating, which was something I wasn't really "allowed" to do according to him. "If you gain weight I'm going to break up with you or force you to lose weight, and nobody but me is gonna love you and your fat ass when you gain weight". Like we're talking, maybe 2-3 kg, that's not much.

(I also want to point out that I was very mature for my age unfortunately, and even though my parents knew about my relationship I was very very secretive about what went on because I didn't want them to feel bad about what he put me through. I don't blame my parents because they had no way of knowing how bad things were, and I take full responsibility for not asking for help or accepting help once it was offered to me. Take this as a lesson as well; you can't save everybody. You can't help people who refuse help. As much as you want to, it's not your fault.)

So I started to gain weight, then I lost weight, then I gained weight and the post I've ever weighed is 78 kg, and the least (not that I'm fully grown-ish) was 59-60 kg. I don't want to be that skinny again but I also don't want to be this big either because even though it may not be super big, I'm still considered over weight and everything has decided to move to my belly.
Yesterday I found the suit I'm wearing in the head picture, and it's from 2012. I want to fit into that skirt again. I've always loved it, and it's not even close to fitting at this point so that skirt is my goal. But, I'm not going to get down to that size by starving myself again, I'm going start working out.

Yesterday I downloaded a couple of apps from google play store that contain stretching programs and work out programs as well as an app that reminds me to drink water etc. I had a fucking long work out session last night and I intend on doing this so that I'm fit for fight when I turn 25 in April.
I will update you guys on my progress from time to time, and we'll see how it goes.

Love you guys
Love you mom

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Honest question though, it does bother me a little bit.
Hey guys!
First of all; this will be a very personal post for me, so if you're not into that, then feel free to skip ahead to the next post.

So I recently found out that one of my exes has had a baby, and I'm happy for the person, but it's a strange feeling when someone you used to be happy with is now happy enough to create a life with someone else. I don't want the dude back, I don't want any of my exes back because we've all ended on pretty bad terms and there's like one person who isn't complete garbage. It's not that I don't want them to be happy, (even though I totally don't want them to be happy), but I'm at that age where my friends are having kids and me not wanting kids right now makes me feel a lot like I'm on the outside. A bunch, literally a bunch, of people I know had kids last year, and some are pregnant and expect kids this year. Good for them, they're happy, doing what they love and want to be doing, but it does separate the "want kids" from the "don't want kids/don't want kids now". It's kinda like smoking, where if you're a smoker, you get a reason to walk outside and talk a little extra with each other because you're both out there smoking and having something in common. Whereas I would show up like "hey, I just came here to see what you're up to and breath in this lethal air, what's up?"
So I thought that today I want to talk about the future and how I view it right now. I haven't written that much about me, more as what's happening around me and what I'm currently working on. Here goes.
I consider myself asexual or demisexual. It has taken me a lot of time to figure this out, and I've hurt (and gotten hurt) along the way.

In short, asexual means that you lack sex drive at all, or have a very low sex drive, and doesn't feel any attraction to people in a sexual way basically. You can find a longer description here, but that's the basics. An alternative is demisexual, that means that you can't have sex or see someone as attractive if you don't have a deeper connection with them. I've had sex before, but it's usually not for me, as much as it is for the other person, or to feel a bond or connection to that person, so I don't get very much out of it. I'm not interested in it, I don't think about it, I don't have the desire or drive to have it.
Moving on from just sex. I am currently not in a relationship, nor do I desire to be in one. I don't like who I become in a relationship because I feel trapped, smothered, and I get very jelous and depressed.
Besides from asexual and demisexual, there's also aromantic and demiromantic, and I fall under demiromantic. This is again when you have to have a deeper connection with the person before you develop romantic feelings for them. You don't feel immediate romantic attraction to someone.
A third thing that I also want to touch base on while we're on the topic is that I don't feel like "oh I can only be with a man", because it is much more than gender to me and I could be in a relationship with a woman just as well. This was something I first noticed when I lived in LA because I lived far away from home, I had nobody and I could start over without the thoughts and opinions from the people that already know me. Like I said, I'm not looking for a relationship, I absolutely don't want one, but I met so many amazing people while in LA and I truly love some of them and I do believe that's because I have a strong connection with them.
It also might seem strange that I've been in several relationships despite me not wanting to be in one. I have been taught, as well as most other people by media for example, that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. I've been really unhappy so I've constantly chased what I thought could bring me happiness, but it failed. So I want to say to everybody now that, you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. You can be unhappy in one and happy outside of one, and it all depends on you. Nobody else should control your happiness but you.

Now, when it comes to babies, I totally want one or more in the future. Absolutely not now, not even within the future five years at least. I know that some people think that you have to have a man for it but I don't want to have a child and be in a relationship with someone that might make me unhappy at the same time. I don't mind the thought of being a single mother, I in fact love the idea of it even though it might not be ideal.

So I guess there it is, the first time I'm saying it in public. I am asexual and demiromantic. Welcome to my blog.


Picture by Pexels.com

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Hey guys!
I haven't written in a couple of days because I'm starting to get sick again and I just haven't had any energy to do anything. My throat hurts again, and I'm getting started on the first cold of the new year.

I've started a new, much smaller projct than the one I usually work on which is really big, about mental illness (especially schizophrenia), and how it can be connected to folklore and legends. I'm not saying that it's gonna be good, but if I manage to write this the way that I want to write it, it can become something okay. And like I said, this isn't a huge project so don't expect too much. It's basically just something to keep me preoccupied as I'm trying to move forward with my bigger project, which is about a mix of mythology, religion and horror. So, now you know that.

Besides this, I've been gaming a lot lately. Mostly Civilization V, which is a strategy game where you have a random map and you choose the leader you wanna be, and then you meet other leaders (real players or bots) and try to win. There's several ways to win; science, politics, war, and culture. You start with one city, and then you can expand which as many as you want, but you have to make sure that your population is happy and that your economy is positive, otherwise it's all going down the drain - quickly. The absolutely best part about this game for me is that all the leaders you meet and can choose from are leaders from our real history. Not only do you get to play a turn-based game that is super deep, but you also learn a lot about history, politics, our world wonders, natural wonders, and culture. I think this is probably one of my favorite games, this one, Skyrim and Sims. I'm set for life with these ones. If you're thinking about buying a new game, then I strongly suggest this one. Keep in mind though that a quick game (you can set the pace of the game yourself) is about 20-25 hours. I know people that have played the same game with the same map and leader for over 200 hours, so you need to want to play it to win it.

And while we're on the subject of games; Sebastian told me a while back about this game that is supposedly the hardest game in the world right now. It's called Cuphead, and the head picture is the promo for the game. He decided to download it so we could try it out, since you can play multiplayer, and we sat for around 4-5 hours last night and we got nowhere. It wasn't the hardest so far, but it really makes you question your gaming skills, and IQ. It's made to look like a 50s-ish style animated movie, and the background is moving and there's sounds and noice bothering you and the colors all kinda blend together after a while, but it was fun and I'm so happy to play it with him because it gives us a time to bond and have fun together. I do think that this is one of those games that you should try at least once, but if you feel like you can't handle it because of your blood pressure (totally understandable by the way), you get mad easily or have trouble grinding a game, then I would suggest only playing it in small portions because it will fucking break you.

Now I'm gonna return to listening on creepy pastas on youtube and play Civ, so I'll hopefully see you soon. Take care for now ❤️

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Hey guys!
I generally don't put up any new years resolutions because I don't really believe in the concept. If you want to change anything you can do that any day of the year. However, I'm going to try to stick to some goals this year. Here are mine:

  • Lose weight. I'm currently at 77 kg (170 lbs) and I would like to weigh just a little bit less, maybe 10 kg less. I used to be super skinny as a kid so I'm not comfortable in the body I have now (although I'm glad I have it).
  • Write more, and stick to a schedule. This is crucial because I've been very lazy lately because of everything around me, and I would love to get back into my writing.
  • Read more. Start my "one book a week" challenge again.
  • Finish a project. I currently have a shitload of projects going at the same time, some of them being different stories because I can't seem to settle on just one mood. So I write a little for one story, then add something to the other, look up stuff for the third one, and then so on...
So those are my goal, and I hope to achieve at least one of them, even if it's just the one where I'm supposed to read more.
I guess the main reason for me putting up these resolutions and posting them here is because I'm turning 25 in four months and there's nothing that I want more than to become an actual adult who can figure shit out and do what adults do and start living my life.

Have a great day guys, follow your dreams
Love you mom
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Hey guys!
I hope that you all had a great New Years Eve and that you're prepared to take the new year by storm.
We didn't really celebrate, we usually don't, so our night was pretty chill. I took my New Years Eve shower right before 12 which felt great. That sounds weird, and it sounds like I only shower once a year, but it's my little tradition because I like to enter the new year clean and ready to go.

Unfortunately it wasn't all fun and games yesterday because our dog can't handle fireworks. In Sweden we have a law that only allows you to shoot fireworks between 4 p.m. new years eve, to 4 a.m. new years day. Unless you have a permit, this is all the time you have to shoot during the entire year. For other countries this might seem strange because it's such a small time frame, but we have to think about the fact that humans aren't alone on this earth, and shooting fireworks affects a lot more than just us. Wild animals, pets like Polly, people with heart diseases, elderly people. So by having this specific time set up, you get a chance to prepare. For us, it's prepare Polly for the fireworks, like make a bed for her in a room that is gonna be least affected, roll down the curtains, play loud music, and in some cases give her soothing medication. But then there's always people who start to shoot weeks before new year which just fucks up everything for Polly. She gets scared of going outside, she shakes, she stops eating, has diarrhea, and this goes on for a long time since they start to shoot so early.
So if you're gonna light some fireworks this year, please think of everyone it affects.

So like I said, we didn't celebrate much, but right before 12 me and mom went out and talked to some neighbors. We ended up standing with them for way too long and were freezing when we got inside. I'm assuming that my neighbors don't read my blog because I can see where my readers are from and there's not that many Swedes reading. We did have a long talk about our current Home Owners Association, which I don't think I've mentioned before. What happened was that we had a great working system before and our HOA steadily made our houses increase in value over time, as well as gaining money to our HOA so that we can have extra perks and be guaranteed various services in case something happens or breaks. But then, some new people moved in and basically said hey, this is boring, we should overthrow the current HOA people and then dabble in something we have zero idea about. So these new neighbors decided to kick out the previos chairman and the rest of the crew, and then just fricked everything up. Besides this there's been a lot of shadiness and strange behavior that cannot be defended and a lot of us are pretty sick of seeing our houses decrease in value and things not adding up. There's also gonna be a big meeting on january 16, so I'll probably update you about that at a later point. Either way, this is what's happening in my life right now, we went from one big custody battle to a HOA fight so life is never boring.

Besides all of this, I watch a couple of movies last night and I want to recommend one for you guys; Clinical. The movie is about a therapist that focuses on trauma patients, until she herself goes through a horrific thing. She stops working with trauma patients but decides to take on one last patient, which turns her life upside down completely. I've tried to watch it before but turned it off after about 20 minutes because the beginning is pretty boring, but it turned out to be really good and unpredictable and I'm happy that I saw it.
There's a lot of blood in it, but it's not like a slasher movie, the blood is only used when it has the most effect so it's not really bothering me. Watch it, enjoy it, and tell me what you think in the comment section down below.

Love you guys
Love you mom

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I'm a 24 year old woman born and living in Helsingborg, Sweden.
On this blog I focus a lot writing; writing my stories, helping you write your stories as well as some book-/movie reviews that I feel fit in here. Other than literature, I also write about my personal life, my opinions on news and pictures of my dog.
As someone struggling with Bipolar Disorder type 2, I also post about mental health.

I would describe myself as too honest, complains a lot, and write long posts.

If you wanna know more, send me a message or follow me on instagram.

Interested in collaboration? Send me a message here!